back into his arms. “I think Luke likes you anyway. He told me.”
“He did not!” Judging by Katherine’s shrieking reaction, one that seems to get the attention of everyone in the carriage, this might well be good news. Either that or terrible, I’m not sure yet. “He didn’t say that.”
“Well, not that exactly. Like word for word, but close enough.” I offer her a one shouldered shrug. “He just asked me when you’re going to finish with that idiot Bear because other people like you too.”
I watch her face go through a range of colors as she digests this information. It’s hit her like a ton of bricks, I can see. I like Luke, I would much rather her be in his arms than anyone else’s. My life might be a mess at the moment and getting it back on track might not be the easiest thing in the world, but I want my friend to be happy. Maybe if she can hold it all together then I’ll have something substantial to aim for.
Before I can say anything else about this, I feel a deep pull somewhere in my chest. It’s coming from the other side of the train and it’s so strong it actually drags my eyes away from my friend as if I have no control over my body. I snap towards the gentleman who’s curiously looking at me as if he wants something from me. As I swim in the hazel color of his eyes and I examine his strong cheek bones and his nice smile, I want to give it to him… whatever it may be. He’s the classic case of tall, dark, and incredibly handsome, he actually makes me feel a powerful shock. It ignites something inside of me that I didn’t even know was still there.
“Katherine,” I say to my friend out the corner of my mouth to be discrete. “A guy is looking at me.”
In a very indiscrete manner, she whips around and gasps. “Oh, wow, he’s a hottie. Smile at him.”
I do as she commands, enjoying the delicious sensation that swims right through me when he smiles back. His grin is gorgeous, it causes a fluttering right at the bottom of my belly, towards my core.
“Wave at him.” This command I don’t follow. “Get him to come over here. You could use a date.”
She’s right, I know she is, but being in the soul destroying relationship with Pete where he sucked all the fun out of me, has affected me deeply and I need to get over it. I’m over him, but not the after effects.
“He’s coming.” I can see him taking purposeful strides toward me. “Oh my God, what do I do?”
“Just be cute… be you.” Katherine seems to think this through. “But not too much you, you know?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the hell is wrong with me?”
But I don’t need her to answer that, I already know. The whole ‘first impressions’ thing. I don’t know what it is but as soon as I’m around a new person I turn into a freak. I don’t know how to act like a person anymore. This is why it took me so long to leave Pete, even though he made me miserable. This is why I didn’t want to leave my shelf stacking job even though I hated it, this is why I never make new friends. I’m set in my ways because I have to be. I can’t invite new people in because I’m too much of a mess to meet new people.
He opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something. I lean forward, resting on my elbows as I hungrily drink his words in. I might not like new people, but for this guy I’ll try and make an exception as long as I don’t fuck it up. But then the train guy makes an announcement just as the vehicle comes to a rapid stop.
“Argh, shit!” I cry while leaping upright as an ice cold sensation splashes across me. “What the hell?”
With disappointment, I stare slowly down at my blouse, a gutting feeling flooding me as I see the mess I’ve become. From the smell of it, cold coffee has been spilled across me right before my first ever interview for an actual adult job. I don’t know if I much want the office job, but I have to do something. My savings won’t last forever and I need some sort of half decent job to pay my way. I’m not going to get it like this.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” The hot guy bumbles towards me with his hands outstretched as if he’s going to cup my breasts or something. “I didn’t mean… the train just stopped… it was an accident!”
“An accident?” I scream back. “You’ve ruined me.” An undeserved anger bursts from me but I can’t seem to help it. “I’m on my way to a job interview and now look. Those fucking assholes aren’t going to want me to work for them now, are they? Look at the state of me. I’m as messy on the outside as I am inside.”
Now everyone’s probably looking at me but I can’t help it. All the frustrations I’ve tried to push down ever since I left my certain life with Pete into the unknown abyss coming flooding to the surface.
“I’ve now got no boyfriend, I’m about to lose my freaking job before I even get it, which means I won’t have my apartment too. Do you know what that’s like?” I run my eyes up and down him making snap judgements based on his appearance. “No, probably not. I bet you have a comfortable life with a cushy job. I’m sure you can afford the nice food from the supermarket and the wine that isn’t from the bargain bin.”
“I…” He starts to defend himself, but I just don’t want to hear it. Rage burns brightly, forcing me to snap at him like a crocodile showing off my fangs, trying to let the prey know that I’m coming for him.
“No, you have no fucking clue about my life.” To my annoyance, tears fill my eyes. “I’m so mad at you right now. I don’t even know you and you’ve ruined me. To think I just thought you were cute.”
“Okay, Tamara.” Katherine rests her hands on my shoulders. “This is our stop now, we need to get off.”
I don’t want to go, I don’t feel like I’m finished with this man yet. I want to lay into him more, to really tear him a new one, but I suppose that can only head one way and I don’t want to add jail onto the list of bullshit things that have happened to me recently. I have to be the bigger person and walk away even if it kills me.
Katherine keeps tugging at my arm until I fall off the train. Once I’m standing on the platform she gives me a side eyes look. “Well, talking about first impressions that has to be one of your finest!”
“That idiot spilled coffee on me and he didn’t even feel bad about it.”
“He looks like he felt bad to me.”
I sneer at her. “Oh, give it a rest. Don’t stick up for him, you’re supposed to be my friend.”
“I am your friend.” She shakes her head, giving up. “Come on, let’s go and switch tops. You can borrow mine. It might not be as smart as yours but at least it isn’t covered in coffee. Then, we need to get you through this interview. Nailing this and getting the job is he first day of the rest of your life.”