“I don’t want to call the baby an ‘it.’ That feels wrong.”
Sweet laughter finally flows past her stubborn lips. “Oh my God.” She curls her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. “You’re really excited about this?” She rests her head on my shoulder and nuzzles against me. Damn, it feels good to finally have melted her resistance.
“Excited. Happy. All the good feelings,” I assure her. She doesn’t look any different. Her stomach’s still flat but I can’t help touching her anyway. “I can’t wait until you’re showing.”
“Really? You won’t think I’m all fat and gross?”
“What?” My face twists with confusion. “Are you out of your mind? Don’t say shit like that.”
Her cheeks turn red, and she glances away.
“I’m serious. I’ve heard someone women worry about that kind of stuff. But I think you’re beautiful no matter what. And I’m looking forward to seeing you fat with my baby.”
Her nose wrinkles.
“I’m a crude fucker, I know. Stop acting surprised.”
She leans in. “I like that side of you.”
“Good.”
“Do you want something to drink?”
“I don’t know. Is Emily going to shoot me if I step foot in her kitchen?”
“Probably not.” She grins and pops another kiss on my cheek. Can’t get enough of them. “I’ll be right back.”
Serena
In the kitchen, I find Emily staring into the freezer.
“What are you doing?”
“I was melting from your talk and needed to cool off,” Emily whispers.
I let out a soft laugh. No surprise she overheard us.
She slams the freezer door shut. “Your man is an extremely rare breed, Serena.” While it sounds like a compliment, the catch in her voice makes it seem like she still has reservations.
“He is. And I feel bad that I can’t seem to let go of all my past issues.”
“It’s going to take time, honey.” She gives me a sympathetic smile. “And it sounds like he’s a patient man who understands.”
“Don’t worry.” I reach for her hand. “I plan to stay here with you guys…if that’s still all right with you?” She seemed pretty bothered by the motorcycle club thing, so I won’t be surprised if she’s not comfortable having me here now.
“Of course it is. As long as you want.” She squeezes my arm. “Hey, I mean that, okay? Don’t rush into anything because you feel pressured.”
“I won’t,” I promise.
I return to the living room and find Gray standing. “I actually need to get going, sweetheart,” he says.
“Oh.” I set the glasses on the coffee table. “Okay.”
“You need to make a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”
I bristle at his stern tone. “I know that.”
His mouth pulls at one corner but otherwise doesn’t respond to my sharp answer. “I want to go with you, so let me know when it is.”
“What? Why?” Shadow had wanted to go to the doctor with me too. So he could badger the doctor about a paternity test. My body trembles at the reminder of that cold humiliation. The looks of pity from the doctor. I was so mortified, I couldn’t go back to that office. I had to find a new doctor. And then…it didn’t matter anyway.
He freezes in place. “Don’t fathers go to doctor’s appointments sometimes?”
“I guess.” I shrug, trying to reel in my defensiveness. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t want you to go alone.”
“Why?”
Frustration twists his face. “Because I’m worried about you and want to make sure you and the baby are okay.”
“I’m not lying.”
“What?” He frowns. “I never said anything about lying.”
“It’s yours.” I resist the urge to glance away. “The baby is yours.”
He stares at me in confusion. “I never thought otherwise.”
“I just…you know…in case…because…” I stammer out a bunch of sentence starters but never get out a full thought.
We’re not making progress. I want to be happy that he’s offering to take me to the doctor, but too many past memories make anything but fear impossible. “I’ll call you when I have an appointment.”
“Can we get together tomorrow?”
“Ah, sure.”
“Let me take you to dinner.” His tone drops to something soothing, like you’d use to capture an injured animal. I guess in some ways that’s exactly what I am.
“Do you need help cleaning out your apartment?” he asks.
“Emily and Libby were going to come over and help me pack. I’m going to put some stuff in storage. And try to sell some other things online.”
“Why don’t you let me take care of moving stuff to storage.” While he phrased it like a question, it sounds more like it’s a done deal in his head. “And if you sell stuff online, don’t have anyone come to the apartment unless I’m there.”
It’s useless to argue that Emily will be with me. “I won’t.”
“Do you have everything you need here?”
I point to the ceiling. “I’m in the guest room. There’s another spare room, Emily said I can use it as a nursery…” Hurt flashes in his eyes and my voice falters. “When the baby comes,” I finish in a whisper.