Putting yourself out there on a dating site for others to judge was completely humiliating. She got the whole wanting to hide his face in the shadows and take even darker, grainer photos of his body. Even through the dark and low resolution, it looked fantastic. He had, like, an eight pack. The guy was solid muscle, though he was lean. His shoulders were broad and tapered to a narrow waist. His arms were well sculpted and though there wasn’t a picture of his legs, they were probably equally as fabulous. He wasn’t the typical jacked hunk that most women fell all over. No, he was tall and athletic and streamlined and absolutely gorgeous.
Ash clicked back to the first photo. Those eyes… they were mysterious, smoky, vulnerable. A little sad, but also hinted at a sense of humor, given the tiny lines bracketing them at the corners. His hair was gorgeous. She wondered what it would feel like to sweep her fingers through the silky strands. Was man hair as soft as a woman’s? Or softer? His looked softer. Oh my god. This is just sad.
Ash bit down hard on her bottom lip. There was no way a guy like him would respond to her. Although… the old cliché was true. She’d never know if she never tried.
She slid her finger on the trackpad, over the message button. She left it there for a moment, shaking, wavering, trembling. Her breath caught in her lungs as she turned into a sweating bundle of nerves. Messaging a guy online was no better than meeting one in person.
“God, I’m cursed to stay single for the rest of my life.” She glanced at Slappy. “Unless it counts that I have a hot old man sleeping at the foot of my bed right now?” He didn’t even crack an eye.
She didn’t know about being single, but she was cursed to go to her high school reunion and be the same dorky dweeb that people picked on. The one who the girls called Cinders or Charcoal and the ones the guys joked about having an Ash Bash with.
Not that that would ever happen. She couldn’t attract one man, let alone the attention of an orgy. Not even if she wanted to. Which she didn’t.
Thanks for the name, mom and dad. Mostly mom. It was her choice.
Ash shut her eyes. The thought of showing up, looking like a complete moron and getting picked on and teased again, was enough to give her strength. She couldn’t not go. She’d received the online invitation to the group and clicked accept in a moment of weakness. She’d already RSVP’d, in yet another moment where her senses fled altogether. She thought it might be fun. That it might be okay. That she’d like to reconnect with a few friends who weren’t on social media. That it would be good to see everyone again.
She had no idea what she was thinking and if she didn’t show, she didn’t want to think about the things people would say behind her back. Not showing would be admitting defeat. It would be like showing them they were right all along.
Ash was a lot of things, but she sure as hell never had backed down from a fight. Not then. Not now. Maybe if she had, she wouldn’t have got picked on so much. She wouldn’t have made an enemy of Sonja Wills. Now, it would be just plain embarrassing to not go. She knew she’d regret it for a long time if she was too afraid of what others said and did. She couldn’t let them dictate her future. Then they’d win.
Hot pinpricks burned the corners of her eyes. Before she could chicken out, she clicked on the message button and typed something quick and to the point. She hit SEND and before she even really had time to register what had happened, the message went through.
She was left staring at the confirmation screen, horror welling inside of her.
“Oh shit! What did I just do?” Of course, Slappy didn’t offer any answers. He was a cat. And a quiet one at that. She hadn’t heard him meow in ages.
She snapped her laptop shut, as though that could undo the message and make the whole thing better. Furious with herself, she threw the laptop onto the other side of the bed and drew the comforters up around her chin like she had when she was a kid and heard a creak or a weird noise in the house at night.
She was exhausted and sleep closed in quickly. Right before the blackness claimed her, she let herself breathe out a sigh of relief.
There wasn’t any real harm in sending the message. That guy, a guy who oddly enough reminded her of one of her comic book villain crushes- and why not like the bad guys when being bad, at least in movies and comics, was so much more kick ass than being good- that kind of guy, would never respond to a silly, desperate message.