Chapter Four
I shoved Fin out ofmy personal space, my sides singing in pain with the move. “I was done talking when you controlled my mind last night after promising never to do it again. Where’s your stupid fae honor?”
He huffed and spun away, his shoulders rigid and tight.
I gaped at him. “Wait a second—you’re angry with me? We saved your damn life, and the Captain almost died, but you’re mad at me!”
I exhaled through my mouth and forced myself to calm down. Having a heart attack in the middle of a deserted road wouldn’t help anyone, and I’d had enough of Fin’s hospitality.
“What are you doing here? What do you want?” I asked, working hard to keep my voice level. It was a long way from calm, but I would take what I could get that wasn’t a shrill shriek.
He rounded on me again, his face a perfect mask of composure. “The same thing I was doing before you walked out on me, Zoey—looking for my sister.”
Something like sadness tinted his words.
“What do you want from me?” I sighed, feeling some of the anger leech out of me. “I gave everything I had to try and find her. I’ve almost died a couple of times for my effort. Besides, I gave you your money back and I’m heading home so you can go off and do whatever it is you think you can do to find her. How long has it been, decades? What makes you think you’ll find the real her, here?”
He narrowed his eyes and took a step forward. “What did you hope to find here?”
Refusing to retreat, I matched him and took a step towards him.
I clutched the watch in my pocket and swallowed the confession pinging around my brain. “I don’t know, but I had some time to myself and thought I’d at least come back and check for clues. It seems you got here first. Did you find anything?
He shook his head and glanced down at his feet.
This was why I wanted to get the hell away from him. Now I felt sorry for the bastard instead of boiling anger. Like he knew exactly where to press to shift my moods. Not this time. I wouldn’t allow him to drag me back into his mess of a life. Not when he gave me nothing in return.
“Have a nice life, Fin,” I said and grabbed the car door, which still hung open behind me.
When he drew in his next breath, loudly, it wobbled, as did his voice when he spoke. “I chose you.”
It took me a moment to realize what he’d said, to filter it through my pain-addled brain and decipher the words. I spun back to face him.
I forced myself to really see him, maybe for the first time, as a man instead of the fairy tale I’d built up around him and his race and his magic.
“Say that again,” I said.
He exhaled, softer this time. “I chose you. After years of searching, I chose you and then I couldn’t rectify the consequences in my head. Not after spending so much of my life seeking revenge, trying to find out what happened to her.”
I didn’t intend to tell him about Sol, not after the way he’d treated me. Especially not after he’d violated my free will. But damn it, watching him suffer only hurt me more.
“Your sister wasn’t there last night,” I said, forcing out the words. “That girl... It wasn’t Sol. It was another one of his tricks. He was toying with all of us.”
Fin dropped his gaze to the concrete, still perfectly content to stand in the middle of the road.
Finally, he said, “I know. Some part of me realized it last night. It’s been haunting me. Would I have still made the same decision if she’d actually been there? Would I have somehow known it was Sol and chose her instead of you?”
“Do you want me to thank you for the choice you made? The one you rubbed in my face immediately afterward as I fought to stay alive. The one you used as an excuse to break your promise to me.” I squared my shoulders and glared at him. “I won’t. Nor will I apologize for being here, for being alive, or for you having to make the choice in the first place. We all knew what we were getting into. Worse, you raced off on your own, thinking you could do what we all couldn’t do together. You should be thankful you’re alive. Not me. Even more so after you walked out on me last night.”
I waited for the backlash.
Instead, he closed the distance between us until I could see the glowing crystals around his irises.
“I know you’ve lost people, so I won’t pretend like you don’t know what that feels like,” he said, “but, please, consider that feeling multiplied tenfold over decades. With so many friends and family gone, sometimes I lose my head when it comes to keeping everyone safe.”
“What does that have to do with me? I’m just your employee,” I said.
We’d been far more than that for some time, but my pride wouldn’t budge. Not even for him.
He reached out and traced the edge of my jaw with his index finger. “If you believed that, truly believed it, then you wouldn’t be so angry and raw right now.”
The wind caught his hair, sending it spiraling around his neck. I couldn’t look away as he inched toward me, a hunter creeping up on his prey.
