“It’s all going to be okay.” I’m stroking her hair, whispering whatever I think will help to calm her down. But inside, I’m on fire because I know his injury isn’t the only reason she’s crying. It’s because Josie can’t do what she really wants and watch over Gabe herself.
He has a girlfriend now and things are never going to be the same.
After a few minutes she pulls back and wipes at her tears, leaving a streak of red paint on her cheek.
“I’m okay now. Sorry about that.” She can’t even look at me. Her breaths are still coming in gasping little sobs as she rolls up the paper on the easel.
I want to help her but something tells me she won’t welcome that so I move out of the way so she can collect the brushes near my feet. Several locks of her wavy hair have escaped her bun and are sticking to the paint on her cheeks and neck. Even sweaty and disheveled, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
Over the years I’ve watched her blossom from a scared, naive young girl into a confident woman. The outside may have changed but she’s still our same sweet Josie on the inside. And she still loves the man who saved her when no one else cared. All the guys she’s dated since high school seemed like plastic stand-ins for my brother. I think our parents and hers have secretly been waiting for them to get back together. Hell, even I was expecting it to happen eventually.
Now things are different and it’s like she’s self-destructing right in front of me.
“You don’t have to apologize. I’m worried about him, too.”
She looks up at me sharply. “You are? Is there something you aren’t telling me?”
“No, it’s not that. He’s just never gotten hurt so badly before.”
“Yeah.” Her eyes become distant and she looks out over the yard. “He’s been better lately. Less impulsive. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore.”
I understand exactly what she means. Gabe has gotten into his fair share of trouble, and so have I, but most of it was borne of necessity. When money was tight we'd boost a few cars to make sure the gas wasn't cut off in the middle of winter. The stuff we did was wrong but I’ve never regretted it because we did what we had to do. Gabe though, he always seemed to enjoy it. Now that we’ve inherited millions from our father, it shouldn’t even be an issue. But for a while I was still worried that he’d be drawn back to his old ways just for the rush.
Thinking of our wayward billionaire father reminds me of the reason Gabe is upstairs wounded in the first place. I push that thought away. I can’t even think about his part in all this or I’ll get pissed off all over again.
Josie grabs the easel and folds it closed gently. “I should go home and clean up. My mom’s expecting me to drop by later. I can’t let her see me like this.”
Her mother is a real piece of work. No doubt she’d shit a brick if she saw her daughter dressed like a mechanic and covered in paint. Her mother tolerates Gabe, even she can’t resist him, but she’s never bothered to hide her disgust for me.
“Make sure to give Geraldine my regards.”
Her mouth tilts up slightly. “I’ll do that. And Zack… thanks.” She ducks her head bashfully before scooping up the paint.
I watch her walk away, her pert little bottom twitching attractively even under the ugly coveralls she’s wearing. She doesn’t look back, probably forgetting that I’m here as soon as her back is turned. I’ve never fooled myself about my place in Josie’s life. In her world it’s all Gabe, all the time and I’ve never thought differently. It’s only recently that I’ve realized the toll I’ve paid along the way. It takes a little chunk out of me every time I have to dry her tears after he hurts her. But I can't stop. Because I love them both.
Everyone thinks mortality is about the sudden loss of the soul. We live our lives fearing the worst that we think can happen. Car accident. Gun shot. Heart attack. But very few people know the truth, that those aren’t the worst ways you can go. Although painful, at least a bullet to the heart is quick.
Watching Josie pine for someone who will never want her the way I do feels like dying slowly.
r /> †
After Josie leaves, I pull out my phone and tap on the contact for one of my newfound brothers, Tank.
He answers right away. “Zack. I had a feeling you’d be calling today.”
“I would have called earlier but it took longer to get Gabe settled than I thought.”
“Is he still bitching about that little scratch on the side?”
I burst out laughing. Tank was a sniper for years and he’s still a pretty scary dude. I’ve no doubt he’s seen and survived way worse.
“I’ll definitely tell him you said that.”
Tank is quiet for a moment then says, “I’ll never forget the moment I realized he’d been stabbed. I lost about ten years off my life that day. That was a brave thing he did. Stupid but brave.”
Thinking of the guy responsible for my brother’s hospital stay sends a shaft of fear straight to my heart.
Blade.