As soon as he’s gone, I peel off the crusty, bloodstained clothes and wash away any remaining blood in the sink. Once I’m done, I turn on the phone and wait for it to power up. Quinton must be losing it by now if Lucas went so far as to let me have my phone. I can imagine the way he must have raged to get Lucas to allow this.
He answers so fast I don’t even hear the ringing sound to signify the call connected. “What the fuck were you thinking? Doing this?” Even with him sounding like he’s ready to commit murder himself, his voice calms and centers me.
Instead of shouting or pleading, my voice is smooth. “I did what I had to do. I explained it to your mom.”
“But you didn’t explain it to me? Why didn’t you reach out to me?”
“I didn’t want you involved.”
“Right. Like I’m not involved.” He lets out a growl of frustration. “What were you thinking? How did you manage it? And why?”
I’ve already been through it so many times in my head it comes out like I’m reading from a script. “He came into my room after you left. Talking about that night and how he wanted to have fun because he didn’t have the chance to do it. He was too busy recording everything. He was there, and he was the one who drugged me.”
“Lucas told me.” Quinton's voice is so bitter he barely sounds like himself.
“When I told Nash about the baby, he laughed. He fucking laughed! I gave him what he deserved.”
Heavy breathing filters through the phone, letting me hear that his anger matches my own. “Did he hurt you?”
“He barely touched me before I stabbed him.”
“Then I’m only sorry I’m not the one who stabbed that piece of shit.”
“So you understand why it had to be done?”
“He deserved it. But that doesn’t mean you had to put yourself in this position, Aspen. You know what this means, right? Do you understand? I mean really?”
“I do. And I don’t regret anything.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it was the right thing to do. Don’t you get it? I’m so tired of being the person who gets run over. Always getting hurt, always at somebody else’s mercy. Not only did he laugh when I told him about the baby, but he was going to rape me. That’s what he was there for, to get what he didn’t get that night. He told me so. Was I supposed to let that happen? What could I have done to stop him, short of killing him?”
More heavy breathing. “So you would sacrifice the rest of your life?” he grunts.
“I would rather die because I did something brave for once than watch my world shrink out of fear. I don’t want to live that life. I finally took control. And I’m not scared of whatever is coming.”
“You must still be in shock.”
“Don’t dismiss me. I know what I’m saying. I’ve never been so clear-headed.”
“Goddamnit, Aspen.”
It’s the desperation in his voice that makes my breath catch. “I’m sorry if this makes things difficult for you.”
“Difficult?” He barks out a sharp laugh. “If that’s not the fucking understatement of the century. It’s fucking impossible.”
“What’s going on?”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
“I think I deserve to.”
His hesitation tells me he disagrees. Either that or he doesn’t want to say it out loud. He hardly has to. I know the rules. I know what’s coming. “The founding members have called an emergency meeting to decide what to do. They’re on their way. Including my father. We’re going to see if there’s any way we can get you out of this.”
“Does he think there’s any chance?”
“Aspen…”
“You can tell me. It’s okay.”
“It won’t be easy.” Of course, he would be stubborn and refuse to accept what I already know. “But we’re going to try like hell. I know we can figure something out. After what they did to you.”
“If he took a video of what happened, there’s no proof that he was actually there. Right? Because he’s not on camera. Besides, he didn’t attack me. I’m sure the members will use that against me, too. And there’s no way for me to prove what he was going to do to me in my room. Nobody was there to hear the things he said either.”
“You can’t give up.”
“Don’t you know there’s a difference between giving up and accepting what can’t be changed?” The thought makes me laugh softly. “Maybe you don’t because you’ve never had to accept something. You’ve always been able to push through. That’s who you are. And it’s how you were raised to be. I’m the person who accepts things and learns to adapt so I can survive.”
“But, Aspen, that’s the problem now. Survival.”
“Then all I can do is spend the time I have left staying strong. I’m not going to fall apart. I won’t beg for my life. I know what I did was right, and that’s all I need to know.”