At least I didn’t have to be strong around him. I could cry and weep and get all my feelings out in the open and then clear it all up before I came home to Mia.
She needed me and she needed me to be strong.
But right now, all I wanted was to be weak.
The bus ride to my not-so-hometown-anymore was awful. I was sweating because it didn’t seem that the air vents worked at all in the back of the bus. We’d made a zillion and one stops, making this four-hour drive more like six and a half hours.
I didn’t have my cell with me, since I no longer had one, and I couldn’t afford one until I at least got my first paycheck from the parlor, so this time, I was on my own. If I focused my eyes hard enough, though, I could see the tiny digital clock up front where the driver sat.
There was no way I would make it back in time for my shift if I had to ride this bus back to Uncle Timothy's, but I knew I wouldn’t have to. Dawson could take me back. It was a four-hour drive. My shift started at six. We could make it if we didn’t spend too much time at his house.
Finally, once the bus tires screeched and jolted us all forward, causing me to audibly groan, I shot up to my feet. My legs were wobbly from sitting for so long but for the first time in three weeks, I’d actually felt a tiny sliver of something. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was excitement, but maybe it was hope. Hope that seeing Dawson and being crushed in his arms would make me feel a little less empty.
It was probably a mile or two to Dawson’s house from the bus station, but thankfully it was right in the middle of town so I knew all the shortcuts to get to where I needed to go. I definitely wanted to dodge anyone and everyone who surely hadn’t forgotten my face in the last three weeks, because the only person I truly wanted to see…was Dawson.
I rounded the corner of the hardware store, glancing through the window for just a second, but something caught my eye, causing me to do a double-take. My stomach lurched and I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. It was so intense my hand shot up to rub my upper ribs underneath my skin.
There was a single piece of crisp, white paper with a black and white image of my parents on the front. I inched closer, my eyes locked on their happy faces, feeling myself gasp for air. There had been a memorial for them.
Last night.
In the park.
While my sister and I were four hours away, shut off from everyone and everything we’d ever known.
It had only been three weeks, but I felt like we were in a completely different world. Like the town of Oak Hill, Ohio no longer existed. Like the entire town was this tiny little blimp, floating away in the sky only to disappear and never return.
It hurt. It hurt me to know that this wasn’t my town anymore. It hurt me to know that my parents no longer lived here.
My feet swayed underneath me but I reached my hand out anyway, ripping the picture down off the glass. I folded it shakily and slid it in my jean pocket.
This was the only picture I had of my parents. Everything else had burned in the fire.
I shook my head out, trying to clear my thoughts and started to head towards Dawson.
If I could just get to Dawson, I’d be okay.
I’ll be okay. With Dawson, I’ll be okay.
I repeated the mantra in my head the entire way to his street. His house was only a block from mine but I made sure to steer clear of where my house once sat.
Maybe someday I’d come back and be able to face it. I’d be able to face the fact that someone else would use that ground and build their dream home, just like my parents did, but not today. I couldn’t do it today. I could barely breathe today.
My breaths were ragged as my feet propelled me down the sidewalk towards the two-story home that I’d spent my last night, in this town, at. I was so close to seeing Dawson that I thought I might combust. I got a glimpse of the old oak tree out front and it only made me move my feet faster.
I knew this was right. I just needed Dawson! I hope he’s home.
As soon as I peeked around the tree, moving my feet a little closer to his side of the street, my heart stopped beating. Everything around me crumbled like buildings shattering during an 9.9 earthquake.
Dawson had stepped out of his house, his long brown hair flying away from his face. I almost yelled out to him with desperation but when I saw someone step out from behind him, I wanted to just disappear.
I recognized her right away.
Her blonde hair was piled high on her head in a cute messy bun and her skirt was so short that I swore I could see her underwear. She squealed at something Dawson said and he nudged her with his shoulder.
The same shoulder he used to nudge me with, all the time.
My heart sank to my feet and my eyes instantly filled up as I watched them walk around the driveway so she could climb into her car. The stupid car she’d gotten from her stupid dad’s car dealership. The stupid dad that she still had.