Almost twenty years... my mother had visited the High Warlock once more after Courtney was born. She never spoke of it, but she’d borne him a fourth child. A son. Who had died at birth.
My brother.
Mother refused to speak of him and I only had a vague memory of the night he was born. But every now and then, I would hear her in her room late at night, when all three of us were supposed to be sleeping, crying. At the time, I didn’t understand why and thought she was ashamed by my lack of magic skills or perhaps Bella had been blunt again and she’d a reaction to it.
But now I knew.
Ever since my brother’s birth, my mother had never visited the magical realm again.
“I wanted to meet you.” I said simply and the smoke around me billowed green. I couldn’t help but stare at the smoke. I shifted with discomfort. I didn’t like that he had cast a spell to get to know me better.
He smiled kindly. “Well, that is very nice.” He said. “But I don’t understand the urgency of the visit. Is it to tell me of your mother? Has she... passed away?”
He knew...
Had someone told him, or...
I took a step forward. “You can feel her, can’t you?”
He glanced down as though embarrassed. “I can feel... a lack of her, if that is possible.” He twiddled his fingers, his cheeks slightly red. I never expected that my father, the High Warlock, would blush for any reason.
I nodded, my heart clenching at the show of emotion that flickered across the otherwise calm Warlock before me.
“Yes, I understand what you mean,” I said softly. “My mother was everything to me, and her death has left a gaping hole in my heart where she used to be.”
I did not tell him that Mother and I butted heads more often than not. I did not tell him that I never felt good enough for her. I was honest, I did miss her, but the complicated nature of our relationship was kept to myself.
He smiled gently. “I can imagine. She was a very vivacious woman. She could light up a room.”
“She certainly could.” I laughed as tears filled my eyes and I wiped them away again. It was too soon to be thinking about how much I missed my mother. It was strange to talk about her in the past, as though we would never experience her warmth – when she offered it – again. She had only died a day ago. It still felt as though an eternity had passed. Talking about her in the past tense felt so sudden.
Far too soon.
I wasn’t used to it.
“When did she pass away?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. His fingers grazed a stand that held a glass vase. Or maybe it was crystal. I didn’t know, but it seemed valuable.
I swallowed hard. “Yesterday.” For the third time, my eyes began to water. I nearly cursed myself at how easy it was for me to cry. I was decent at controlling my emotions. Mother made sure of it. And yet, speaking to my father, to a man I barely remembered, I was more emotional than I realized.
His eyebrows rose high on his forehead. “Oh my... you poor thing.” He dropped his hand back to his side. “Well, I can only imagine you have something vastly important to ask for you to seek me out at this time. How can I help you, Ava?”
I opened my mouth and stopped. How on earth was I going to say what needed to be said? Especially since I’d promised Aunt Alison, I wouldn’t reveal who I was.
I laughed nervously. “I have gone over this moment so many times in my head, but now that it’s here, I... I don’t know what to say.” Or how to say it.
He took a seat and frowned. “I don’t understand.”
I couldn’t believe he wasn’t even asking who my father was, or anything about my paternity. Didn’t he feel the connection, the magic flowing around the room?
He didn’t realize I was his daughter, even with his elicit relationship with my mother? Was he in denial? Was he naïve?
“Don’t you know who I am?” Surely, he could see it? In my face, my height? Something?
The palm I cut to make my vow with Alison pinched a little in warning, though it was vague- as though stifled somehow. I clenched my teeth together, keeping anything more to myself.
I guess I’d assumed he would just know once he saw me, but apparently, that wasn’t the case. My heart sank with disappointment but I pushed the thought aside. I wouldn’t dwell. I couldn’t. It would only distract me.
He frowned. “I’m sorry Ava, but if you’ve been led to believe I’m anything special to you, then you’ve been mis-informed,” he said, matter-of-factly.