I forced myself to turn my back and walk away. I went back to my office, standing in front of floor to ceiling windows, I watched the people walking below, unaware of my broken heart above their heads.
I could still feel him where he was just a few minutes ago yet he said “there was no one special”. I wasn’t expecting him to fall on his knees and profess his love for me. But I thought what we had was something special, something worth all the risk. I knew it wasn’t exactly love between us, but it was more than just a fuck… at least to me.
The hurt subdued, leaving anger in its place, rage even, I wiped my tears and bolted into Kellan’s office. The door sharply hit the wall, causing the frame to fall. I waited for him to say something, but when I looked at him, he was leaning back on his chair, calmly, and watching me without expression.
“Is there a problem, Miss Crown?”
“Yes! There is a big problem, Mr. Hawke,” I exclaimed.
“Mmm, I like it when you call me Mr. Hawke,” he murmured, amused.
“Stop it! Just stop! What am I to you? A sex toy? A whore? Do you think I’m gonna fuck you then leave without a word, without meaning anything to you? You’ve just fucked me, Kellan. You fucked me a few damn minutes ago and then told your grandma that I’m not someone special.”
“Are you finished?”
“No! No, I’m not finished. I can’t do it anymore. I’m not your whore or your sex toy. I lied to everyone, I risked everything… for what? Huh? For what?”
“A good fuck?” He offered. Amusement was dripping from his voice.
“A good fuck? Is that all I am to you? Damn you! I won’t keep doing that for ‘a good fuck’, Kellan. I can get that from anywhere. I thought there was something more, but I see I’m wrong…I’m done,” I finished.
“Then why are you here, Melody?” he said, standing from his chair, walking toward me with purpose. I couldn’t help but move back.
I didn’t notice I left the door open until he closed and locked it. Thank God we were alone on this floor.
“Why are you here, Mel?” he repeated his question, standing in front of me.
“Why are you always coming to me instead of going to someone else for “a good fuck” you can easily find somewhere else, then? Why are you looking at me like you want to rip off my clothes and jump me? Why don’t you stop all this mess if it bothers you that much? Why are you arching your back to get closer to me, why are you begging for me to kiss you, even fuck you, with your eyes when you want to be angry with me? Why, Melody?” His breath was on my face, his lips were grazing mine, his eyes were captivating.
“Because… I…” I didn’t know what to say, how to answer. I took a deep breath, “Because I love you, damn it. Because I am stupid enough to fall in love with a bastard like you. Because I thought I meant something to you,” I hated the vulnerability in my voice.
“Don’t I mean anything to you, Kellan?” I whispered.
I hated the hope in me as I waited for him to reply.
I hated his silence.
I expected him to say something… say that I meant something to him.
I stopped breathing when I saw his lips part to talk…
“No, you don’t,” he said, unlocking the door without breaking eye contact with me. And then he left the room without a second glance, leaving me with my shattered heart, damaged pride, and also, after all these things, with a stupid part of me that still wanted to go after him.
What could a woman do after falling for a man she shouldn’t? After she meant nothing to that man? After she felt like her body was in pain. I didn’t know what others would do… Hell, even I didn’t know what to do.
Leaving the building was a blur. I remembered there were people who called out to me, but I didn’t stop or acknowledge them. Thankfully a taxi was waiting in front of the building, I jumped into it.
“Miss, I was waiting for a customer from the building,” the driver said, meeting my eyes in the mirror. I had no idea how I looked, but I must have looked pretty bad because the driver continued, “You know what, Miss? I will ask them to send another taxi. Where are we going?”
“To the city, just drive,” I whispered, didn’t even notice I was crying until tears wet my cheeks.
I loved someone who would never love me back.
I refused to see what was so obvious –he wasn’t relationship material. He never claimed to be. From the first second I met him, he had never given me wrong signals… I wanted to see them. I wanted this to be a story from a romance novel.
How stupid I was for seeing things that weren’t there in the first place. My hand was still itching to grab my phone from my purse, hoping he called or texted… even with a message I felt like I could have forgiven him.
How pathetic was that?