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“Huh? But I thought you were stuffing your face with sweets at your desk…” Tanizaki sounded perplexed.

“Okay, sure, obviously I prefer candy and sweet buns, and I also like ordinary stuff like hamburgers and omurice, too! But it’s nighttime, see, and there’s nothing that grinds my gears more than smelling meat buns in the middle of the night and knowing there aren’t any around for me to eat!”

“Let me ask Naomi if there are any left.”

Tanizaki hurriedly got to his feet, then trotted past Ranpo and opened the door to the conference room. But as he was passing by, Ranpo quietly stared at him with strangely vacant eyes. After that, he faced forward once more before turning his gaze toward a stack of old newspapers in the corner of the room.

“Tanizaki,” Ranpo called out.

“Yes?”

Tanizaki turned around, but Ranpo didn’t immediately answer. Instead, he gently shook his head before at last saying, “Well, good luck.”

Tanizaki talked to Naomi in the kitchenette and asked her to look for any leftover meat buns. On his way back to the conference room, he ran into Kunikida.

“Kunikida, how did things turn out?” Tanizaki asked.

“Dazai is handling the meeting. I told him I had some business to take care of and left.” Kunikida looked about to make sure there was nobody around before continuing. “More importantly, Tanizaki, how are things coming along with you-know-what?”

“Everything is ready to go.”

Tanizaki nodded, then held up the schoolbag he’d received from Naomi just now when they were chatting in the kitchenette. She’d also taken that as an opportunity to try to force herself on Tanizaki, but he managed to escape. Inside the bag was a large brown envelope.

“Tanizaki—you know what to do.”

“I do.” He nodded. “Everything so far has gone just as you predicted, Kunikida.”

“I haven’t been partners with Dazai this long for nothing.” Kunikida’s face twisted in utter and genuine revulsion. “My instincts let me know when he’s scheming something. My vision was flickering so much during the meeting that I almost fainted. I won’t let him have his way, though. It’s time for him to pay for his self-indulgence.”

Tanizaki nodded, then headed back to the conference room alone so that nobody would suspect anything.

By the time Tanizaki returned, Ranpo was already gone. He’d left to search for meat buns of his own, only half-heartedly wishing everyone good luck before his departure. Not that a mere “Hey, we’ve got a meeting” was enough to grab the attention of anyone in the agency, of course. The rest of the participants exchanged dumbfounded glances, then turned their attention to the whiteboard with expressions that said, “Eh, that was a reasonable time to leave.”

“Solve an in-house issue”—the proposal Tanizaki came up with.

Settling on one of the earlier extremely generic proposals at the end of a noisy, heated meeting wasn’t a rare occurrence, be it at a detective agency or some other company. Nonetheless, that didn’t mean the meeting was over. There were countless in-house issues that needed fixing. Big things, little things—risky problems, tame problems. For the entrance exam, however, they had to choose only the most suitable task.

“The elevator’s been acting up lately.”

“Let’s contact the management company.”

“The operating room’s running out of supplies.”

“I’ll put in an order at the usual pharmacy!”

“The office staff said they want takeout for lunch…”

“What, you want the rookie to open a soba shop?”

Nobody could think of anything worthy. Kunikida returned to the conference room a few minutes after Tanizaki and joined the group in fishing for ideas. However, with all the highly qualified agents at the agency, every suitable issue was nipped in the bud early on. All that was left were tedious, pointless chores such as cleaning, repairs, and complaints about the food.

“Feels like we’re right back where we started,” Yosano muttered discontentedly. “Aren’t there any bigger problems that need solving around here?”

“Well, the president is still single…,” offered Tanizaki.

“Not that big!”

Everyone desperately brainstormed for an idea while exchanging glances, and before long, they arrived at a conclusion: “If there aren’t any, then we’ll just have to make one ourselves.”


Tags: Osamu Dazai Bungo Stray Dogs Thriller