CHAPTER12
Ali’s eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of her head, then she jumped off her chair and engulfed Kim in a tight embrace. Kim wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she’d get from her friend, but she’d been unprepared to be squeezed to within an inch of her life.
Eventually, Ali released her. She pulled another chair from the closet and placed it a foot from the one she’d been occupying before Kim’s announcement. “Okay, tell me everything. Did you two go upstairs tonight?”
Kim shook her head, and then lowered herself into the offered chair. Taking a deep breath, she prepared to spill her guts. “Do you remember the first time I came to Serpent’s Kiss with you?”
“Of course. You were so nervous, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get you through the door.”
“Well...” Kim hesitated, knowing what she would say next was going to hurt. Not because Ali would be upset she slept with Justin, obviously, but because Kim didn’t tell her right after it happened. “I saw Justin here that night and figured if I wanted to explore my submissive side, he’d be the perfect one to do it with.” Kim didn’t look at her friend, afraid that if she did, she wouldn’t get through this next part. “So, I showed up at his house the next day and...” She paused. “Offered myself to him.”
Her confession was met with silence.
Kim peeked at her friend. She had a look on her face Kim didn’t know how to interpret. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, but it was supposed to be a one-time thing. An experiment.”
Again, nothing.
“Well?” Kim prompted. The silence was killing her.
“It explains a lot,” Ali said. Then she sighed. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Kim paused. “And what do you mean it explains a lot?”
Ali shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it. You’ve just seemed a little distant.” She frowned. “Now I know why.”
“I’m sorry.”
Waving her off, Ali squared her shoulders. “It’s okay. It’s not like I’ve never kept anything from you. I mean, I was a member here for over two years before you found my toy bag in the closet.”
“Still. It’s not the same. I understand why you didn’t tell me about this. To be honest, I’m not sure if I would have been ready to know sooner.” Kim took hold of Ali’s hands. “You’ve known about my crush for years, almost since the beginning of our friendship. This was a big deal, and I should have told you.”
A tiny smile tugged at Ali’s lips and the vise around Kim’s chest eased. “But you’ve told me now, and you need my help.”
Kim smiled back and nodded. “I do. He wants me to fill out this limit list. I’m supposed to bring it to his house tomorrow so we can go over it.”
Grabbing a pen from the desk in front of her, Ali placed the papers on the flat surface and handed the pen to Kim. “We’d better get started then.”
Justin lingered at the bar for the rest of the night, even though it meant giving Brandon the opportunity to razz him about finally getting his head out of his ass. He didn’t explain to Brandon this was only a trial run. A month to see if they worked as a couple.
He still wasn’t crazy about the idea, but he understood where Kim was coming from. And to be honest, he wasn’t looking forward to Mark’s reaction. His best friend was as vanilla as they came. Mark didn’t understand Justin’s need to dominate. Once he’d commented how he felt sorry for the women Justin dated, that Justin insisted they perform like trained animals.
Justin had let the comment slide. Mark had been drunk at the time and he had no filter when he was like that.
But Justin knew Mark wasn’t comfortable with his lifestyle. The one and only time Justin had brought a sub around, someone he’d been dating for a few months and felt it was time to introduce them to his best friend, Mark had acted as if he were waiting for Justin to order her to her knees at any given moment.
If Justin and Kim made their relationship public, he had no idea how Mark would react. He could almost deal with any disappointment from Belinda and Davis. Ultimately, they wanted their daughter to be happy and well cared for. Over time, he could prove to them that he could do that. Mark, on the other hand, would know or suspect what was going on behind closed doors.
Mark’s possible reaction plagued Justin for the rest of the night.
When Justin’s alarm went off the next morning, he knew he needed to get his head in the game. He had lots to do to prepare for Kim’s arrival.
Working out helped to clear his head. He pushed himself harder than he usually did, needing to feel the burn and push the concern from his mind. Today was about him and Kim. No one else. They had to be the ones to figure this out. Time had already proven whatever pull they felt toward each other wasn’t going away. They needed to deal with this.
After a shower, he put on some comfortable clothes and powered up his computer. He pulled up his limits list, gave it a quick run-through to make sure everything was up to date, and then hit print. Justin knew what he liked and what he didn’t. He’d been in the lifestyle for over ten years and had played with a multitude of submissives. But in all that time, he’d never been as anxious to see his partner’s list of desires as he was to see Kim’s. Given her inexperience, he didn’t know what it would look like.
