We head outside and hail a cab to take us to the airport. As we drive through the city, I’m so glad that I’m not going back home with my friend. I am going to miss Ivy, but at t
he same time, I wouldn’t want to leave this city for anything in the world. It’s my home now, I can just feel it’s where I belong. It has this warmth that nowhere else has ever had for me. It’s a shame that I have had to give up so much to make this happen, but it’s clearly the right thing to do. I tried everything else anyway, and none of it worked out. This will, I just know it.
“I can’t believe that I came on the flight with you, but I’m going back alone.” Ivy pouts up her bottom lip as we get out of the car to go inside the airport. “It’s so sad, but good for you of course.”
“You did this for me.” I nod and smile. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now, I wouldn’t be happy. So, I have to thank you for that. Plus, everything else that you have done for me. And know that you are always welcome. I am always up for you coming to visit.”
Ivy grins and we hug for a while, before I take her inside, and she checks her bag. I won’t be able to go through security with Ivy because I don’t have a boarding pass, so it means that I will have to say goodbye to her here.
“Sorry I made you come all the way with me, just to come here,” Ivy laughs but I can hear the sadness in her voice. I know how much she will miss me, the same as I will her, but this doesn’t end our friendship. This is just the pair of us, happy in our own lives. “I wish that you could come with me to wait for the plane.”
“Me too. But don’t worry, I wouldn’t have let you come alone. I need to say a proper goodbye.”
We hug again and cry a little, but I’m not sobbing with sadness. I’m crying with relief that I have finally found my place in the world. This is where I have been destined to come. My childhood instincts were right. New York has always been the place for me, I just had to find it.
Eventually, Ivy needs to go. She has to get through security to get to her flight, which is the moment that I am truly by myself for the very first time. Alone in New York and ready to get on with my new life…
I can’t believe how quickly I have got my website up and running. It shows what a bit of inspiration can do for me. I struggled with this in LA, I couldn’t imagine getting it working at all, but that just shows how New York is right for me. It’s bringing up so much excitement. I have even worked on my social media accounts, got them a lot more relevant to my venture, and incorporated a real New York theme to them.
Now, I need to do some research about the events that I can get involved in nearby, of which I can assume there will be hundreds. New York is wonderful for this sort of thing; it has one of the biggest fashion weeks in the world. Not right now, but it is the fashion capital of the United States, so it’s where I need to be.
I thought that I would be scared when Ivy left me, I thought that it might hit home hard and I wouldn’t be able to handle it, but that hasn’t happened at all. I feel better than ever.
I wander over to the window to take a little break and I smile as I take in the view. The bustling city surrounding me, reminding me that I am definitely not in my small hometown anymore. I’m not going to be known by the rest of the world here, I won’t be Darcy McNeill who got knocked up by the boy next door and got left behind in the process. Nor will I be the idiot fan girl who thinks that she can win Seth Bishop the movie star, from the beautiful Winter Basel. I will just be another anonymous face in the crowd that no one pays any attention to.
I cup my belly, flooding with love as I think about my child inside. I didn’t know what to do when I first saw that blue cross on the pregnancy test, I wasn’t sure what decision that I was going to make, but it didn’t take long for me to feel that intense, unconditional love for my child. No matter what else was going on around us, my baby was conceived with love and should be brought into the world. He or she deserves to live and be cared for by me. Somehow, I will do whatever I can to make sure that my child has the best life. I will make a success of my business, I will make plenty of money to ensure that we can have a comfortable life.
“We are going to do this,” I tell my child with a smile playing on my lips. “We are. It’s going to be amazing. I can’t tell you how I am going to make it happen yet, but I will. I’ll make sure of it. For you, I will do anything.”
A warm happiness flows through me as I walk around my new apartment, taking in every room. This place is tiny, nothing like the house in LA, nothing like my parent’s home, nothing like what I have been used to, but I love it. I love all of it. Because it’s mine, all mine. There isn’t anyone telling me what to do. I couldn’t be happier if I tried.
I almost want to call my father, to reassure him that I have finally found my place in the world, but I don’t yet have a cell phone. My old one is back at Ivy’s house. I didn’t even bother to pack it because I have enjoyed the peace and quiet so much. I don’t want it back either. I want a new one, with a new number to help me with my fresh start. I only want certain people, people who care about me and love me, to be able to contact me. I suppose other people can use my social media accounts if they want to, but I’m not exactly checking for personal messages or comments at the moment, I don’t want to hear what people have to say about me. I have had enough of that for a damn lifetime. The Internet hasn’t exactly been my friend, has it?
Still, that’s changing just as much as everything else. Everything is changing for the better.
Eventually, I force myself to go to bed. I’m not worried about climbing under my new sheets because it’s strange and I’m worried that I won’t sleep because of that, it’s more because I don’t know if I will be able to sleep at all because I have too much going on inside of my head, too much excitement for words.
It isn’t until I lay my head down that something unexpected comes into my head. Someone who I don’t really want to think about because I’m scared to go back to that dark place, but he explodes in my mind anyway. Seth, the man who I still love despite everything, the father of my child, the man who has moved on far too quickly for my liking.
I wish you were here; I think a little sadly, but definitely not as sad as I was back at home. It would be amazing if we were all together in this little family… but you have your own life and now I need to have mine as well.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Seth
February 5th
Listening to Sierra explain exactly why I am needed back in LA right now is driving me insane. She can give me all the reasons that she wants, she can try and guilt trip me or whatever, but it isn’t going to make any difference. I am here now, helping my father out, and this is where I need to be. He might keep telling me that he’s okay, but I can see that he’s still struggling underneath the surface… or perhaps it’s me that needs to be back here for a little while longer. Perhaps I’m the one who isn’t ready to go back there.
“I don’t think I am needed for the promo stuff,” I tell Sierra seriously. “I’m pretty sure that Winter can handle it alone. I know you think that it will look like we have fallen out, but we haven’t.”
“You kinda have though, don’t you think?” Sierra demands. “After the photographs leaked…”
“I don’t like the term ‘leaked’ because it wasn’t that. There wasn’t anything between us. It just looked like that.” I shake my head angrily. “Look, Sierra, I need a time out. I need to be with my father. I explained to you what happened with my mother and we need some time to heal as a family.”
“You just had some time off though, didn’t you? At Christmas time…”
“That was a couple of days. Honestly, Sierra, you need to understand that this is more important right now. My father needs me around, I can’t just leave him.”