She hands me a stack of papers and I take it with a smile. I need to get my head back in the game, to think only of work. I’m not usually like this, all distracted, but then I don’t usually have morning meetings at a dating agency. Everything that I talked about with Hayley keeps playing on my mind.
“Thank you, Sandra, that’s brilliant. I appreciate it.” She hops from foot to foot, clearly not in any hurry to leave. “Is there anything else, Sandra? Only, I do need to get on…”
“I was wondering… and I totally understand if you say no, because I know that interns don’t usually do this sort of thing, we just do the odd jobs, but I was wondering if I could shadow another reporter while I’m here. Maybe even write something for the paper. Or the website, I don’t mind, and it doesn’t have to be anything big…”
I smile. I like her, she reminds me of me. I might be more reserved in most areas of my life, but work has always been the place where I’ve stepped out of my shell and gone for what I want. That’s how I managed to get so far so quickly. I wouldn’t ever squash the ambition of another person. Someone took a chance on me and I will always do the same thing. Nurturing talent is what I consider to be a part of my job.
“Sure, sounds good. I will see what Liam is writing this week. He could be a good one for you.”
“Oh, thank you so much.” She claps her hands together gleefully. “I appreciate it so much.”
“You’re welcome, Sandra. I want you to get as much as you can from this experience.”
As she skips off happily, I shake my head and demand that I get my head back in the game. I can’t be distracted any longer or I’ll end up working all weekend and I don’t want that. Jace has distracted me from many areas of my life, most of them really, I won’t let him take my career awa
y from me too. That came after him, it’s the only thing that I have which isn’t tainted by him, and I need to keep it.
“Focus, Addie… I mean Addison.” Fuck, it was always him that called me Addie. “Focus and forget about the dating thing. I doubt even Hayley will be able to find someone that I like anyway. Even for fun. If I can’t do it, then how the hell will she…?”
4
JACE
“T hat was another fucking epic show!” Andrew screams as he lifts his beer high. Gary and Jed join in, plus all the hangers that have stuck around after the show, so I feel compelled to do the same. “We are ace!”
Everyone cheers but it takes all the energy that I have to bring even a smile to my face. I keep trying to shake my numbness off, to get back to that place where things feel good and not just empty, but nothing seems to be working.
“That was our second to last show,” Jed reminds us. “One more and we’re done.”
There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s getting closer by the minute. Could that lead to happiness?
“Yeah, until Bill drags our ass back into the studio to record our next album,” Andrew laughs, dragging me into the pit of depression. “He’s relentless. Always thinking about what we’re going to do next.”
Yeah, Andrew is right. There is always something coming up. That’s why I feel so trapped because there isn’t a rest, a break, a chance to recoup and do anything for myself. I would love there to be a while where I could just be. Just work out what it is I really want from life. That’s what I could really use right now…
“What’s the matter with you, dick head?” Gary nudges me in the side. “You have a face like a slapped ass.”
“He always does at the moment,” Jed agrees. “He looks like he’s in fucking prison, not in the best fucking rock band on the planet. What the fuck is it, Jace? Why aren’t you enjoying yourself?”
“I’m just tired,” I bite back. “I’m gunna leave after this one…”
“Okay, I’m just gunna say it.” Andrew bangs his beer down on the table, letting drink spill everywhere. “You have turned into a wanker, Jace. You have a sour face all the time, you don’t have the same energy on stage anymore, your mood is dragging the rest of us down too. It’s hard work.”
I open my mouth, a million and one arguments about to burst free from my mouth, but they end up dying away. I don’t have anything to say, I am all those things, I do feel that way, I am behaving like that. And they’ve noticed it too. I wasn’t sure they would have, but they can see right through me.
“I need to go,” I murmur while pushing the drink away from me. “I can’t be here.”
“Oh, don’t go.” Jed reaches out to me but his hand only just scrapes my arm. “Don’t be like that, Andrew was just kidding, he didn’t quite mean it like it came out. We just want to talk to you…”
I shake my head, I can’t talk to any of them, we don’t have that kind of relationship, we never have. Plus, I can barely explain what the fuck is going on inside of me to myself, never mind anyone else.
I stalk off, I walk towards the exit without looking back at any of them. I can feel the thick hush behind me, all of their gaze’s prickle at the back of my neck, their confusion as I walk off. But I still go. I need to be away from all this chaos, all this noise, all these things that are irritating me. I can’t stand any of it…
“Oh, Jace!” As if the universe can sense that one more thing will tip me over the edge, a fan jumps on me and wraps herself around me. “I can’t believe that you’re here, I saw your show, it was amazing.”
“I, yeah.” I want to be a dick but I can’t. I can’t upset one of the people who have supported the band through our journey. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have any of the incredible things that I do. “Thanks.”
“Can I buy you a drink?” She doesn’t let go of me as if she’s afraid that I’ll run. I might, she’s right. “Or maybe you should buy me one since you are the rich and famous rock star.”