And I’m not okay with that.
At all.
Farris knows not to kiss me. I told him on our first date it’s one line I won’t cross until I’m married. He didn’t understand it at first, but I let him kiss me anywhere but the lips. Not that he hasn’t tried multiple times, even after I’ve asked him repeatedly not to.
His hands roam my body as he undoes my dress. I’m not really with it right now—my mind is elsewhere, and I can’t seem to come back to this moment.
“Love.” That’s his nickname for me. Farris’s lips are skating over me once my dress has dropped. Farris isn’t a bad lover, but he isn’t…
No, I also choose not to compare, but it’s hard when I can still smell Lucas lingering on my skin where he touched me. It burns with a passion I’m fully aware of and became accustomed to all that time ago.
And I have no one to tell.
Not only is he allowed never to see me, it could get him killed. Yet, Lucas went out of his way to find me again.
He should have walked away.
He should never come back.
He’s done it before, so why not now?
It can’t be that hard, can it?
Farris pushes me back onto the bed, and he’s fast with removing his clothes. His eyes skim over my body with appreciation. It’s one of the reasons I stay with him—he makes me feel appreciated.
But is that a lie as well?
If he doesn’t know the real me?
It’s not that I don’t want to tell him. It’s that I just can’t.
No matter how hard I try.
Farris leans down over me, and I spread my legs to accommodate him as he positions himself. I wouldn’t say he’s my worst lover, but he isn’t my best by a long shot, either.
Lucas holds that title.
Lucas will forever hold that title.
Though, I will never tell him that.
“Love,” he says as he wets his two fingers and puts them between us. He brings them to my entrance then plays with my clit, trying to get me ready.
It’s a pity my mind is elsewhere.
“Farris.”
“Hmmm,” he says, hovering over me.
“Degrade me,” I tell him, and his eyes pinch together as his hand pauses.
“What?”
“Degrade me. Tell me what a bad girl I am.”
He smirks as if he likes this game.
I need something other than what we have.