I went to work early the following morning and stayed through the afternoon. Stella told me that I looked happy when I came back and told her that I had a great time. I wasn’t even as eager to be in the office, not like I thought I would be with the knowledge that Caroline was at home.
Today, she poked her head in when it was time to go home and raised an eyebrow at me. “What are you doing, boss?”
“Just finishing some stuff up,” I tried to sound casual despite the tapping of my feet under the desk. I was on edge and couldn’t get Caroline out of my head. I might not go home at all, knowing that the house was empty now.
“So, you went to a gorgeous place for the better part of a month just to come home to being a workaholic? Didn’t you learn anything?” She sounded mildly angry, and I glanced at her, seeing the concern in her eyes.
“It’s who I am, Stella.” I tapped on my keyboard to sound like I was working hard.
“You need a woman in your life, Perry,” she snapped before turning to leave as I dropped my hands on my desk.
I had a woman, and she was amazing. I made love to her every way that we could think of after I got to know her mind and soul. I was in love with her, and I sent her to find a life without me. I stared at my phone for a moment before picking it up. I dialed and leaned back in my chair, listening to the ringing until her voice mail picked up. “Hi, Caroline. I was just calling to see how things were going. Give me a call back,” I murmured before ending the call.
I went home at nine that night, drinking a bottle of whiskey in her room as I sat against the bed. It smelled like her sweet apple perfume, and I closed my eyes as I took another swig from the bottle.
I dragged myself into work the next morning with a hangover, drinking coffee to get through the day. When I got home at ten, I walked into the house and felt Caroline’s presence. I looked into the kitchen and then walked up to her room to see her staring into her closet. “Hi,” I said as she kept staring forward. “How did it go?”
“I got the job,” she replied as she pulled out an armload of shirts. “They got me a condo, and I am going to drive there tomorrow and get settled. They need to fill the position soon, and I don’t have anything to hold me here.”
“You don’t?” I asked as she moved to the bed and folded the shirts into a big suitcase with a fixed expression on her face. There was a part of me that hoped she’d come home and tell me that she wanted a future with me that formed in my head during those lonely nights at work.
“I went to college to get my dream job, Perry. You can finally be on your own and start your life. You deserve to have something more,” Caroline told me as I tilted my head. She sounded robotic, and I stepped into the room.
“More than what? More than what we had on the islands?” My voice rose in anger as she blinked at me. There was a pain in her eyes before she looked away.
“I don’t want you, Perry. I want this job and my house on the beach.” I stared at her in a stunned silence for a long moment before I turned to leave the room. I got back into my car and headed to a bar, my emotions reeling at her claim as I tossed back a few shots.
I couldn’t believe that she was moving away. I couldn’t believe that she chose the job over us, something that we hadn’t discussed since the morning that we left the resort. I ordered another shot, feeling my vision blur as the numbness set in.
I went home with a brunette that night, trying to fuck Caroline out of my system a few ways. I woke up the following morning with a stranger whose name I didn’t remember, stumbling out of the front door after I called for a cab. I had him take me back to the bar, hopping in my SUV to head home as my heart sank. Had I fucked up by leaving? Would Caroline be gone?
I pulled through the gate, into the driveway and pushed the garage door button as I stared forward. It was empty, and I blinked for a moment before pulling forward. Did she get any sleep at all before she left? Would she be all right? I came to a hard stop and hurried into the house, calling out her name. “Caroline? Are you here?” I ran up to her room to see the closet emptied as well as her bathroom before I walked into the hallway.
She was gone without saying goodbye. After all the years, we’d known each other, lived in the same house, I didn’t expect this. Maybe I did with what happened when we were on vacation, but when I looked back at all of it, Caroline seemed so happy. She appeared to be a woman in love every time that she looked at me, and I wondered if that scared her as much as it did me.
I convinced myself that she would call once she was settled, or that I would. I wasn’t going to let it go this easily since she was under my skin now. I’d find a way to work this out with Caroline and convince her that we were perfect together, but for now, she could have some space. I knew how empty the house was going to feel, but there was not going to be another woman here to keep my bed warm, at least not until I spoke to Caroline about what happened between us.
The first week, I worked a lot and let her have time to settle in. Everything felt empty when I returned home, and I didn’t even bother cooking too much anymore. I just grabbed food on the way home and worked it off in the gym before work in the morning. It became routine, but it didn’t make me happy. Nothing made me happy the way that she did, the women that used to tide me over not even getting my attention these days.
I started calling the week after I assumed she was moved in and on a schedule. I got her voice mail and left a message, sending her a text later when I hadn’t heard back. I did the same thing the following day with the same results and tossed and turned in bed as the worry set in. Caroline was a beautiful girl, and anything could happen, a fact that ate away at me as days went by without any response.
I checked the news in Santa Barbara once another two weeks had passed, reading about every crime that happened anywhere nearby. I knew that she spoke to a lot of firms, but I couldn’t remember the name of the one that she was working for. I was in too much shock that it happened so fast. I never thought that Caroline would be able to leave so easily, not after the bond we formed after her parents died. I was still in control of her money as far as I knew, so we had to talk sometime.
Within three months, I still hadn’t heard anything. I asked a friend who was a private investigator to find her for me, giving him the information needed. I just had to know that she was all right and stop keeping myself up at night worrying about all the possibilities. He came back with the name of her new company, Anagrama. I promptly researched them thoroughly, which I would have done anyway if she gave me half a chance, finding them to be one of the best in the world. I couldn’t fault her company, so I wondered what was going on as I read everything that he found out in the week that he’d taken.
She seemed to be doing well as far as Matt could tell. I didn’t ask for intimate details of her life since I didn’t think I could handle that yet. I found out that she lived in a condo near the beach that was in a complex owned by the firm, giving me the impression that she didn’t have a permanent home yet. I knew that she was alive and I let it rest with that for now, giving her this time to be stubborn before I went there myself.
I fucking missed her. I missed the mornings where we’d just talk, eat dinner together or just laugh. I didn’t know how much she meant to me until we got so close on the island and
left shortly after coming home. I knew that I loved her as something of a daughter, but it never clicked that I’d fall for her on a romantic level. It was more than sex, and I thought back to the nights that we spent together, trying to remember if I told her that. I hated that idea that she might think I was using her.
Once four months went by without any word from her and I knew that the holidays were in just a couple more months, I bought a plane ticket online. Caroline was going to know how I felt, whether she wanted to or not.
Chapter Eleven
Caroline
I eased out of my car and walked towards the beautiful glass building as I took a slow breath. Everything was perfect about Santa Barbara, including my job and the condo that I was still living in thanks to the firm. Everything apart from the fact that Perry wasn’t here. I worked extra hours when I wasn’t exhausted, coming to the unit to shower and cry myself to sleep almost every night.