“And that gives him the right to keep things from me? I asked him point-blank what he knows and is hiding from me, and he told me he couldn’t tell me until I’m ready.”
The mats creaked underneath us as I shifted to lie flat on the blue vinyl. The Captain joined me, still holding my hand in his. Somehow, it didn’t feel weird here. In real life, I’d have cut off his hand and thrown it back to him.
Now, though, it was beginning to feel like I was giving a little of myself to keep him with me longer.
“Don’t pretend you don’t have your own secrets to keep,” the Captain said. “I know you well enough by now to guess you have at least one or two things you haven’t told him you probably should have.”
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes closed. “I’ll think about it.”
“There’s one more thing I want you to do for me.”
“Just as demanding in death as you were in life.”
He grunted and nudged my shoulder with his.
“Too soon?” I asked.
“I want you to kill Esteban.”
His words surprised me. I thought we were already on the same page when it came to that bastard. “Of course, I’m going to kill him. What, did you think we were going to run off together?”
I shuddered, unable to even speak about such a thing in jest.
“No, I mean, I want you to physically end his life. When it comes down to it, Fin will hesitate, and it might get him killed. Don’t even let him in the situation. If you have the chance, take it, and don’t let Fin be the one standing between you.”
Each word he spoke had a forceful edge to it, as if he were trying to impart some hidden meaning I should be able to grasp.
I couldn’t, not right now, so I said, “Of course, I’ll handle it. Do you happen to have any tips, tricks, or tidbits, on how to deal with this guy that you might not have told me before?”
He turned his head to stare at me, and again, I felt like there might be something he desperately wanted to impart, that I shouldn’t have to ask. But he didn’t speak.
So, I turned my attention back to the white ceiling above me, and spent the last few lingering moments I had with the Captain. If he wanted to lay here in silence, I wasn’t about to take that away from him.
The dreamy haze of the moment began to wane. I could feel myself starting to wake up. I gripped his hand tighter, hoping to keep him with me, even as I knew I needed to let him go.
“I’m not ready to say goodbye yet. I wasn’t at the house and I’m not now. I know I’ve been a complete brat to you, but I like you. I liked you even when I first met you. We’re too alike for us to remain enemies.”
He laughed, warm and soft. It felt good to hear it in the air around me. “We aren’t saying goodbye, Zoey, because I’m already gone. This is just your mind, and my magic’s way of giving us a few more moments together.”
“Does Fin get to say goodbye too?”
I tilted my head to see his eyes better.
“No, he doesn’t. But he knows how I felt about him, and I knew how he felt about me too. Like you and him, he and I shared a bond as well. Not the same kind of bond, but unbreakable nonetheless.”
It was the closest we’d come to speaking about our aligned feelings for Fin, but I didn’t want to taint the moment by bringing it up, so I just nodded.
“Any chance I can get you to tell me what Fin’s last secret is? The one he’s hiding behind. I will not lie. It might be the one to push us apart for good.”
“You two don’t have a chance of being apart. Even angry at each other and practically forcing yourselves away, you always end up drifting together again. And to answer your question, no, I won’t tell you, not yet. As Fin said, you’re not ready. But I might give you a bit of a hint.”
“Please do. I need all the help I can get to get inside Fin’s head. Sometimes I feel like he’s even more secretive and paranoid than the Chief.”
We rolled onto our sides to face each other.
“I doubt anyone is more secretive and paranoid than your father.”
The urge to clarify that the Chief wasn’t my father rose to my lips. But after everything he’d done for me today, I couldn’t bring myself to denounce him.