Chapter 19
Jeremy
White walls and alcohol crisp air are not how anyone wants to wake up. Yet, I do, and it freaks me out. I sit straight up, and see Hazel in the room's corner, turned with her back toward me on the phone.
“What the hell happened?”
She hears me and hangs up the phone. “I didn’t know you were awake. Let me go get the doctor.” She slips outside.
I grab my forehead, which is pounding against my skull, and then it hits me. The news about our father that caused me to collapse in the kitchen while Hazel was upstairs. Tears are already collecting in my eyes, and my chest gets tight. My hand gravitates to it, and Hazel is talking, but I can’t hear a word she is saying. She rushes next to the bed, puts her hand on my shoulder, and then runs out the door. I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing, one at a time, in and out. After a couple of sets, I open my eyes to find a man and my sister staring at me.
“Hello, Mr. Grey. I’m Doctor Carlton. How are you feeling?” he asks.
“Like shit. I think I’m having a panic attack.” I close my eyes again, trying to steady my nerves. “Our father just died and I kinda have other places I need to be. When can I go home?”
“Jeremy, you suffered a heart attack. After some tests, it appears you might have some blockage that is causing your heart to only function at seventy percent of its capacity.”
I’ve had no health problems in my life. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Well, you will need to be scheduled for a heart cath. This will help us get rid of the blockage and put in a stint to help rejuvenate the heart back to its full capacity. Or so, that’s our hope.”
Doctors and hospitals aren’t my favorite place to be, and I’d just like to be back home. There are too many things that need to be taken care of with my dad’s passing, and I can’t do that if I’m stuck in this fucking hospital.
“How long will the heart cath take? Can I go home after that?” I ask the questions going through my head, because staying the night here is not an option.
“As long as everything goes well, you will go home tonight. A heart cath is an outpatient procedure.”
I nod, and he leaves the room.
“What can I do?” Hazel asks.
There are no words to describe the pain in my heart right now. Knowing that I can never hear his voice, talk to him, or just hang out on the couch watching action movies ever again. He’s gone forever. How am I supposed to come to terms with that?
This isn’t the place to be right now, and I want to be back in my house in my own fucking bed. I just need to remain calm while I’m here, and get this operation done and over with, that’s all.
Hazel walks over and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Let’s get this operation done and then we can deal with the loss. Right now, here, I have to keep myself together.”
Hazel has always been a pretty reserved person with emotions, and sometimes I think it’s going to affect her negatively. If she would just open up and let them out, this is going to go a lot smoother. I’m the prime example of not letting things bottled up inside you, or something like this happens.
“He was a good man, sis. I promise you he knows how thankful we were to him, and how much we loved him.”
I know she doesn’t want to talk about it here, but I need to. She needs to hear this. I know what she’s doing. Beating herself up because she didn’t stay longer the other day, and that’s only going to make things worse, and guilt is not something she needs on her plate right now.
“I’ll take care of the arrangements. Dad left us instructions. Leave it to me, okay?”
She nods, and even though she is not crying, I know this is affecting her more than she is leading on. I remember how she was when she arrived back in Grapevine. The coming days are going to be rough for all of us, but the arrangements still have to be made, regardless. Planning your parent’s funeral is not something I ever planned to do, but you don’t always get it your way. At least, I know he lived a happy life, with a wonderful wife, two kids who adored him, and a job he loved. Many people strive for the excellence our dad achieved, and sometimes never find it.
I don’t want to end up alone and unhappy, but right now I need to focus on the things my father left for me. Hazel might be acting like she’s okay, but I know better. Things aren’t going to get done by themselves.