A DAY AT THE DETECTIVE AGENCY
“Kunikida, how did the Armed Detective Agency get started anyway?”
Sitting at a café, Junichiro Tanizaki curiously tilted his head. The tall man sitting on the other side of the table furrowed his already wrinkled brows, then replied with the utmost seriousness, “You don’t even know that?”
“No, I don’t… Sorry.”
It was night. Two men sat facing each other at a narrow-seated table at the back of a café. Resting on the table between them were sesame dango and houjicha—roasted green tea—for two. Both men were stern-faced. A stranger would instinctively do a double take at the curious scene, but these two were agents at the Armed Detective Agency in the middle of a late-night meeting. This vaguely old-fashioned teahouse was Café Uzumaki, located on the first floor of the same building the Armed Detective Agency worked out of.
“I work here, and I still don’t even know how it got started. Do you, Kunikida?”
“Of course I do.” Doppo Kunikida nodded, seated across from Tanizaki.
“I knew you would,” Tanizaki said with a smile.
“Only a faint idea, though.”
“A faint idea?”
“Yeah, I heard it all secondhand, though. The agency was established roughly a decade ago, by the president. Word is, something happened around then, and then the agency was born.”
Tanizaki nodded. “I see. You, uh… You really do only have a faint idea, huh?”
“Well, I wasn’t lying, was I? I don’t know any more details than that. I never got another chance to ask about it. Why don’t you ask the president yourself?”
Tanizaki grew slightly flustered. “M-me? No way. I’m still a nobody at the agency.”
“Rank is irrelevant. The president isn’t the kind of person who would keep secrets like this.”
“But, like, I’d be way too nervous… Have you seen the president’s eyes when he’s angry? He could burn a hole through an iron plate. He’d probably even make a little girl cry.”
“That’s right.” Kunikida nodded in agreement. “The president is a master of martial arts of all styles. Ever since he founded the detective agency, he’s managed to uproot all sorts of evils and uncover numerous conspiracies. He’s head and shoulders above the rest. A single glare from that man could bring blood spewing out of the eyes of several little girls, instantly killing them. Instantly,” Kunikida repeated once more for emphasis.
“That sounds like a curse,” said Tanizaki.
“And that’s why he’s the president. So why did you want to know how the agency was founded? No, I mean—I completely understand why you would be curious about your employer, but why now?”
“Well, about that…,” Tanizaki began as he took a sip of tea, but it was apparently still too hot. “Yow!” he exclaimed, sticking out his tongue, then continued. “Because Dazai asked me.”
“Dazai?” Kunikida’s expression immediately tensed.
“Yeah, so I—”
“Hold on. Wait. Give me a moment to calm down a little.” Kunikida raised his hand to signal to Tanizaki to pause. “Lately, I’ve been getting horrible stress-induced stomach pains whenever I hear his name. Just sensing he’s nearby brings flashes of black and white over my field of vision. It’s a natural warning signal, so just give me a few seconds to relax.”
“Th-that sounds awful… I know how you feel, though…” Tanizaki’s expression was pure pity.