“What?” Paige asked, her hand coming up to her mouth. “No wonder she hates me.”
I laughed. “Yeah. You were never her favorite person.”
“You bought me a ring, Lucas?”
With a shrug, I answered her. “I did. The summer before we started college. I was going to ask you to marry me that Christmas. I had our life all planned out, Paige, and when you changed course, instead of being supportive, I freaked. It probably doesn’t help to tell you that about a week after I broke up with you, I drove up to Arkansas.”
“You did?” she asked, surprise laced in her voice.
“I was going to ask you to forgive me, beg you to forgive me, because I know I hurt you when I walked away from you.”
“What happened? You never called me. I never saw you.”
“I saw you purely by luck. You were walking from one of your classes and going through this park. You started to cry and leaned against a tree, then slid down to the ground. I started to walk toward you and stopped when I saw some guy lean down and ask you if you were okay. He pulled you into his arms. I stood there for what felt like forever as I watched another guy hold you. Then I left and drove back to Austin.”
Paige stared at me, a blank expression on her face. Then she closed her eyes and slowly shook her head.
“Do you know who that guy was, Lucas?”
“Do I really need to know?”
Her eyes snapped open and anger moved across her face. “Yes, you do. It was Josh Miller.”
I jerked my head back in confusion. “He has the same last name as you?”
She let out a strangled groan. “He’s my cousin, you idiot! Josh is my cousin. He was a senior at the U of A when I was a freshman. I had sent him a text and told him I was having a bad day. I missed home, I missed you, I was sad we had broken up and I was on the verge of telling my parents I wanted to come home. He met me at the park. He talked me down from the ledge. Jesus Christ, you saw me hugging my own freakin’ cousin!”
“Again, when did you start swearing so much?”
Her mouth fell open. “That’s what you’re going to say to that? Really?”
“Well, what do you want me to say? Am I pissed at myself? Hell yeah. Do I feel slightly sick? Yes. But I can’t go back in time and change any of it.”
She stood, knocking the chair over. “I don’t know if I want to strangle you, or rip your balls off, or hug you because you’re so stupid.”
I squeezed my legs together, then stood. “Paige, I walked up on something that threw me. I had no idea your cousin went to school there, you never told me.”
“You didn’t want to hear anything about me going to the University of Arkansas. All you wanted was for me to go to school with you. You never once stopped to think what I wanted. You refused to listen to my plan.”
“I did, Paige. I fucking did. And I made a mistake. A huge mistake that I have had to live with since I turned and walked away from you.”
“Twice, apparently.”
I scrubbed my hands down my face. “Listen, the past is the past, and I don’t want to argue with you about it. I fucked up. Can we both just agree to that?”
Her arms crossed her chest. “We most certainly can.”
“What I need you to know is that I don’t want to hurt you, and maybe my motives for wanting to sell the house were off, but I never once wanted to take the house out from under you to hurt you or pay you back for something. I wouldn’t do that to you, Paige.”
Paige looked away from me.
“Please look at me.”
She slowly met my gaze. “Then why were you so hellbent on buying me out, on selling this house? I know it once meant something to you.”
I swallowed hard. “I did love this house, and I loved the idea of us being in it together. Maybe it had something to do with my pride and the fact that I messed up with us. All I know is the moment I saw you, I knew the life I had been living was a lie.”
Her eyes narrowed in on me. “What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t happy, and I haven’t been happy for a long time. I let Bianca make all the decisions, I followed her around like a fucking puppy because I was trying to make up for the mistake I made with you. When you mentioned last night how much it hurt you to see me travel with her, I wanted to punch myself.”