Of course I do.
I’d take him back in a heartbeat if he still wanted me. I’d gladly surrender my heart to him all over again if he just promised to change. It’s pathetic, so pathetic it makes my skin crawl, but it’s the truth. He said he still loves me. That he lied about the whole thing, and the only thought haunting my mind while I lie naked in the arms of the only guy I’ve ever loved is…
Please don’t let me wake up alone in the morning.
26
One Last Try
Most days, I don’t want to get out of bed. I wish I could sleep for a couple of years and wake up when the hard times are over. But today, for the first time in forever, I’m as excited as I am anxious to open my eyes. Just to see if he’s still here, next to me. My body tells my mind the truth before it sees it. My hand wanders to his side of the bed—the side where he’s not.
He left.
What feels like a sledgehammer swings at my heart. I honestly don’t know what the fuck I expected. He was drunk, horny, and he knew he could have me. He knew I still love him.
Goddamn it, Winter. You should’ve known.
We stayed up all night having sex, and I honestly thought he was coming home. It felt like the good old days. Before my father’s accident, before I found out he’d been lying. When I was oblivious and happy. I gave myself over to him completely. How could he?
Exhausted, I sneak out of bed, the icy temperature of hardwood floors matching my soul. I couldn’t fake a smile in a million years. As soon as I step into the kitchen, Waze edges his way toward me. I pet him, my mind blocking out the truth: Haze just wanted a hit it and quit it last night. I see Kendrick sitting at the table and hear the shower running. He and Allie probably came back early this morning.
“Look who it is.” His eyes are packed with judgment. “Had fun last night?”
Great.
“Let me guess, you know.” I slouch down on a chair.
“Yep. Saw Haze leaving when we got here this morning. He cheated on you—I’m surprised you would—”
“He didn’t.”
“What?” He blinks at me.
“He didn’t cheat on me. I overheard the girl I saw at his apartment talking at the party. He paid her to be there.”
He wrinkles his nose. “What the fuck?”
“That would be the right term.” I crack a bitter laugh.
“Did you confront him?”
“That I did. Then he showed up here, fed me some shitty love confession, got what he wanted, and left.”
Why am I telling him all this?
My words paint him a pretty clear picture. “He’s an asshole. I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault. It’s mine.”
“Why would it be your fault?”
“I wanted to believe him so bad that I…” Spare him the details. “I can’t ever let him play me again.” I pour myself a cup of coffee.
“You guys kept it in the bedroom, I hope,” Kendrick jokes.
“Well…” I conceal my smug expression with a sip.
His eyes flash with disgust. “Winter, I swear to God, if you tell me I’m eating on a table covered with your butts…”