Bringing his list with him into the kitchen, he placed it on the counter and began prepping for brunch. He had one hour before Kim was set to arrive and lots to do.
At nine-fifty-eight, his doorbell rang. Justin turned off the stove and went to answer the door.
Kim stood on his front porch, clutching her purse to her chest. Unlike last time she showed up on his doorstep, she was wearing more than a trench coat.
“Come in,” he said, motioning for her to come inside.
“Thanks.”
He helped her remove her coat and placed it on the coat rack by the door. She wore a lovely burnt orange sweater and a snug pair of jeans that showed off her curves. His hands were itching to touch her, but first things first. “I hope you’re hungry.”
She gave him a shy smile. “Starving.”
Justin knew she was nervous. He would normally keep things platonic between himself and a potential sub until limits were discussed, but he wanted to help put her at ease. Cupping the side of her face with his right hand, he brought their lips together for a chaste kiss. “We’ll eat first, then talk. All right?”
Kim nodded and followed him into the kitchen.
He had her take a seat at the table while he brought everything over.
“Were you planning to feed an army?” she asked.
Justin laughed. “Nope. Just us.”
“I know you eat a lot, but this could feed us for the entire week.”
Once everything was on the table, he sat down next to her. “It probably will. Or me, at least.”
She scrunched up her nose in confusion.
Handing her a plate and encouraging her to help herself, he explained, “I usually do the bulk of my weekly cooking, or at least prepping on Sundays. Since I don’t always know how late I’ll be at the shop during the week, it’s easier to have the food ready for me no matter what time I get home.”
“Oh,” she said. “That makes sense.”
They ate in silence for several minutes before Justin turned the conversation back to last night. “Was Ali able to help you?”
Kim swallowed her bite of food and nodded. “Yes. It was a good thing, too, because I didn’t know what some of the stuff was.” She lowered her voice and asked, “Do people really like to pee on each other?”
He chuckled. “Yes, there are people who like all sorts of things, including that.”
“I guess I’ve been living under a rock, then, because I’ve never heard of that.”
“You’ve never heard of golden showers?” he asked. While she might not have the variety of sexual experience he did, she wasn’t exactly a virgin.
Her eyes widened for a moment before going back to normal. “That’s what that means? I never knew that.”
Smiling, he reached for another piece of bacon. “What else did you and Ali talk about last night?”
She glanced up at him through her lashes. “I told her we slept together.”
“We did more than sleep,” Justin said with a pointed look.
Kim blushed, averting her eyes. “Yes, well, I told her that, too. She tried to downplay it, but I know she was hurt that I didn’t tell her. She knows I’ve had a crush on you for years.”
He placed a finger under her chin and guided her gaze to his. “I didn’t tell my best friend either.”
Silence fell between them as the reason for that hung in the air.
“How bad do you think it will be?” Kim asked.
Justin frowned. “I don’t know. Your brother knows about my lifestyle. Even if he doesn’t know the details of our bedroom activities, he’s going to at least have a clue as to what’s going on.” Dropping his hand, Justin picked up his plate and carried it over to the sink. “While Mark’s never said anything directly to me, I’ve always gotten the impression that he doesn’t approve. Or at least he doesn’t understand my need to dominate my partner. Nor their desire to submit.”
“And me being his sister...”
Her words lingered in the air as she joined him at the sink, putting her plate down next to his.
This was a strange situation they found themselves in. Normally, he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass what Mark thought of the women he dated, but this was different. She was Mark’s sister, and he didn’t want his friend thinking any less of her or their relationship.
That is, if this month-long trial went well.
Without overthinking it, Justin pulled her into his arms, resting his lips against her forehead. “If anything, he’ll take his frustration out on me, not you.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Kim said, leaning into his embrace.
Her words pulled a smile from him. Taking a step back, Justin put a little distance between them. As much as he wanted to skip to the good stuff, they needed to take care of business first. “Are you ready to go over our lists?”
“Not really.”
Justin took another step back. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this. One night of kinky sex was different than entering into a D/s relationship. “Have you changed your mind?”
Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “No, I haven’t changed my mind. I’m just...” She leaned back against the counter, putting more space between them. “I’m worried our lists won’t...mesh.”
At his look of confusion, she continued. “You’ve been doing this for a long time.”
“And you’re worried I’ll want something you aren’t willing to do?” he asked.
“Yes.” She pushed off the counter and began pacing. “I mean, I’ve watched stuff at the club, but my one and only experience was with you and I know now that was pretty tame.”
