“Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
It takes an enormous amount of restraint to walk away, and I’m only barely able to. Everything inside me wants to turn back and comfort her… wants to tell her I love her too.
13
ASPEN
My heart lurches in my chest, each beat thunderous and bleeding. With every step I take, I hear his voice in my mind.
“You need to forget about me.” Like I could ever do that.
“I could never love you.” Like he doesn’t already. I know he’s lying. I know he’s only trying to protect me.
From what, I’m not sure, but he thinks keeping us separated resolves our problems when it’s the last thing either of us needs or wants. It’s pathetic how long I stood in the tunnel staring at his retreating frame, wishing and willing him to turn around.
He didn’t. He never even wavered. I can’t help but wonder if there is a way to make him return to me. I swipe at my watering eyes, blinking back tears. Today cannot and will not end in tears.
A couple of students pass by me on their way to class, but they just keep their heads down and continue walking.
Ahead is the entrance to the library. The huge brown doors are open, beckoning me inside. I exhale as I walk in and breathe deeply through my nose, letting the feeling of being home resonate through me. I’ve missed this place so much.
“Aspen!” Brittney calls. “Just the person I was looking for.” Her lips are pulled up into a mammoth-sized smile.
She’s standing behind the big circular desk. I continue deeper into the library until I reach her, and Brittney comes running around the desk. Her body collides with mine, and she wraps thin arms around my middle, hugging me tight to her chest. I let out a gasp. Her sudden assault on me causes the air in my lungs to wheeze out between my teeth, but I hug her back. She has no idea how much I needed this.
“I’m so glad you’re okay. As soon as Lucas told me what happened, I tried to contact you. Last I heard, you were staying with Quinton and his family.” The words rush from her lips, and when she pulls away and looks me in the eyes, I can feel the walls I built up crumbling.
“What exactly did Lucas tell you?” I ask.
“He told me what they did and that you were staying with the Rossis until you were healed.”
My lips press into a firm line, and my throat tightens when I think about the baby. Our baby that never had a chance at life.
“All of that is true. I stayed with the Rossi’s for a short while, and then once I was better, Quinton shipped me back here. We kinda sorta broke up; if you could really even consider us being together at all.” I huff and finally look up to find Brittney staring at me.
The frown on her face deepens.
“What happened? What’s going on? How can I help?” She asks all three questions at once, and all I want to do is tell her she can’t help, that she can’t make things go back to the way they were, but I don’t.
I peer over my shoulder, scanning the library for any students within earshot.
“No one comes in here, and even if they did, it wouldn’t be right now,” Brittney adds, sensing my need for privacy.
Looking back at her, I let the words tumble out of me. “I… I just… I’m struggling a little bit, and I feel weak saying that, but it’s the truth.”
“If you want to talk about it, we can. I’m always here for you, and I’ll never judge you.”
A lump starts to form in my throat, and I swallow around it. I need to talk to someone about this, about our baby.
“Did you…?” I can feel the tears burning at the back of my eyelids. One blink and they’ll be set free. “Did you know…about… the baby?” My voice is nothing but a soft tremble.
The blood drains from her face, and she shakes her head.
“Oh, god. Aspen. I’m so sorry, honey.” My confession has visibly shaken her, and she wraps an arm around me, pulling me closer. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
The tears leak from my eyes without permission, and I clear my throat before speaking. “It’s okay. It’s not like everyone knows.” I brush off the pain. To fully acknowledge the loss would kill me. I’m not ready yet, but I need to talk about it. “I’m not dealing with the pain. I’m glancing over it. Every time I think about what could’ve been…” The pain in my chest intensifies, making it hard for me to breathe.
“I don’t think there is ever a perfect time to talk about loss. Healing happens on each person’s terms. If you aren’t ready, then you aren’t. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”