She says nothing, just tightens her jaw.
“I did,” I say. “I must have, though I don’t remember.” I back up and sit on the end of my bed. “I won’t do that ever again. If I do, then…”
I sigh. “Well, if I do then I’m back to being the old Catriona, and if that happens, hopefully Mrs. Ballantyne will fire me. Otherwise, you should tell her. No matter what Catri—Isaid, you should always tell a grown-up when someone hurts you. A grown-up you trust, and I presume you trust Mrs. Ballantyne.”
She doesn’t answer.
“Do I seem like myself, Alice?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
“Because I’m not.”
“Or because you’repretendingyou’re not. You tricked the master, and now you’ve tricked the mistress. Mrs. Ballantyne is a good woman, and she wants to help, and you’re giving her what she wants. That’s what Mrs. Wallace says.”
“Mrs. Wallace is smart,” I say. “Yes, it makes more sense to give someone what they want and lower their defenses.”
“You admit it then?”
“I admit it would be a good strategy. But why not employ it sooner? I have a feeling I was always nice to Mrs. Ballantyne. Am I right?”
“You tricked her. Right from the start. Tricked her and then lorded it over us.”
I lean back, arms braced on the bed. “Well, then I’m not sure how to prove I’ve really changed now. I do seem changed, don’t I? I don’t remember much of my past, and that makes me a different person. Very different.”
“Toodifferent,” she says. “You seem altogether another person, and Mrs. Wallace doesn’t like it, so I don’t either. Either you are lying, or you are possessed.”
“Possessed?” I stifle a laugh, half at the idea and half at how, in its way, this is far more accurate than Alice could imagine. “Have you ever heard of a possessed person beingbetterthan they were before?”
“Perhaps you are a changeling then. That is a fairy child put in the bed of a human one.”
“Oh, I know all about the fair folk. My nan told me stories. If I were a changeling, I’d be the human returned, wouldn’t I? The fairies stole me as a baby and replaced me with a wicked fairy child, but now I have come home and banished her.”
She considers this and then looks at me.
“Is that what happened?” she asks, in all seriousness, and I bite back a smile by reminding myself just how deep the belief in fairies runs here, in this land, at this time.
“I have no idea what happened,” I say. “Only that I am not the person I was, and this one seems better, so I will keep being her for as long as I am able. And if I turn back into my old self, I have warned Mrs. Ballantyne to send me away.”
“Did she agree?”
“She did, and so you’ve nothing to fear from me. If I do hurt you, then it is the old me, and you should tell Mrs. Ballantyne straightaway. Understood?”
She nods, wary gaze on me.
“Now,” I say. “I presume you were looking for proof that my personality change is a trick. I’m not sure what you hoped to find. A journal of my confessions perhaps? You are free to continue your search. So far, I havefound a pouch of money, sweets sent to Mrs. Ballantyne by a hopeful suitor, and this letter. You may search away.”
She continues eyeing me.
“I mean it,” I say as I back onto the bed and pick up a book. “Search to your heart’s content. You may find more evidence that the old Catriona was a scoundrel and a thief, but none that I am telling lies now.”
She watches me for another moment, and then she begins to search.