He could see she was beginning to panic. Taking hold of her hand, he forced her to stop and face him. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” Her answer came swift and sure.
“That’s the most important thing in these types of relationships. That and communication. Everything else can be figured out and negotiated.” He paused. “I think we’ve already figured out we’re compatible in the bedroom.”
The smirk on his face aimed to lighten the mood and it worked. A small grin pulled at the side of Kim’s lips. “Very compatible.”
Figuring it was time to get down to business, Justin led her back to the table. “Do you have your list?”
Kim retrieved her purse from the floor and removed several sheets of paper. Carefully, she unfolded them and laid them on the table in front of her. She placed her palms flat over the papers and looked up at him. “What happens now?”
Normally, they would exchange lists, read them over, and then discuss, but he wasn’t sure that was the best option in this case. She was clearly nervous, and she was right. He had been doing this for a long time and he had a wide variety of interests. The last thing he wanted to do was increase her anxiety.
But he also wanted to do this right. If this thing between them didn’t work out. If, and even thinking about it made him sick to his stomach...if she did this with another Dom someday, he wanted her to know what was normal. Red flags, like not going over lists and negotiating the relationship expectations first before any play began, were important to spot early.
“We exchange lists. You read over mine and I read over yours, and then we talk about it.”
Kim took a deep breath in, her chest rising with the action, and he couldn’t stop his gaze from drifting to that part of her body. He hadn’t spent nearly enough time worshiping them. A problem he aimed to remedy soon.
She slid her papers toward him and he did the same, forcing himself to concentrate on the task at hand. There would be time later for indulging.
For the next fifteen minutes, they read over each other’s lists in silence. It didn’t take him that long to get through hers. A lot of items were marked as don’t know. She’d marked all the things they’d done during their one night together as like, which brought a smile to his face. The only things she had marked as hard limit were the more extreme items on the list, which were fine. He had no interest in hard-core S&M.
As he sat waiting for her to finish going over his list, he wondered what she’d think of his likes and dislikes when it came to play. She was correct when she said what they’d done before had been tame. He’d wanted to give her a good experience, so he’d gone easy on her. A little spanking, a blindfold, and a little bondage can go a long way with someone who’s new to kink.
When she met his gaze from across the table, she looked...apprehensive. He grabbed her hand and held it between both of his. “Talk to me.”
“Can I have some water?” she asked.
Not what he’d been expecting, but...
“Sure.”
Returning to the table a few moments later, Justin handed her the glass of water she’d requested. She brought it to her lips and took a sip. “Thanks.”
He sat back down and waited, his own anxiety creeping up the longer she remained silent. Was there something on his list that had frightened her? He wouldn’t think so, but he couldn’t be sure.
Finally, she met his gaze. “Does it always feel this overwhelming?”
“What do you mean?”
Kim sat her glass on the table in front of her and blew out a breath. “I mean, I knew how much there was, but seeing it all in front of me and how many things you have checked that you’ve tried.”
She didn’t continue and he felt compelled to respond. “I’ve been doing this for a long time.”
“I know. And part of me is glad because it means you know what you’re doing.” She ran her hands over the papers in front of her. “Ali said if both of us were new to the lifestyle, it would be harder.”
“Yes, that’s usually true.”
Then he noticed a tear leak from her eye and roll down her cheek. “I want to be a good sub for you but look at my list and look at yours.”
Seeing her cry nearly broke him. He didn’t like seeing her this distressed, and especially not over something that could be remedied with time.
Justin used the pad of his thumb to wipe the tear from her cheek. “Experience isn’t everything.” He didn’t usually talk about past subs when negotiating a new arrangement, but this was different. Kim was different. They both knew they weren’t going into this to get their rocks off. “I’ve played with subs who’ve had as much experience in the lifestyle as I do.”
She groaned.
“And while they were good subs, there was no connection. Not like the one we have.”
“What if you tell me to do something and I screw it up? I don’t want to embarrass you at the club.”
A light bulb went off in his head. “Everyone at the club knows you’re new, so no one is going to expect you to be perfect out of the gate. Not even me.” He paused. “But if you disobey me while we’re playing, at the club or not, your ass will be feeling it.”
She squirmed a little in her chair, so she knew exactly what he was talking about.
Justin grinned. “Let’s get through our lists, and then we have some business to take care of before tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes. Tonight, you make your debut at the club as my submissive.”