His eyes swirled with intensity as he helped me up. So much was said in the silence, things that couldn’t be verbalized out loud, not yet anyway. Logically, I knew things couldn’t be fixed overnight, but that didn’t mean I didn’t wish it. I’d broken down again. I’d let the memory of the trauma take over. I’d let it have control, and I hated every second of it.
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Asher didn’t look away as he wrapped the towel around my body, covering the marks on my skin. I flinched, which caused him to wince. He could see the pain in my eyes—he could sense it in me, just like I could in him. We hadn’t talked properly, not since everything happened, but the realization that I was going to be alone with him for a length of time calmed me somewhat. Maybe this was meant to happen? Maybe the bad had to occur for me to feel the good? Or maybe I was just unlucky. But as I felt Asher’s hand gripping mine to help me out of the shower, I knew it wasn’t the case. With him in my life, I wasn’t sure I could call it anything but luck.
“I got your things in the car,” he murmured as he led me past Lola, who was waiting near the bathroom door, and back into his bedroom. I wanted to open my mouth and say something—anything—but it was too much. He’d been back to my apartment. He’d faced the place that was now the epicenter of all of my nightmares. Did he relive it? Were there signs still left of what happened? All the thoughts ran through my head as fast as a cheetah running through the African plains. My breaths started to come quicker, the panic returning. I had to get control over myself. I couldn’t let it pull me under any more than it already had.
Asher halted in the middle of the room, looked at something over my shoulder, then back to my face. “I’ll go get you some clothes—”
“No.” I gripped on to his hand tighter, hating that I didn’t want to let go. “Don’t leave me,” I whispered, feeling my bottom lip start to wobble. I couldn’t cry, not again, because once it started, it never seemed to stop.
“Okay.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I’ll erm…I—”
“Get one of your old T-shirts,” Lola said from behind me, but I didn’t turn to face her. I had to keep my attention focused solely on Asher. He was my rock—the one person I knew I could rely on. “I’ll grab a pair of leggings from my closet.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Her footsteps moved away from Asher’s bedroom, and my heart sped up. My emotions were all over the place, but more than that, I was tired. So tired I felt like I could sleep for a week. I wasn’t sure how to act—how to be—but I knew I couldn’t let go of Asher’s hand, not yet. I felt like if he let go, I’d drift away and not be able to find my way back.
“Here,” Lola announced, and Asher held his arm out, coming back with a pair of leggings. “I’ll wait downstairs for you.”
I closed my eyes as she moved away from us and closed the door behind her. She’d shut us in here, and now I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay in this safe space forever, but I couldn’t. I had to leave at some point, I just wished it didn’t have to happen yet. I opened my mouth, wanting to ask Asher if we could just stay here a little longer, but then closed it again. Weakness threatened to take over, but I couldn’t let it, not if I wanted to survive.
“I, erm…” Asher cleared his throat. “Want me to help you get dressed?” I nodded, too afraid to admit it aloud. “Sit down, and I’ll grab one of my T-shirts.” I opened my eyes as his hand drifted away from mine, but I didn’t take my gaze off him or move a single inch as he moved toward a closet in his room and pulled out a dark-blue T-shirt. It looked like an old high school jersey. “Lift your arms,” he commanded as he moved back toward me, and I did as he said, keeping the towel around my chest and covering the majority of my body.
He slipped the T-shirt over my head, and I pushed my arms through the openings. He pulled it down as far as it would go, and it came to just above my knees. He knelt down in front of me, holding the leggings out, ready for me to step into, so I adhered to his silent command and pushed my feet into them. He pulled them up, halting when he got to my thighs, then I took over. Finally, I removed the towel from under my clothing and stood there, wondering what we would do next.
“Ready?” he asked, and I wasn’t sure. Was I ready? I hadn’t been outside in days, and just the thought of going out there had my stomach churning and my—
“You’ll be okay, I promise.” His thumb and finger gripped my chin as he tilted my head back to face him. “I’m right beside you. Nothing will happen.”
I pulled in a deep breath, feeling the burn at the back of my throat. Asher was here, by my side, and he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. But what about when he wasn’t by my side? What happened when we were at the lake house? Where was the lake house? I had all of these questions, but I couldn’t voice them. I couldn’t bring myself to ask. Deep down, I knew I didn’t have to worry about what was going to transpire from here. Asher was taking me away—taking us away—to heal. To work through everything. To become stronger again. And I just had to trust what he was doing.
I blinked.
I did trust him. I trusted him more than I’d ever trusted anyone.
“I’m ready,” I croaked out, not waiting for him as I placed my hand back into his. I pushed my shoulders back, trying to shove my worries to the side. I had to do this. I had to overcome the fear consuming me.
We made it to the bottom of the stairs, the front door was right there, only a couple of feet away. But my body was frozen—I was frozen.
The door flung open, and I squealed, jumping behind Asher, knowing he would shield me from whoever it—
“Oh, sorry.” Lola laughed and placed her hand over her chest. “I was just putting some food essentials in your car.”
I peeked around Asher, seeing the outdoors behind her. The wind whipped into the house, causing some of my hair to drift over my face. It was still damp, but I didn’t care how it would dry.
“I made you a packed lunch for the ride there.” Lola’s gaze veered to mine, and she smiled. “Think Band-Aid. Rip it off.” She pushed her own shoulders back and stepped to the side. “Don’t think about it. Don’t think about anything but the next step you take. One after the other until you’re in Asher’s car.” She nodded, encouraging me. “That’s all you need to do. Walk to the car, and that’s it.”
Asher looked down at me, his brow raised in silent question. And I knew then Lola was right. If I stood there thinking about it, I’d never do it. I just needed to take a step, and then another one. I squeezed Asher’s hand as we moved to the driveway, and my gaze flicked over the houses on the street and each car that drove past. I was so worried about what was around me that I didn’t even realize I’d made it to the car until Asher opened the door.
I let out a breath I’d been holding and dove into the car. He closed the door after me, rushed around to the driver’s seat, and within seconds we were reversing down the driveway. Lola held her hand in the air, waving at us, and I tried to wave back, but I knew it looked half-assed. My body was shutting down, my eyes heavy, but I needed to stay alert. At least until we were out of the area and far enough away.
“It’ll only take a couple of hours to get there,” Asher said, leaning back in his seat as he halted at a red light. He turned his head to face me and laid his hand on the center console. “And once we’re there, we don’t have to worry about anything or anyone.” His lips curved into a smile, and no matter how much I wanted to mirror him, I couldn’t get my lips to move.
“Okay,” I breathed out. “I…” I bit down on my bottom lip, stopping myself from asking anything. Maybe I was doing the wrong thing? Maybe I should have stayed in town where the police could get ahold of me. They’d said they’d keep in touch after I’d given them my statement, but I hadn’t heard from them since, and—
“My cell! I left my cell at—”