Brian shook as his mind fought to comprehend how to accept oxygen. He clenched his fist and his pupils jumped wildly behind his lids. He pictured Sway’s face, pictured his gentle touch. His brother held him steady, continuously counting his breaths.
“Shit. He’s turning blue.” Dana’s voice was controlled but Brian heard the fear and concern. “I’m calling an ambulance.”
“No!” Ford barked at his lover. “He can do this.” Ford gripped Brian by his coat and dragged him forward. “Come on, Brian. Focus, dammit.”
Brian felt the edges of his world dimming. Sway’s voice filtered through his fear. ‘Everything about you calls to me. Your strength.’
“Breathe. One, two, three.”
Sway.
“That’s it. Again.” Ford sounded like a drill sergeant. “Breathe. One, two—”
Sway.
Brian’s next breath was a little clearer than the last and his world began to tilt upright.
“Good. Again.”
Brian slowly opened his wet eyes, his brother’s face not as hazy as it was. His heart rate slowed as he clutched his big brother’s shoulders. They’d always held him steady in the past, he trusted they would now. Brian climbed out of the truck, with his brother’s help, and gulped more fresh air. After a few minutes, Ford stopped Brian’s clipped pacing and watched him expectantly. Brian just noticed the other cars blaring past them while they stood on the side of the road. When he turned, Ford shook his head sadly at him. His brother wanted an explanation but Brian couldn’t give him one.
“Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? What do you keep panicking about?” Ford asked gruffly. “Maybe I can help you. You used to ask for my advice.”
Brian squeezed Ford’s shoulder, trying to reassure him. But, he wouldn’t tell him that he was terrified of losing his boyfriend. Terrified of losing the first real connection he’d made with a man since he’d returned home. Brian was petrified of losing the only man in the world who understood what he had to say. Brian moved towards the truck and nodded for his brother to get in the driver’s seat. Ford looked just as disappointed as Sway had when he’d left this morning. He was fucking up again. Dammit! Brian slammed the door so hard Dana jumped a mile high. Ford spun and shot him a scowl. Brian turned away until Ford put the truck in gear.
As they drove back to the hotel to speak with the room service associate, Brian stared out of the window and organized his jumbled thoughts. He and Colton had already discussed this. The panic attacks, the flashbangers and flashbacks were all results of him trying to control something that he had no control over. The future. He couldn’t keep panicking about what was going to happen down the road. With his voice, with his relationship, with his job. He’d learned to live in the now. He needed to get one thing clear with Sway before he got too far gone in his heart for him. Was a future with him contingent upon him talking again? Surely Sway would immediately and without hesitation say ‘no! Absolutely not’, but if Brian was in front of him when he asked it… he’d see clear through any deceit. Like a damn human polygraph.
With a plan set, his head didn’t thrum quite so hard.
Ford pulled around to the service entrance for the restaurant and parked beside Duke’s F350 pickup. Duke was still inside probably listening to E Street Radio while Quick was leaning against the tailgate, talking on his cell. Obviously, they’d beaten them there since they’d had to make an impromptu stop. Brian got out of the car before his brother or Dana could turn and ask him if he was still up for this. He was running front man on the recovery, since it was his plan. Of course he was up for it. Brian would always do his job.
Walking up to his bosses, Brian gave them a quick nod. Quick pointed to the ankle, then gave him a thumbs up. Brian nodded again. Yeah, he was healthy and ready to work. Anything to not think of the difficult conversation he was about to have with his boyfriend after this.
Brian waited until Ford was beside him before he began to sign, “I text the Chef. They’re waiting for us.”
They headed to the service entrance of LaRoy’s. Brian banged a couple of times on the steel door, then pushed the buzzer beside the knob. After a few seconds Brian raised his hand and got in one more knock when the door swung open and the handsome chef stood there gaping at them as if they were crazy.
“Jesus. You knock like bounty hunters.” The chef waved for all of them to come in. “I heard you the first time.”
The chef led them through the large, state of the art kitchen. The few employees there prepping food, watched them curiously as they traipsed through their immaculate work space in steel-toe boots and well-worn leather. They followed Chef John into the dining room, since his office was too small to accommodate all of them. He moved through his establishment with confidence and poise, which wasn’t easy for a man of his size walking with five giants on his heels. John pointed to a set of tables that weren’t covered with sparkling white linen and the chairs pushed to the side. They didn’t need to sit. This wasn’t a conference. It was more like a powwow.