“Thanks.” He turned a bit to look at me. “I guess you were a nosy little thing and found my address in my file?”
“Yes.” Pulling out of his driveway, I headed for the clinic. “Look, James, I feel awful–”
“It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I know this whole thing isn’t your fault in the slightest. I also know that I’m being a baby and an ass about this.”
“I swear I’m not a pushy person,” I said, turning onto a larger street. “I mind my own business, and let other people mind theirs. But this is important. And…” I felt myself choking up, but tried to power through. “If this tears us apart, my heart is going to be completely broken. But I’ll get over it someday because I know that I’m doing the right thing.”
James didn’t look at me, but he reached out to place his hand on my knee.
We drove in silence until I pulled into the lot and parked the car. As he removed his hand, I saw that it was shaking slightly.
I took off my seatbelt and turned to him, grabbing both of his hands in mine. “It’s okay to be nervous,” I said softly. “I know that you are a big tough guy, but this is something that makes everybody feel rattled. It’s okay.”
His dark chuckle surprised me. “I’m fine. I was just so irritated that I forgot to have lunch.”
Pulling a granola bar out of my purse, I handed it to him. “Thanks.” James wolfed it down in three bites, then grabbed his cane as we got out of the car.
It was a fairly large medical building, but I’d been here before to take a tour of the equipment. James was quiet, and obviously moody. I was glad that I could guide him directly to the wing where they were expecting him.
“Karen,” I said with relief, seeing her spiky black hair from over the desk.
“Molly?” She jumped up and came around the desk to give me a hug. “Damn, I haven’t seen you in months. How are you?”
“Great, but I’m going to need your help today,” I said, turning to James. “You have an appointment for Mr. Little?”
Karen smiled at James, then made a point of tilting her chin higher and higher. “Little? Of course.”
James nodded, but didn’t speak.
“No offense,” I said, lowering my voice, “but he really dislikes all of this scanning and poking and prodding. Is there any chance we could give this nice soldier the gold star treatment, and get him in and out of here in a flash?”
Karen went back behind the desk and checked something on her computer. “Done. You’re next, don’t even sit down.”
The two of us escorted him down the hall, chatting lightly about the cheesy photographs in the lobby, and allowing him to be quiet.
“I’ll be back at reception if you need anything,” Karen said brightly, giving James a pat on the shoulder. “You’re in good hands with Gavin. He’s the absolute best, I swear.”
> To my great relief, the scan technician told James that hitching up his shorts would be fine, and he didn’t need to change into a gown.
“Do you want me to wait in the reception area, or stay in the room with you?” I asked.
He surprised me by wrapping his arm around me, pulling my body against his as he kissed me softly. “Stay.” I nodded, sitting down beside him as he lay down.
Gavin was soft-spoken, but very efficient. He had James stretch out his injured leg on the table, working it over with the ultrasound wand.
“This is the spot we are most concerned about, correct?” he asked, pointing to the area without touching it.
“Yes,” we both said at the same time.
He smiled, nodding, then said, “James, I’m sorry, but to get a clear scan of that area, I’m going to have to bear down with the wand a bit. Depending on how tender it is, it might hurt like hell, but it will only be ten to twenty seconds.”
I instantly reached out to hold his right hand, standing as close as I could beside him. “I’m sure I’ve been through worse,” he said. “Go ahead.”
I knew that James controlled himself very well through painful exercises and stretches, but this was a different sort of pain. His hand clenched around mine, then released it immediately. I felt like he didn’t want me to know how much it hurt.
I’m not sure why that bothered me so much. He was a wonderful man with other people, but he didn’t seem to extend that same compassion to himself.
In the army they seemed to teach people to be tightly controlled, but I wished that he would let go of that and allow himself to feel every emotion he needed to express right now.