22
“I don’t get it,” Caitie said, a frown pulling at her lips. “I thought you really liked him.”
“I do,” Harper agreed. “But we’ve never talked about making it official. Or about me moving in with him until now.”
They were walking down the beach on Saturday morning, carrying their coffees from Déjà Brew in their hands. Caitie was gripping Harper’s empty hand, anxiety pressing her fingers into Harper’s soft skin. What was a simple walk along the beach for most people was an ordeal for Harper’s best friend. Caitie had been afraid of the ocean for most of her life, but for the past year she’d been in therapy to try and control her phobia. This walk was recommended by her therapist – a half hour every week, as close to the water’s edge as she could manage without feeling uncomfortable.
Though it was off-season, the beach was still filling up with locals, and the azure of the ocean was dotted with surfers trying to catch the waves. Breck was one of them out there. Far enough away for Caitie not to use him as someone to lean on, close enough to be here if she started to panic.
When he’d spotted them on the shore he’d waved and gestured he was here if they needed him in the next half hour. That gave them long enough to walk to Paxton’s Pier and back, and maybe head back into Déjà Brew to grab one of those blueberry muffins.
“But you said no when he asked you to move in?” Caitie asked, taking a sip through the hole in the lid of her cup. She seemed grateful for the distraction of Harper’s messed up love life. “Don’t you want to be in a relationship with him?”
“I did. I mean, I do.” Harper shook her head. “You see how messed up I already am? Between growing a baby and growing a business I’m finding it hard to think straight.”
Caitie squeezed her hand. “Well let’s concentrate on one thing at a time. Why did you say no?”
“Because…” Harper sighed. “He made it sound like a business proposition. You need something, I have something, let’s make a deal.”
“Hoo boy.” Caitie whistled.
“Right? It’s not that I was expecting a declaration of undying love or anything. But a little emotion would have helped.”
A little boy ran in front of them, chasing a rolling ball. Caitie froze as he continued to the water’s edge. Harper automatically looked to the left to see if an adult was following him, relieved when she saw his mom running down the beach.
“Are you okay?” she asked Caitie.
“Yeah. Let’s just keep on walking. And talking. Did you tell him you wanted some emotion?”
They continued along the sand, their sandaled feet sinking as they walked. Caitie’s grasp on her hand didn’t loosen. “I said I wanted the fairytale.”
A laugh escaped from Caitie’s lips in spite of her anxiety. “What did he say?”
“He pretty much told me he couldn’t give me that.” Harper shrugged. “And then we went to sleep.”
“But that was two days ago. Have you talked since?”
Harper shook her head. “We haven’t had a chance. He had to work a double on Thursday, and then last night I had a late night meeting at the resort to run through the fashion show.” She sighed. “Not that I think it matters. I have no idea what to say to him.”
“Maybe that you’re in love with him?”
Harper stopped walking. “What?”
“Well aren’t you?”
“I…” Her mouth dropped open, her bottom lip trembling. “You think I’m in love with him?”
“Yeah, I do.” Caitie took a sip of her coffee. “There’s no need to look so scared about it. I’ve seen the way you smile whenever he’s around. The way you glow when his name is mentioned. And I’ve heard about the hot sex, so…” She shrugged. “I think this is it for you.”
Harper’s chest tightened. “But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” she asked. “What if he doesn’t love me?”
All those childhood fears gripped hold of her. Those reminders that she wasn’t good enough for her mom to stay around, or for her grandma to give her praise. She was Harper Hayes, the girl who nobody wanted to keep around.
And it hurt so damn bad. She wasn’t sure she could take it again.
She took a deep breath. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She was a strong woman. One who had her own business, a child on the way, and a life to look forward to, no matter who was in it. And those memories? They needed to stay where they belonged, deep inside her.
In the past.