“Yes. Well, I stopped to scrawl down my cell number so he could call me later.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Because I felt like my head was going to explode. I felt like my heart was going to explode. Is that enough of a reason?” I spin on her, and then quickly soften. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”
She smiles, hopping down from the counter. “The stakes are as high as they get here, hon. Don’t apologize. Did you believe him, when he said he felt the same way you do?”
“Yes,” I say firmly. “There wasn’t even a small part of me that thought he was lying. I know he’s telling the truth. But that doesn’t make it any simpler. That makes it all the more complicated.”
“Because of your dad…”
“I tried to tell him last night,” I whisper. “When I came back from Aaron’s place. If this is going to be more than a single date – which it clearly freaking is – I thought I should get it over with. Rip off the Band-Aid and all that. But he was going over our bills, sorting through them all, and I just couldn’t stand the idea of making him even sadder.”
“He could’ve been as wealthy as Aaron,” Penny says. “He turned it down. And for what? For some vague principles.”
“Penny, come on, this is my dad we’re talking about.”
She sighs, shrugging. “I don’t want to upset you. But he’s being a little selfish here. It’s all about how he feels about money, how he feels about the economy. It’s like my uncle. We can’t even have a family dinner without him going off on some political rant.”
I want to tell her to shut up, but there’s some truth in her words, no matter how much it pains me to admit it.
“I’m sorry,” she says a moment later. “I guess it’s just secondhand outrage, you know.”
“Not really.”
“You didn’t have to be here.” She waves a hand at the restaurant. “You could be in college right now, studying creative writing, songwriting, music, where you belong. I know you could take out a loan, and if you decided to do that, I’d support you. But knowing that, in another life, you could be there with all your expenses paid…”
“I can’t think like that,” I say softly. “Dad made his decision.”
“When did Aaron’s band change guitarists?”
I swallow, understanding what she’s getting at. “Just after I was born.”
“So he had a newborn baby, a family to provide for, and he chose to follow his so-called ideals instead.”
“My dad is a good man. He’s worked his butt off for us for years. He’s provided.”
“I know. I’m not saying he’s a bad person. But when it comes to you and Aaron, I don’t think you should feel guilty. That’s all.”
I pick up the cleaning spray, making for the tables, as Penny’s words ricochet through my head.
Maybe both things can be true, I reflect as I begin to wipe down the tables.
My dad is a good man who has tried his best for our family, but he’s also being a little selfish here.
But even with all the indecision – and despite the fact I haven’t told dad yet – I’m counting down the seconds until I get to see Aaron again.
Last night, I woke up with a start, emerging from a dream that slipped away the moment I opened my eyes.
But I remember my reaction… to claw my hand across the sheets, to try and squeeze my hand down on his shoulder, to seek his comfort.
When my hand met with empty air instead, I sat up, running a hand across my sweaty forehead.
I regretted leaving him, regretted telling him I needed space, regretted – and still regret – every moment we spent apart.
Dad is at work as I get ready for mine and Aaron’s second date. There isn’t as much uncertainty as last time, no piles of clothes, no frantic pacing as I wonder if he’s going to laugh at my outfit.
After the way he claimed me last night, with his body heaving and throbbing, I find I don’t have to question if he’s attracted to me. I remember how firm he sounded when he told me no other man would ever get to touch me, how possessive and dominant and mine he reacted.
I put on a sparkly top and some jeans, leaving my wavy hair alone this time.
Aaron likes it that way.
Mom is sitting on the couch when I emerge from my bedroom. She’s got her legs folded, a magazine open on her lap.
“Another date?” she asks.
Despite knowing dad’s at work, I glance around the apartment, as if to confirm he’s not eavesdropping.
“Yeah. It’s… it’s gotten a little more intense, Mom.”
She places her magazine aside. “How so? Have you slept together?”
“Mom.”
“What do you mean by intense, then?”
“I don’t know. Just that we’re really into each other. Last night was awesome. And, for the record, we haven’t slept together yet. Before we crossed any lines, I thought I should tell dad.”