“Thank you for being a good Girl Scout sweetheart because I don’t want to get up and search for mine.”
Her legs tighten behind my back and I groan as her hot, wet heat presses against my stomach.
“I don’t want you going anywhere either,” she murmurs in that throaty voice.
She laughs as I fumb
le the condom open, my eagerness obvious. Then her giggles are cut off by her long intake of breath as I push inside. She’s still so tight and it’s a struggle to go slow.
“Zack, I need you.” She pulls on my shoulders, trying to force me to go faster.
“Slowly, sweetheart.”
I kiss her gently, rocking my hips slowly, gaining an inch at a time. When she lifts her hips again, I slide home and we both cry out. Her nails bite into my back and her neck arches as she tries to get me deeper. Her tight muscles squeeze me so hard that I can tell she’s already close and after just a few short strokes, she’s coming. Tears slide down her cheeks as she gives herself over to the pleasure, sobbing and cursing as her orgasm rolls through her.
I love it. It’s so fucking sexy to watch her lose control of herself. Seeing the pleasure on her face and hearing her helpless little cries has me right behind her, my hips moving faster until I can’t take it any more and let go.
Afterward we lay entwined, completely destroyed by the intensity of our lovemaking. I don’t raise my head to look at her yet, wanting a few more moments to pretend I haven’t just been irrevocably changed. Looking in the mirror when I was dressing for the party, I didn’t even recognize myself. With my hair grown in and my tats covered, it was like someone else had climbed into my skin.
Worrying about what people think is alien to me but suddenly I’m changing my hair, my clothes and my demeanor to fit into her world. I hate that I’ve so easily thrown aside what I believe to appease others but I can’t deny that I would do the same thing again.
The fact that I would compromise every part of myself to make Josie happy scares the hell out of me.
†
Finally I roll over and pull Josie on top of me. Her breathing slows down and after a few minutes I assume she’s gone to sleep. I’m almost asleep myself when her voice jerks me back to attention.
“I know you heard what my mother said tonight.” She lifts her head from my chest to look at me. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
“She’s right. I’m not your boyfriend.”
“You’re angry.” She cups my cheeks and holds my face still so I can’t avoid her eyes. “Why are you mad? Did you want me to correct her? Zack, you’re the one who said we have to keep our relationship a secret.”
She’s right. I’m the one who insisted on drawing these lines. I’m tripping over my own rules because I’ve seen how much better life is with her in it.
Now that I know how deep my need for her runs, I’m terrified of what will happen if I lose her. It’s not her fault that I’m so torn up.
“I’m not angry with you, Jo. It was just… everything tonight was so wrong. I felt like a fraud wearing that stupid tux and listening to your mother talking about what a perfect catch your ex is. He’s everything she’s ever wanted for you.”
“I should have stopped her. Standing up to her is difficult for me but that’s my problem not yours. And I don’t care if she wants me to be with Perry. I want to be with you.”
“She’s not going to be the only one thinking those things and you do deserve the best, Jo. But I’m a blue-collar kind of guy. That's never going to change.”
“And I would never ask you to,” she assures me.
“But they will. They’ll expect a guy who can fit into your world. I can clean up nice for an evening but that’s not who I am. I can’t be that guy as much as I want to be.”
“You really think I care about all that? About diamonds and parties and the social scene? I couldn’t possibly care any less about that stuff.”
“I know.”
The worst part is that I do know. Josie truly doesn’t care about the superficial. She’s so genuine and real.
She sits up slightly so she can see my face. “What do you think is going to happen down the line? That I’ll change my mind about us?”
I can’t respond and admit that she’s just stated my worst fear. But her tremulous smile as she kisses me again tells me that as always, she knows.
“I’m not changing my mind. You’re just going to have to get used to the idea of me loving you.”