He didn’t give Jamie a chance to respond, but turned and walked back down the beach, once again ignoring his bevy of admirers and reluctantly giving in to a high five from Marcus as he passed his chair.
When Jamie climbed back into his chair a few minutes later, the cop on the boardwalk was gone.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Marcus finished his set of dead lifts and dropped the weighed down bar, immediately throwing himself into a set of fifty pushups. He’d been at the gym going on two hours. The strain in his muscles wasn’t enough to rid him of the constant sexual frustration, but it momentarily took the sting out of it. He finished the set of fifty and rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, rivers of sweat running down his temples.
“Way to be dedicated, bro!”
Marcus waved absently at the passing trainer, his lifeless arm flopping back down onto the mat. Hopefully he’d have enough energy to pick up a pen and sign the lease—it was happening in one hour. Jamie was meeting him at the building management office. Hence Marcus drilling his body with a two-hour workout.
Today was Wednesday. The last time he’d touched Jamie was in the wee hours of Sunday morning on the boardwalk—and he’d felt every fucking second of it. He’d finally caved and searched for the correct pornography, but even that hadn’t helped. He just kept comparing everyone on his laptop screen to Jamie. That guy is too blond. That one is too thin. Smiles too much. Moans too loud. Doesn’t wear glasses. Inevitably, Marcus would end up shutting the laptop and replaying the night Jamie came over on a continuous loop, stroking his dick and he erupted in his own hand with Jamie’s name on his lips.
Christ, he had it so bad.
His stomach was in a constant state of chaos.
I have to stay away from Jamie.
I can’t stay away from Jamie.
Marcus should be ashamed of himself. After that infuriating revelation about that evening on the beach, he should have no problem doing what was best for his friend. Jamie had been through some harrowing shit at the hands of someone who shared far too many similarities with Marcus. No wonder he’d tried to ditch Marcus so many times. Of course Jamie couldn’t have some secret relationship behind closed doors. It probably felt like déjà vu.
And the worst part? Hooking up with Marcus and keeping it quiet made Jamie feel used and dirty. Like there was something wrong with him—and Marcus couldn’t abide that.
Yet he continued to be drawn to Jamie like a bee to the most beautiful flower in the garden, taking advantage of the nectar, the nourishment he got from being close to Jamie. He was like an addict who couldn’t resist the pull of one more hit. One more hit.
“Get up, bitch.” The toe of someone’s sneaker caught him in the ribs and Marcus looked up to find two gym regulars standing above him, laughing. Marcus had trained these guys when they first started CrossFit and the three of them had become friends. They’d gone out drinking a few times and even had a barbeque together on the beach last summer, but Marcus had started ducking their texts of late. “Look at this lazy ass. Maybe you should switch to girly pushups.”
And this was why.
Marcus’s laugh lacked spirit as he sat up. “Just taking a rest. What’s good, men?”
“Summertime is good,” said Mark, rubbing his stomach and looking at himself in the mirror out of the corner of his eye. “Out-of-town girls. Enough said. Shit, you must know all about it. You probably get first pick of the Down For Summers with that whistle around your neck.”
“Yeah, women go crazy for whistles. I can’t peel them off.” They didn’t pick up on his sarcasm, responding with eager nods—and for once, Marcus felt like the smartest person in the room. “Anyway, I have an appointment—”
“Hold up. Any cute lifeguards you can introduce us to? Maybe a little blondie or something?” Mark elbowed the other guy, whose name Marcus couldn’t remember, despite their numerous hang sessions. “Or have you banged them all already?”
The other guy snorted “Who cares if he’s banged them?”
Nausea rolled in Marcus’s middle. What would happen if he said out loud right now that he did know a cute lifeguard, his name was Jamie, and they’d be introduced to him over Marcus’s dead fucking body? They’d likely back away slowly and next time Marcus came to the gym, no one would act the same around him. They’d all know he was gay. Right now, in this moment, getting rid of these assholes didn’t seem like a bad thing. At all. But it would be a massive life shift. His comforts would be gone. He’d walk around feeling exposed, the way he’d felt the afternoon Joey almost caught him meeting Jamie at the train station. Everyone he knew would think they couldn’t relate to Marcus anymore, even though he was still the same man.