My shoulders lower as I take in her message. I need to take her advice and be a little more social. It wasn’t hard going out with her at Duke because I knew I wouldn’t see Rowen or anyone from high school. No one would attach that night with me, so it was safe. But here, it isn’t. Everyone knows my business. Everyone knows I was the girl at Finger Lickin’ that got pistol-whipped and beat half to death. I was the girl whose boyfriend just left her like the dust after a sports car takes off, spinning wheels and all.
I look in the full-length mirror and scrunch up my nose at my appearance. My mom thought that a summer job at our local country club pool would be a great fit for me. It’s a spacious place, not so suffocating like my last job. I know my therapist backs her up on this. They think it’s better for me to be out in open atmosphere than to be cooped up in a place similar to the chicken restaurant. It may bring back flashbacks and all that crap, I get it. But at least at Finger Lickin’, I was in a sensible uniform. Here, I have to wear a one-piece, red bathing suit that cuts way too high on the hips. I spin around in the mirror and my face scrunches up even smaller when I take in my body. My butt is half hanging out of my suit. Who approved these uniforms? I grab the long work t-shirt and throw it on over my suit. Maybe I can get away with wearing this all day instead of my actual bathing suit; at least it comes down to my mid-thigh.
As I make my way downstairs, I see my mom and dad sitting in our open kitchen. I love the way our house is set up. You walk down the steps, and everything is so open. Wide open. The kitchen is to the right, and it’s huge. A big island sits in the middle and a wooden table sits along the windows in the dining room. Then to the left of the steps is our immense living room. It’s technically down on another level, as you have to take two steps to be greeted by the carpet, but it’s still to the point that you can see into the kitchen.
I meet both of my parents’ faces as I descend further down the stairs, and the concern that is etched on them makes my stomach dip.
“Are you ready for your first day?” my mom asks from atop her steaming coffee mug.
“I guess,” I say as I shrug my shoulders. I can sense that they’re worried. It’s almost as if I can smell it on them. I’m only worried that I’ll get stared at by everyone at the pool. I’m sure they’ll be whispering about what happened last year, a little kid will probably stare at my flawed face, and I’ll be reminded that I’m the girl that got robbed, all over again.
“If you’re having second thoughts, you can tell us… you know,” my dad peeks up from staring at my mom.
“I’m not having second thoughts. I’ll be fine, stop worrying.” I raise my eyebrows in their direction and grab my keys off the hook. The pool opens in approximately one hour, and I have to be there early to go over protocols and a little training. I already have my lifeguarding certificate, so I have no idea what other protocol we have to go over.
I give my parents both a kiss on the cheek and make my way outside. As I’m backing out of our driveway, I glance back at the massive dining room windows and my parents are standing there, holding hands, watching me in reverse. They really are the best parents in the world. Caring, comforting, never too smothering. I hate to think about what they went through when James made the call to them a year ago, on that dreadful rainy night.
When I woke up in the hospital, I was greeted by bright lights and beeping sounds. I was totally out of it, trying to pull out my IV a few times before my mom explained what happened. It all came back in flashes, but eventually I remembered everything. I was in the hospital for a week, and every single day, my mom laid beside me. She only left to take showers and grab food and then she was right there beside me with tired eyes. She made sure my pain was managed, that I was getting the best care possible and that I was emotionally okay. I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay. I had nightmares for months afterwards, and I would wake up screaming for Rowen… only for him to never be there. It was like I was falling into a bottomless abyss each time I woke up, remembering that he would never be there. He never came to visit me. The last time I came face-to-face with him was the night of the attack. The night he looked over at me, lying on the tiled floor in Finger Lickin’, with a remorseful glisten in his eyes. That was the last time our eyes met. For all I knew, he could still be at UNC.
UNC, that’s where he went to college. Or well, that was his plan before we stopped talking. I was going to Duke and he was going to UNC. We both got scholarships that we couldn’t turn down, so once we made our decisions we promised each other that we would do long-distance. We’d make it work. I remember the night perfectly, to a T. Both of us, sitting on my concrete porch steps. He had my hand in his lap and he was looking up at the glistening sky. The glimmer of the stars was our only light.
