Taking a deep breath, I said, “There is this guy I really like, he is strong, hot, caring, fun. He takes my breath away…”
“But?” mom cocked her eyebrow.
“But… he doesn’t want a relationship. I mean… when we’re together I never worry about his loyalty, he makes me feel… loved, cherished, but whenever I mention relationships he becomes distant, acts like a jerk. He says things that hurt me. I don’t know why he is like that, Mom. When he acts like that I can’t be sure if I mean something to him or not,” I mumbled, I couldn’t stop the words coming out of my mouth.
“You love him, don’t you?”
“Yeah…” I sighed.
“And last night… he wanted me to take him back, he sounded like he wanted a relationship, but he was drunk. How could I trust him when he said those things when he was drunk? What do I make out of his words?” I groaned.
“He is just scared, baby girl,” Mom said, surprised me.
“Scared? Why?”
“He is scared of relationships. I don’t know why, but he reminds me of your dad,” she said fondly, smiling, her eyes got distant with what I assumed to be the memory of my dad.
“Your dad was exactly the badboy type, you know how they are described in novels, right? He was that guy, hot, careless, and fearless. I still remember how I forget to breathe when I was with him. Stephan was just the way you described your guy –when I was with him he made me feel like the most beautiful girl on earth, he was caring, made me feel loved, cherished. But convincing him of being in a relationship wasn’t easy,” she continued.
“Why?” I asked, interested in the story. Mom had never told me about these things before. I remember my dad, but what I remembered was how madly in love he was with my mom. Their love was what made me a romantic, what made me believe in fairytales and soulmates.
“I didn’t know… till I found out I was pregnant with you. Your dad was mixture of emotions then. One moment he was angry with me, the next he was caressing my belly, looking so proud… and finally he cried,” she smiled fondly, taking a deep breath before continuing, “Stephan took after his father and his family life was fucked up. His dad wasn’t a good father or a good husband. He was always drinking. There was violence in his house when he was a child.”
“Oh my God… I can’t believe this. That’s why we’ve never talked to them, right?” I asked, feeling sorry my dad had been through this.
Mom nodded, “Stephan was scared that he wouldn’t be a good dad, a good husband… that he would make us live the same things his dad put his family through. It took me a long time to show him that he wasn’t his father… that he was a great guy, amazing father, and a perfect husband. After he came to the OB/GYN with me to see you, he always continued to try his best. He never gave up. He wanted you to have the best father possible,” she said, her eyes tearing up.
“He was a great dad!” I protested. My dad was my hero, my prince charming and I always dreamed of finding a man like him.
“I know, baby. But he needed to believe it. Nothing we could say was enough to change his mind, but that only gave him enough courage to take a shot on a relationship. He was the most badass guy I can think of… yet he was a scared kid inside when it came to this,” she told me, taking a deep breath before continuing, “So… your guy reminds me of Stephan, Mel. The only thing I can advise you is… don’t care about his words, focus on his actions… and if you love him, show him he’s worth it.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I whispered, hugging her.
She caressed my hair and placed a kiss on my forehead before going back inside the house. After a few steps she stopped, looking at me over her shoulder, “Don’t care what people think. If he is the one that makes you happy, you’ll always have my blessing,” she said, leaving me shocked.
Did she know?
Shaking my head, I headed back to the house behind her…
And soon, I left the house, letting my heart decide my destination.
“Thanks, Fernando,” I smiled at him as he opened the door for me.
“You’re welcome, Miss Crown. Mr. Hawke will be home in an hour max,” he said.
“Where is he?”
“He went running, ma’am. If you need anything just dial one from the phone in the kitchen,” he said, leaving me alone in the house after I gave him a nod.
I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I decided to take a tour of the house. I was nervous when I stopped in front of a room I had never been before. I knew he kept his paintings there, but I had never had the chance to see any of them. He didn’t really hide them from me, but he didn’t show me either. Feeling tempted, I stepped into the room.
Shock was the first feeling I could name.
Then, it turned into admiration.
Then, it turned into tears of happiness.
Finally all I could feel was the love I felt for Kellan as I let my eyes wonder from one painting to another –all of them were… me.