“What?” I pushed my shoulders back and adjusted Leo in my arms. He was all bundled up and ready to go, but I was hesitating. I’d never been unsure of myself, but this had me debating whether I could do it or not. He was my son, but what if I made the wrong move? “What are you talking about?”
“Ford.” She pushed off the doorframe and stood to her full height, which was nearly the same as Belle’s. “I see that look on your face.” She pointed at me. “I’ve known you for over twenty years.” She paused. “And I can see you’re scared.”
I pushed my shoulders back and schooled my features. “I am not—”
“You are.” She smiled, the kind of smile that told me she felt sorry for me, but she didn’t need to be sorry for me. I was perfectly fine with having Leo on my own for a few hours. It wasn’t like Belle would be gone all night, right? And I had everything he needed at my house. But deep down, I knew she’d hit the nail on the head. I put on a front, one that most people believed, but only those who truly knew me knew that deep down, I was just like everyone else—wading through each day and not really knowing what I was doing.
“I’m only a phone call away,” Lola murmured. “Call if you need me.” She tilted her head to the side. “But I doubt you will.”
She was right, I probably wouldn’t. I had to prove to myself that I could do this, but more than that, I felt like I needed to show everyone else that I could too. I cleared my throat, not sure what to say. I was scared, but only because I loved this tiny human so much. So instead of saying anything, I nodded at Lola in appreciation and stepped out of her house.
Leo’s car seat was already in the back of my car, so I strapped him in after working out how all the pieces clicked together and then pushed into the driver’s side. Lola was still standing at the front door, watching me, and I lifted my hand
in a wave as I backed out of her driveway.
Leo was quiet on the drive over to my house, but as soon as I got him out of his seat and into my house, he screamed so loud I thought my ears were going to pop. His little arms flapped around along with his legs, and I wasn’t sure what he wanted. Belle had said she fed him not long ago, but she had told me he was feeding more often at the moment, so maybe it was that?
I sat on my sofa and placed Leo down to take his coat off, and Lottie sat beside us both on the floor, watching every move we made. She was observant, and she even pushed her nose on the side of his face gently as if she was trying to console him. But nothing we were doing was working.
I finally got the coat off him and lifted him to check his diaper, but that was fine too. “I don’t know what he wants,” I told Lottie as if she’d answer me back, but she just stared at me silently. Standing, I rocked him back and forth, but his cries only became louder and louder. I hadn’t even been alone with him for thirty minutes, and I already felt like I was failing.
Could I do this? Could I really be a dad? Could I really be responsible for another human life? The second-guessing myself was constant, but as I stared down at his little button nose and stroked his soft, dark hair on the top of his head, I knew I could. He was half of me and half of Belle. There was no way I couldn’t do this. Not that I had a choice anyway.
“Okay, okay,” I whispered to Leo. “I’ve burped you, rocked you, checked your diaper. So that only leaves one thing.” His gaze focused on my face as I spoke, his cries getting lower. “Milk? Do you want milk?” He cried again, and I looked down at Lottie. “I think he wants milk.”
I grabbed his diaper bag and pulled out the milk Belle had pumped earlier, then took it over to the warmer. My arm started to get tired from all the rocking, so I switched him to the other arm as the milk warmed. And as soon as his mouth wrapped around the teat of the bottle, he drank it greedily, his entire body relaxing.
Lottie barked, almost as if she was confirming it had worked, then trotted over to the sofa. I followed after her and sat in the corner so I could lean my elbow on the arm. I knew I was tense, but it was because I was worried I’d fuck up. It wasn’t easy being responsible for another human, and it would most probably only get harder from here.
Leo drank the last of his milk, and I stared down at him in awe. He was perfect in every way possible, and I’d had a hand in making him. He was the product of the love Belle and I had for each other, and I didn’t regret it for a single second.
I placed the bottle onto the coffee table and lifted Leo to burp him, asking, “What shall we do with our guy time?” I rubbed my hand on his back, waiting for the burp to come. “Maybe we could order takeout and watch the game?” Leo burped, and I took that as my answer.
Tonight was our first guy night, and I was determined it would be the first of many. Father and son time. I’d never had it with my dad, which made it even more important to make sure Leo had it with his. It didn’t matter whether I worried if I could do this or not. All that mattered was that I tried my hardest and loved and protected him. Everything else I could learn, even if it meant I’d make mistakes along the way.
All that I needed was Belle and Leo in my life, and now that I had them, I was determined to do everything in my power to keep them.
Chapter Fifteen
FORD
I stared at the screen in the back of the van, waiting for the right moment to strike. When Brody first gave the case to me, he told me it’d be a quick one, but the guy had been elusive, and it had been nearly two months. The guy had left the country two weeks ago and was scheduled to land back on US soil in twenty minutes, which was why we were waiting at the private airport. As soon as his feet touched the ground, I was arresting his ass.
I had all the evidence I needed to charge him, but I was hoping there’d be extras on the plane that could rack up more charges. I had a feeling I knew what it was because cocaine was a drug of choice lately, and it reminded me of where this all began. I’d run cocaine and helped sell it to the biggest buyers when I was in my twenties, which meant I had a unique vantage point, one the dealers didn’t realize when they were trying to escape me. I’d been there, done that, and bore the scars to prove it.
“They’re about to land,” Jord said from next to me. He was the main computer guy, but he was also some extra muscle, just in case. I hadn’t needed the entire team for this, just some extra bodies. I was doing this operation small because that way, there was no chance of him getting away or re-routing his flight if he caught word of what was about to happen.
I leaned forward in my seat and watched as the private plane landed on the tarmac, then shot out of the van we were using. I was going undercover, but this time was different. It would only be for minutes as opposed to months like I was used to doing.
Pulling my driver’s cap on my head, I sauntered toward the large SUV that was booked to pick him up and pushed into the driver’s seat. I clicked the button to start the car and slowly moved toward the plane with another two SUVs behind me. We’d intercepted the car hire company and taken over, which meant all three cars had DEA agents inside them. There was no way for this dealer to escape. We’d made sure of that.
I halted twenty feet in front of the stairs to the plane and waited for him to descend. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, listening to the coms in my ear as Jord reeled off what he could see that I couldn’t. And then finally, he appeared. The jeans hanging low on his hips looked like they’d been worn to within an inch of their life, but I knew they’d been made that way and probably cost the amount of an average person’s vehicle. His white T-shirt had a stain on the front that he was wiping at, and he nearly missed a step because he was so preoccupied with it. The man was a fool.
“Getting out,” I told Jord through my coms and pushed out of the car. I nodded to the other two vehicles, and they followed behind me, opening up their trunk just like I did. It was an easy way to arrest someone because you were covered, and they were unaware of what was around them.
“Hey, bro, the door is locked.” I shook my head at his voice. He sounded like a surfer, not a drug dealer who could afford his own private plane and mansion complete with the latest sports cars.
I pushed my shoulders back and walked around to where he was standing. His cell was in his hands as he paid no attention to what was around him. It was an error on his part, one which would cost him greatly. “Sorry about that,” I murmured, reaching into my pocket and acting like I was getting the key. My fingers skimmed across cool metal, and I yanked them out and slammed his body against the car. His cell crashed against the asphalt as I cuffed him.