No way had she asked what I thought she’d just asked.
But her blue eyes pleaded. “Just one time,” she said in a small, almost uncertain voice. “That’s all I ask. And then I’ll never bother you with it again.”
My lips parted. “Just one...” I started to repeat before it struck me, damn it, she really had just asked me to fuck her.
Holy shit.
My system automatically went into hyper-alert, dick perking to attention, heart rate kicking into gear. My fingertips tingled, itching to touch, and my mouth watered, needing to taste. I swallowed down the urge to mount her right then and there.
“You...this isn’t...Jesus, Sarah. I’m just going to forget you said that, okay. It’s all right. No harm, no foul. We’ll just...we’ll pretend it didn’t happen.”
Grabbing our cleared but dirty plates, I shoved them haphazardly into the basket, not caring what kind of mess I had to be making inside Aspen’s favorite picnic carrier.
Sarah didn’t say anything the entire time I scurried to put everything away, and I mentally kicked myself in the nuts because I’d probably hurt her by my reaction. But fuck, it wasn’t as if I could really have sex with her, no matter how much I wanted to.
I didn’t dare look her way until I had everything cleaned up and ready to go, and when I did, her face was lowered with her hair covering her expression.
“Come on,” I murmured, touching her shoulder. “Let’s get you back to the truck.” But damn it, touching her felt electric. She was all soft, warm woman. I wanted to push her back down onto the blanket and just start stripping her.
She looked up, her eyes wide with pain. I cursed under my breath. Acid filled my stomach.
“Listen to me.” I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my forehead to hers. “You’re upset because of what that dick did to you. I get it. And that is perfectly understandable. But—”
“No.” She shoved away from me and glared.
My gaze searched hers, but she only ended up glancing away.
“Let’s just go,” she said, her voice tired and beaten.
I sighed but helped her climb onto my back. Her curves pressed into my spine, making it more difficult for me to walk because of the hard-on hogging my jean space.
We didn’t speak all the way back to my truck. I left her for a few minutes to retrieve the blanket and basket, but she was still silent when I climbed behind the wheel and started the engine.
We’d just left the campus and started down the road that headed to her house when she said, “Okay, fine. Yes, I hate what Seth did; it made me feel stupid and small and completely undesirable. But it didn’t stop me from wanting to experience life. If anything, my disaster with him has only shown me how much I need someone I trust unreservedly to walk me through it. Not just any guy will do. And you’re the only person I trust enough to ask.”
“Damn it,” I hissed, tightening my grip on the steering wheel.
“If the idea of penetration bothers you, then we can stick with strictly oral,” she added.
And fuck, just hearing her say penetration and oral had me so hard it wasn’t even funny.
“Sarah, don’t. Just...stop right there. You don’t know what you’re asking.”
She scowled. “I’m asking you to have sex with me. Once.”
I closed my eyes and groaned. “No. You’re asking me to destroy our friendship.”
With an irritated bark of laughter, she demanded, “How would it destroy our friendship? I’m not asking you to date me. I’m not even asking for you not to sleep with other people, because I just want one time, one experience to check off my bucket list. And then we can go on as if it never happened.”
As if it never happened, huh? Right. Just fuck the girl of my dreams, the person I loved above all others, and then carry on and forget about it.
What the fuck ever.
“Well, excuse me,” I gritted out, “if I don’t feel like playing your fucking stud horse for rent!” I turned down her street. “You can’t just borrow my dick for a few hours for no other reason than you want to know what it feels like inside you. I’m your best fucking friend on earth. I don’t think I deserve to be used like that.”
Sucking in a breath, Sarah hugged herself. “I..I...you know I didn’t mean it that way.” But I was too mad to answer, so she shuddered out the lungful she’d just inhaled and turned to look out her window.
I probably should’ve apologized, but...what the hell? I’d been crazy about this girl for half my life, and she only wanted to bang me one time for curiosity’s sake? Fuck that. Why didn’t she just rip out my heart and spit on it while she was at it?