I glance at him in shock but his eyes are closed. After a few minutes, his breathing evens out. He’s asleep.
†
When Zack calls the next day, he’s quieter than usual. I wonder if I’ve turned him off by being too sentimental. Just because I’ve loved him forever doesn’t mean that he’s going to be in the same place emotionally right away.
He has a right to want to take things slow. Sleeping over is a big deal and I don’t want to push him into it or make him feel obligated to do it. It should be something that happens naturally. I have to remind myself that everyone doesn’t live with their heart on their sleeve like I do.
“Give the guy a chance to catch up, Josie,” I mumble to myself.
“Huh?” Isabelle looks over at me from the kitchen table where she’s sitting with her coffee and a magazine.
“Nothing.”
“What?” Zack’s voice in my ear reminds me that he’s still there.
“Sorry, I was talking to Izzie. What did you say?”
“I just asked if you changed your mind about coming tonight?”
“Coming where?”
“The opening of Sasha’s jazz lounge is tonight. It’s supposed to be quite a party.”
“That’s tonight?” I freeze. After marking it on my calendar, I promptly forgot all about it. Luckily I didn’t plan anything else for tonight so it’s okay.
I move into the living room, away from Izzie’s curious ears. She’s been very respectful of my time with Zack so far, probably because she can tell how much it means to me. But that doesn’t mean that she won’t jump on anything juicy she overhears. We’re still figuring out things between us and I’m not ready to talk about it with anyone else yet.
“What time are we going?” I ask once I’m out of her earshot.
“That’s the thing. We can’t show up together. Everyone will see us.”
Now that’s annoying. Even though I understand his reasoning behind keeping things to ourselves, I’m tired of the secrecy and sneaking around. There’s no reason that we should be made to feel like we’re doing something wrong when we’re not.
Then I imagine everyone I know talking about the fact that I’m sleeping with Zack. And what if it doesn’t work out? Then I’ll be not only heartbroken but humiliated as I have to deal with all the questions. Just the thought makes my cheeks burn. Maybe I’m not quite as ready to go public as I think I am.
“Does that mean I won’t get to see you at all tonight?” I stick out my bottom lip in a pout even though he can’t see me.
He growls and the sound turns me on even over the phone. “Hell, no. I’m coming home with you after.”
That makes me feel better.
“Okay, see you then.”
I slip my cellphone into my pocket and walk back into the kitchen to grab a yogurt from the refrigerator. Izzie is staring into space looking kind of glum.
“You want to come with me to the opening of a jazz lounge tonight?”
That perks her right up. “Sounds fun! I’d love to come. I’ve missed hanging out with you.”
I instantly feel guilty. I’ve been so wrapped up in Zack that I’ve pretty much checked out of every other area of my life.
“Well, this is right up your alley. Boys, booze and booty-shaking.”
She smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Is that what you think of me? That I’m only out for a good time?”
I sit across from her and grasp her hand on top of the table. “Of course not. I didn’t mean it that way.”