“It doesn’t matter what I want. I have to do it.” A tear rolls down his cheek. “For her.”
“No. You’re wrong. Don’t you see? You’re not doing this for her, Haze. You’re doing it for you. Because you’re angry. Because you’re hurt. And you have every right to be. No one should ever have to go through what you went through. But you can’t change what happened to Desiree. You’ll never be able to. The one thing you can do is send him to jail for the rest of his miserable, pathetic life.”
He doesn’t reply, but his clenched jaw, the tears streaming down his face, they tell me I’m getting through to him.
“What do you expect to happen, huh? Once you’ve shot him? Do you think it’s going to make you feel better? Bring you peace? Do you think you’ll finally be able to breathe again?” I shake my head. “You won’t. It’ll feel good for a second. Then you’ll realize what you’ve done. Killing him won’t make you happy, Haze. But you know what it will make you?”
I pause.
“A murderer.”
Color spills from his face.
“You’ll go to jail. And you’ll never have the long and happy life Desiree wanted you to have. He already took her life. I’m begging you, please… please don’t let him take yours.”
He’s shaken up by my speech, but he fights it.
“Why do you even care?” Haze clenches his jaw. “You gave up on me, remember?” Pain emanates off every word.
“I care because I love you!” I blurt.
His lips part.
He blinks at me in shock.
A long, heavy silence ensues.
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. I love you, you idiot,” I repeat.
“Then why didn’t you show up that night?” he sounds so broken—so hurt—that it destroys me.
“I did show up!”
He frowns.
“I showed up, but you didn’t see me. I… I never got out of the cab.”
It takes a second for the information to sink in.
“It fucking killed me, you know that?” His voice cracks.
The ache in my chest spreads to my entire body.
If I’d just gotten out of that cab, we wouldn’t be here right now. He changed his ways for me. He was finally the man I wanted him to be. All he needed was for me to tell him we still stood a chance.
I sniffle. “I know, and I’m so sorry. I was just scared. So scared that if I opened up to you, you’d break my heart again, and I…” I’m full-on sobbing at this point, crying so hard it’s hard to speak. “I… I didn’t think I could survive you losing you a second time.”
His face softens, but he’s still so angry. At me, at Mike, the whole damn world. The words come out of their own will.
“Haze, I’m pregnant.”
He doesn’t react right away, completely baffled.
Like his brain is rebooting, he opens his mouth to speak, then closes it, then opens it again, all to no avail.
“What?” he whispers.