I set her in the box and gently shut the lid. She would be safe here. I could always put her on after my shower to have a moment with her before I returned to the others.
I turned from the box and glanced at the door in the middle of the wall opposite my bed. It called to me. I stepped inside and found a white, clean bathroom ready for use.
“Oh, thank goodness,” I said when my eyes came in contact with fluffy purple towels. I always seemed to forget to take one with me when I showered and was forced to run naked down the hall to grab one or magic one out of thin air.
I stripped off my clothes, noticing for the first time the drops of blood splattered over my sleeves. I blinked. It almost didn’t feel like this was real.
That must have rubbed off Tavlor’s clothes.
I shivered, remembering the way it had felt to fight those wolf shifters. The fear, the danger, the thrill of adrenaline that came with fighting for my life and for the life of someone I cared about.
I hated to say it, but I could probably get used to such a thing. Now that I could look back on it, I remembered a surge of adrenaline coursing through my body. I remembered the way my fingertips pulsated with magic, just wanting to push through and escape from the confines of my body. I remembered the way my lips curled up into a smirk, waiting for the shifters to make their moves, knowing I could do great damage to them with a flick of my wrist.
I turned the water on and as soon as the temperature was warm enough, I stepped beneath the spray.
The tears came as the water ran down my face, mixing together.
So much heartbreak, so much stress. And Tavlor, who’d been my rock, something to cling to in this time, had just declared I was nothing more than an obligation. Part of his job.
I sniffled, wiping the snot that had run down my nose with the back of my hand and rinsed it underneath the water.
Who was he fucking kidding?
Part of his job.
I scoffed.
Though no one could see me, I felt better doing it. It smoothed down the jaggedness in my chest.
I grabbed up a bar of soap laying in the dish and began to scrub my body in a way I hadn’t been able to do since I’d left this realm. Neither Mallory’s house, nor the Fae realm had the same facilities I was used to here. The rose-scented soap filled my nostrils and helped ease even more tension out of my body. At least when I was finished, I would smell delicious.
Not that Tavlor would even notice.
I scrubbed my arms and legs, wanting to wash away the stench of death, the smell of fear that clung to me. I wanted to wash away the heartbreak, the sadness. The disappointment.
That was probably the worst one of all.
But I should have known better. I knew what I was getting into when I let myself fall for someone like Tavlor. He was married to the job, and duty was the always going to be his top priority. It didn’t matter that I saw him as a person and not a cog in a machine. It didn’t matter that I accepted him for exactly what he was. He was going to do what he wanted.
And, unfortunately, that wasn’t me.
Why did this have to be so hard?
I growled at myself as I felt the defeatist mindset begin to win. I couldn’t let the warlocks pull me down. I needed to accept the fact that I was alone and use it to my advantage. I had survived before I met Tavlor, and even though it sucked, I would survive without him.
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, letting the heat of the water wash over my head and soak my hair. I let out a deep breath, trying to ease the pain, even if it was difficult to do so.
There was shampoo and conditioner at the base of the shower. Bella thought of everything. I smiled to myself, shaking my head.
I was with my sisters. If I was going to endure heartbreak, at least they were right here with me.
I guess I wasn’t really alone, not with them next to me.
I picked up the soap and scrubbed the dirt and grime away. I watched as bubbles formed around my feet, circling the drain before disappearing forever. Then I conditioned my hair and brushed the tangles out, focusing on my physical well-being so that I didn’t let the whirling vortex of emotions suck me down too hard.
By the time I’d turned off the water and wrapped myself in a fluffy purple towel, my head was mostly clear. I just kept trying to remind myself that it was okay, that I should expect this, that maybe this was a good thing.
Except for the ache in my heart where the hopes for Tavlor and I used to be. It was definitely not the relationship I thought I would get myself into, but it was the one I wanted more than I cared to admit.