“You betrayed my trust in the most brutal way,” I choked out. “When I was already vulnerable. You forced me to fight for my dignity while I fought for my life. I don’t know if I can forgive you for that.”
With a sigh, he dropped his hand. The distance between us grew wider, a chasm neither of us could breach.
“I know. I don’t know if I can forgive myself for that either.”
We needed to change the subject, I couldn’t handle all these emotions. His or mine.
“Will you tell me how the Captain is, please?”
Fin’s eyes widened briefly, as though he was surprised by the topic change. But then answered my question. “He’s fine. Doing better. After his surgery, I used an old healing ritual as my power was quite tapped out. He is already up and bossing everyone around again. He keeps asking after you too.”
I snorted. “He has my phone number. He can call.”
Fin tucked his chin. A wash of pink rose high on his cheekbones. “I think he believes that calling you would mean betraying my trust. As if he’s supposed to be on my side. But he’s also punishing me by stationing guards every few feet while forcing me to hunt for a staff member he thinks is a spy. Since he’s suffered a mortal injury, of course.”
A small smile slipped across his lips, as if he were encouraging my own.
I scowled and turned back to the car. “I have to go.”
He reached out to grasp my shoulder. “Please. Let me do a little more healing on you. It will help you do whatever you need to get done. I don’t like seeing you in pain.”
I shoved his hand away but didn’t face him. “Then I guess stop hurting me and maybe you won’t have to see me like this.”
“You know what I mean.”
He stood so close I could feel the warmth from his body in waves around me. It would take nothing to lean back into his strength, let him lend me some for a while. To wash away the pain and turn it into something else.
I shook my head. “I really have to go. I have a long way back to the city and a lot of stuff to do.”
If he knew I was lying, he didn’t show it. His face remained perfectly neutral in my peripheral vision. All he did was nod, once, as if giving me permission to run away.
“I really do have somewhere to be,” I tried again.
Tomorrow, not today, but he didn’t need to know that.
I had no clue why I felt the need to justify walking away from him.
“Stop it,” I said, so quietly the words were almost lost to the wind rippling through the trees.
“Stop what?”
I looked back up at him. The scent of ozone in the air wafted off him and all I could think about was kissing him right now. Despite the betrayal, the anger, and our short but adventurous history, it was all I wanted.
“Are you controlling my mind?” I asked.
It seemed like the only logical explanation.
He dropped his shoulders. “No, I’ve done nothing to your mind. Why? Do you feel compelled to do something against your will?”
I studied his face. The full pink lips which I knew were pillow soft. The silky fall of his hair tangling around his neck and face. But above all, I couldn’t drag my eyes away from his. Not with this feeling swirling around inside me.
Before I could think about it too hard, I reached out and grabbed his T-shirt, grabbing him into me at the same time I stepped to him.
I planted my lips on his. His mouth opened into mine, yielding to me.
The scent of ozone rose to a crackle around us, making the fine hairs on my forearms prickle. He tasted like mint and the forest and a rainstorm.
When his fingers grabbed around my biceps, I pulled away, panting softly against his mouth, my fingers still tangled in the soft cotton of his shirt.
Not a perfect kiss, but a damn good one. Even if I ambushed him into it.
The glow in his eyes was brighter when I finally forced my gaze to his.
“Don’t, Zoey. I know you want to run right now, but don’t. Stay with me. Let me take you home.”
Though what he said was innocuous, he was offering so much more with his words.
He was offering himself.
A few days ago, I would have been happy with his request, with something sexy, if not simple between us.
Now, I knew he didn’t see me as an equal. How could he if he’d so easily invaded my mind and enforced his will?
Had he ever violated the Captain that way? Something told me probably not.
As much as my body yearned for more, despite the sheer pain overwhelming me, which spoke volumes about his kissing abilities, I couldn’t give in now. I would never be able to completely surrender myself.
I swallowed hard and released him. “Goodbye, Fin.”
I hopped in the car and pulled away. This time, he didn’t chase after me. He didn’t call me back through our bond, nor did he even send a text message.
Maybe I’d gotten through to him.
Now, if only I could get my own brain on board with leaving Fin in the dust where he belonged.