“Thank you, Reese,” I said, my voice soft. “I just love that little guy. More than life itself.”
“I know you do, Maya. And I love him too.”
I stared into his eyes and knew he meant it. He meant every word he was saying.
He continued, “And I think I may be falling in love with you too.”
My heart stopped. Everything stopped. It was like time was standing still as I looked at Reese, trying to figure out if I'd heard him correctly. No way. No way did I hear him right.
“What?” I finally asked, shaking my head as if trying to wake myself from a dream. “I missed that. What did you say?”
“I said I think I'm falling in love with you too,” he said, speaking louder this time. He looked so sure of himself, as if he'd known for a while now, but it was a surprise to me. “Seeing you with Eli, watching you with our son, it made me see what an amazing woman you are. So, strong, so loving, so beautiful... I just can't –”
Before he could say another word, I kissed him – which surprised us both. His lips felt as nice as they had all those years before, and when his tongue pushed past my lips and into my mouth, it took my breath away – just like it had before.
As hard as it was, I pulled away.
“Stop,” I said, putting my hand on his chest to keep us apart. “We can't do this.”
“You're the one who kissed me,” he said with a smile.
“I know, I'm mainly talking to myself right now.”
Deep breaths, Maya. Deep breaths. I had to step away. I couldn't let my childhood crush get the better of me, not when there was a child in the middle of all this. Reese reached out and stroked my cheek, and I so badly wanted to lean into that touch, but I stayed strong.
“We can't do this, Reese,” I said again. “You, me, it's not going to work.”
“And why not? I mean, we already have a kid together, why can't you and I be together like that? For real?”
“For real? As in girlfriend and boyfriend?” I scoffed. “Because what happens if we break up? What happens if things go south? Right now, we have a nice arrangement that works. We're civil, we get along well enough, we don't hate each other's guts, but what happens if we do this and then it doesn't work out –”
“But what if it does, Maya?” Reese asked. “What if it works out and we get married, and Eli gets the family he deserves?”
“Get married?” I almost couldn't believe I was hearing this from his mouth. I stood up from the couch and paced the room, trying to collect my thoughts – which was a lot like herding cats at that point. “Whoa, I can't even believe you're talking like this. Not that I oppose the idea, in the future of course, but just because we have a kid together doesn't mean we'll make a happy family. That's not how this works, Reese. It's not that simple.”
“And why can't it be?” Reese stood up as well, walking over, putting his hands on my shoulders and stopping me from pacing the room once more.
“Because – well, because –”
“Because – I'm me? Because I'm a loser like your brother?”
“No, that's not what I meant! You're nothing like him. You're –” I stammered, trying to find the words.
“I'm what, Maya?” Reese asked, raising his voice.
“You're better than him. You've always been better than him. It's just – I don't want you to be with me just for Eli. Or because you think you're doing the right thing and feel obligated. We don't have to force anything, Reese.”
“I'm not forcing anything, Maya. I care about you; I think you're amazing and I want to make this work. I mean it.”
Reese was still holding onto my arm, but he loosened his grip. I could walk away if I wanted to. I could tell him to get lost if I wanted to. But I wanted neither of those things. Truth be told, what I wanted in that moment was him. It was stupid and selfish and childish, but I wanted to be with him again. This time, for real.
After several moments of silence, I looked into his eyes and say the truth in his words. It put cracks in the walls of my fear and insecurity. And those cracks in my walls finally let me speak.
“I want that too,” I said softly. “I do.”
“Then let's do it, Maya. Let's try it,” Reese said. “Let's make this work.”
He pulled me into him and held me close, my head resting on his chest. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head as he spoke.