“It’s okay, Gage. I understand.” And I hated she did.
He stood back up, wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, and kissed me ever so softly. Against my lips, he whispered, “I’ll be back soon as I can. You need me, you call. I mean it, Baby girl.”
I nodded and then pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I will.”
Standing there at my girl’s bedside, I watched as Cam tapped her nose and then he left. Gage grabbed his guitar and then followed him. Only he stopped in the doorway, turned his head, looked at Collins, then at me, and pressed his hand over his heart.
Then he walked out.
I wasn’t stupid.
I knew what that gesture meant.
He loved us.
All without receiving a thing from us.
With my head lying on Collins’s bed, I had apparently taken a nap, because when I opened my eyes when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
“Doc?” I took him in and I didn’t like the look on his face. Not one freaking bit.
“She’s sleeping. Come with me to my office.” I definitely didn’t like the expression on his face.
Looking back at Collins, ensuring that she was sleeping, I nodded, stood, stretched, and then checked the room, making sure that I hadn’t missed Gage returning.
Heaving a small sigh that he hadn’t returned, grabbing my bag, I placed a kiss on her forehead and then followed the doctor out of her room and to his office.
Had I known what he was about to lay on me, I would have made sure I had someone here with me. Someone… preferably Gage.
Because I needed someone to wrap their arms around me when I crumbled.
The doctor shut the office door and then walked around to his desk as I took the white leather seat across from it. Now I know why doctors have comfortable chairs in their offices. They use that cushion to soften the blow of bad information.
He looked at me with a look that I could only perceive as sadness. “You’ve always asked me to be straight with you and to cut the crap. So here it goes. The chemo and radiation on Collins have stopped working. It’s why she was so susceptible to the pneumonia and why it worsened. Her body is also refusing the medication.”
Allowing everything he said to run through my mind, my breath hitched as I felt tears welling in my eyes. If the chemo and radiation stopped working, then… I was going to lose my daughter.
No. Just… fucking no. “Is there anything else that we can do?” I asked as I was ready to get on my knees and beg whoever to help my sunshine.
“We have a few other options. One would be a bone marrow transplant. We would extract bone marrow from a donor that is an identical match to Collins. The extracted cells are then transferred to Collins by an infusion. As long as her body doesn’t reject the transplant, then we can hopefully beat the leukemia. I hesitate to say that she will be cured, but the term is in remission. She would need to be checked every year for seven years and if the leukemia hasn’t returned, then she can be declared as cancer-free.”
I nodded woodenly at the doctor’s words. Then I bent forward and put my head in my hands. I wanted to escape. I wanted to grab Collins and Gage and take us somewhere where there was no sickness. No pain. No threats. Nothing but sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and fairies and all the things that little girls love.
Sadly, this was my reality. Grabbing the last bit of fight I had in me, I said, “Then let’s do it. Whatever you need to make this happen.”
Immediately, I grabbed my phone and dialed Gage’s number.
I didn’t remember the conversation I had with him when I lowered the phone to my lap, uncaring that it fell from my lap and hit the carpeted floor.
With my head in my hands, I barely heard the doc say, “Okay, Conleigh. I’m going to grab the forms so we can get started. I’ll send a colleague of mine in here to sit with you while I’m gone.”
And with that, he left. I didn’t lift my head when I heard the office door open and close.
Nor did I pay any attention to who had come into the room.
They weren’t the one that I wanted.
Needed.