“We’ll make it work, Sadie. Because you… ” He took my hand and put it up to his warm lips, “You’re it for me. You are the love of my life.” I stared at his profile and fell even more in love. He was a beautiful human. Guys think it’s weird when they’re called beautiful, but Rowen, he was. Brown, golden hair. Perfectly sculpted face. He had one of those sly grins that made girls go weak in the knees. His eyes were a deep brown, with gold specks throughout. He was perfect, and he was mine. Until he left. He left, and he wasn’t mine anymore.
When I park my car in front of the vastly tall Country Club pool building, I take a deep breath. I’m a little nervous. I’m a little nervous because the last time I actually worked, I was assaulted. I was traumatized, and everything in my life changed. I’m not afraid I’ll get attacked again, but I am fearful I’ll have flashbacks, and those are almost worse than the actual attack itself.
As I climb out of the car, I’m met with the blistering sun. North Carolina is known for its beautiful weather, but the summers, they’re hot. I look to my left and I see the brightest green grass and a few older men. The club is basically full of a bunch of older men, who live for golf and who lavish themselves in expensive lunches with tiny portions. They hold functions here, weddings… and honestly, it’s just full of wealthy families who come to swim and judge others. My parents aren’t members. We definitely aren’t poor, but we aren’t rich enough or snobby enough to have a country club membership. I’m guessing they range more than a few thousand a year.
When I reach the door to the country club, I notice the trembling of my hand. I roll my eyes at my anxiety, knowing that this is an aftershock of the attack. I shake my head and straighten my shoulders as I turn the knob, only to be stunned when I find that it’s locked. I look around and I see no one. Maybe I’m not at the right place? As confusion sets in, another car pulls up and a tall, lanky guy climbs out. He has aviators on his face and he’s wearing a t-shirt that matches mine, although his is much more taut around his arms and chest, and it doesn’t come down to his thighs. He has on red board shirts and he’s swinging his lanyard around as he walks up to me.
“Hey, you Sadie?” he asks, removing his aviators. He’s cute, but I haven’t even given another guy a second thought since Rowen. Maybe that’s my problem.
“Yeah,” I say, but it comes out as a whisper.
“I’m Sash, your boss.” He shakes my hand and I wonder how he’s my boss because he looks close to my age. Weird having a boss your same age. I was expecting someone much older.
“Am I the only one here?” I ask, confused.
“Mmhm.” He unlocks the gate and ushers me inside. Only members have a key to the lock and if you’re not a member, you have to pay ten dollars at the front building to come swim. Seems expensive to me.
Sash still doesn’t answer me and I put two and two together. “My parents wanted me here early, didn’t they?” I knew they were being sketchy this morning. They wanted me here early to get acquainted with my new work space; I guarantee it.
Sash looks over with me and his blue irises hold a little guilt. “Yeah… ” I roll my eyes and my face feels hot.
“So, I’m assuming you know about my past work experience.” Great, just great. He briefly looks at my scar and then back at my face.
“Yeah, but don’t worry. I didn’t tell any of the other employees and I won’t tell them. Just let me know if you need a break or if something is bothering you, okay?” Sash says all this while I follow him throughout the pool area. He’s flicking on lights in the locker rooms and the concession, flipping over lawn chairs and opening umbrellas.
I feel a sense of kindness when he says this. He doesn’t seem bothered by it or like he’s afraid I’m going to blow up. He just offers stability, and it’s nice.
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine. My parents overreact a little.” I start to help him open umbrellas and I wipe off a few raindrops from the glass tabletops. Sash only nods his head at me, and we continue to open the rest of the pool with small talk until the other workers show up.
First comes another girl, named Morgan. She’s still in high school but she seems like she has a good head on her shoulders. She has long blondish-brown hair and she looks a little nerdy with her black-rimmed glasses. I decide right away that I like her because she doesn’t stare at my scar.
Soon after Morgan arrives, another girl comes. Her name is Hallie, and I assume she is in charge of the concessions because she’s wearing khaki shorts and a work polo. Both girls are nice enough, but I know we’re missing one more lifeguard since there’s three life
guard stands. Unless Sash is one, but from what I’ve gathered, he’s strictly the boss.
I look over at Morgan as she’s lathering sunscreen on her legs. “Hey, is there another lifeguard coming?”