I feel love. Great love for the man sitting next to me.
After we eat, I look at him. Somehow I have to explain away last night. I can’t just leave it like that.
‘About last night.’
He lifts his head and looks at me expressionlessly.
‘I know I was downright pathetic in the bathroom yesterday, but I guess I’m not a very strong person. I—’
‘Not a very strong person? What the hell are you talking about? Fucking hell, Snow. You’re one of the strongest women I know. You were strong even when your whole world was crumbling beneath your feet.’
He shakes his head.
‘You came to England on your own in search of a dream. That’s brave enough to start with. And then you endured an ordeal at nineteen that could have sent a grown woman mad. And the best part, you survived it all on your own, without any professional help, any proper medication or counseling to lessen the pain, and under the manipulative and insidious influence of a total psychopath.
‘That, in my book, makes you an incredibly strong person. Strength doesn’t always mean a woman never cries or has a breakdown, or a woman who never gives an inch to man because that could be interpreted as her being weak. But it definitely means a woman who quietly rebuilds her life after it is shattered through no fault of her own. You’re a fucking warrior, Snow.’
Twenty-eight
SNOW
That day, Shane takes me shopping for some clothes. He seems very familiar with the art of taking a woman shopping. I quickly buy some cosmetics, a bottle of perfume, a pair of jeans, a couple of T-shirts, underwear, and tights.
‘Right, you need something jazzy for tonight,’ he says, and takes me to a boutique where the two assistants seem to know him very well.
He makes me try on three different dresses and buys them all.
‘Have you got something for her to put her lipstick into?’ he asks the girls.
They come back with three different evening bags and he nods approvingly. Afterwards, we have lunch in a cozy little café nearby, then drop by a shoe shop to get shoes for all three dresses.
‘Tired?’ he asks.
‘A little.’
‘Come on, I’ll take you home and you can have a little nap. I’ve got errands to run.’
He drops me back to the apartment then goes out. I plan to clean the place, but someone has come in while we were out and cleaned the place thoroughly. I try to read a book, but I am too wound up. Despite everything
Shane says about Lenny, I know I still owe him an explanation. No matter what anybody says, Lenny took care of me.
I sit down and write a letter to him. I tell him that I have fallen in love with someone else. I tell him that I will always care for him and be grateful for what he did for me. I tell him that one day we’ll be friends. And then I tear the letter to shreds and throw it away. I know what is bothering me.
There is no happy ending to this story. Lenny is going to be furious with me. And he’s going to want to know who has taken his possession away from him.
I sit on the couch and feel shivery, and frightened for Shane. What if Lenny hurts Shane? I know Shane can use his fists, I saw that in the car park, but this is different. Shane is too sweet to take on a ruthless gangster like Lenny. I see it in the eyes of all the people we meet, how wary they are of him. They wouldn’t be afraid if there was nothing to fear.
By the time Shane comes back I am in a real state. I have convinced myself that Lenny is going to kill him. That I should never have started seeing Shane in the first place. Tears are pouring down my face. When he walks through the door he immediately comes to my side
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks.
‘He’ll kill you, Shane. I know Lenny. He’ll kill you,’ I babble hysterically.
He sits back on his heels and looks at me. He reaches out a hand and strokes my wet cheeks. ‘Do you really have so little faith in me?’
‘You don’t understand. I know him. I know what he is capable of.’
‘Then rest easy that you don’t know what I am capable of.’ And something lurks in his eyes.