A hot tear leaks out of my eye as hopelessness encases me. This is horrible, I never wanted to create any of this. I just wanted to be happy, I don’t know why that’s too much to ask. It isn’t fair.
“And you,” Brandon growls as he sees me. “You aren’t ever going to spend time with that idiot again, Leah. You can do much better than him.”
“Brandon, you don’t understand,” I wail, still needing to make my point. “I want him.”
He looms over me, and for one second, I fear that he might be about to take his temper out on me too. “No, Leah, you don’t want him. He’s horrible. No good for you. If you are going to insist on being with him and making all these terrible life choices then you need to go. You need to get out of here. Me and Mom cannot be a part of it any longer, it just isn’t right.”
I watch hopelessly as he goes inside, leaving me with nothing but heart ache. He’s right, I suppose, I can’t expect to live around my family if they don’t like what I’m doing. I was going anyway, but now I really have to leave. It kills me, but I can’t stick around any longer. It’s time to make my life my own.
Chapter Twenty Eight – Zane
I pace up and down my apartment furiously, anger racing through my veins. I cannot believe that just happened, I’m absolutely stunned to the core. I knew Brandon wasn’t going to like me and Leah but to say all those awful things about me was too damn much. I even let him do it, I didn’t complain despite everything, I let him say it and it still resulted in a fight. I’m angry and I’m hurt. I didn’t want to ever lose him.
Knock, knock.
My eyes snap up as I hear a soft knocking at my apartment door. My immediate thought is that it’s Brandon come to apologize, but then I remember the sheer fury in his gaze as he physically attacked me and I know that it won’t be. I really don’t think that we’ll ever be friends again. It’s gone too far now. Even when we used to argue occasionally in high school it never got violent. I don’t think there’s any turning back.
I swing open the door to see Leah standing in front of me, giving me sad, wide eyes. “I hope it’s okay that I’m here,” she questions me. “I don’t want to impose, I just want to see how you are.”
I sigh loudly, hating that it’s come to this. “I’m okay, just a bit gutted to be honest.”
She leans up onto her tiptoes and wipes some of the blood away from my nose. “You don’t look okay.”
As I step aside for her to come in, I notice that she’s got a large bag with her. “Are you here to stay?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t want to come here if I’m not welcome.”
“So, things didn’t go any better with your brother then? I thought that you would make up.”
“No, he really is pissed off.” Her eyes flicker towards the ground, sadness crosses her expression. “And after you left, Mom got involved as well. She finally came out of her room to yell at me. She told me that if I wanted to throw my life away then I needed to leave. She’s very angry at me right now.”
I reach out and wrap my arms around her. However hard this is for me, it’s worse for her. She’s losing the only family that she has over me and it sucks. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” I murmur, hating myself for pushing away the one really good thing that I have in my life. I don’t want to lose Leah, but I don’t want to make her life hard either. “Maybe we should separate while everyone calms down. Maybe…” I close my eyes, trying to stop the sadness from overwhelming me. “Maybe we shouldn’t be together at all.”
Leah shoves me roughly, forcing me off of her. “Are you actually kidding me?” she snaps. “Please tell me you’re joking! You aren’t going to throw us away when things are so damn good between us.”
“I don’t want to… I just want to make it easier. I don’t want you to lose everyone.”
“So, you would rather let other people dictate us? That’s what you’re saying. You’d rather listen to Brandon and my mother and split up because they aren’t happy? Yet, you’re happy to defy your parents to do what you want with your life.” She cocks her head in my direction. “Is that because you aren’t happy with me?”
“Oh no, it isn’t that at all! I’m really happy with you.” I hold out my hands to her but she refuses to take them so eventually I let them drop. “I just want it to be pleasant all round. I don’t want everyone to hate us.”
“Zane, I don’t think you get it,” she sounds angry now. I feel terrible because I don’t want to hurt her. I’m just going round and round in circles trying to do the right thing. “I love you. I want only you.”
Love… that word blows me away. I haven’t ever heard it before and I’ve never said it either. I wouldn’t until I know for certain that it’s the truth, but as I think about it the more I realize that I feel the same way.
“I don’t expect you to say it back,” she snaps as I’m silent for far too long. “I just want you to know how I feel. I want you to understand why I’m so serious about this and why I’m digging my heels in.”
She stands in front of me looking vulnerable, and I can hardly blame her. She’s just lay her heart on the line and I haven’t given anything back. Mostly because I’m too stunned for words. But now I need to man up and speak. I can’t lock my emotions down, I can’t be a closed box, I need to finally let it free.
“I love you too,” I insist. “I do, I really do. I think that I’ve loved you for years, actually. I just haven’t understood it enough to vocalize it,. It’s something that I should have said so much sooner.”
As we look at one another, I realize the truth of that. I should have. It shouldn’t have taken this horrible situation for
me to reveal my feelings. I’m gutted that the first time we’re saying the ‘L’ word is during all of this, when I have blood on my face because I’ve been fighting with her brother. This is all so wrong.
“I should have too,” Leah whispers. “I’ve been holding back for far too long, I’m sorry.”
I take a step, closing the gap between us and I hold her to my chest again. She rests her head against where my heart is, probably listening to how it’s pounding like crazy. This has officially been the craziest, up and down day that I’ve ever had. It started out so normally and it’s ended up with everyone knowing about us and us sharing our feelings of love. My head and heart are spinning like crazy, I barely even know what I’m doing anymore.