This was his fault for forcing her to leave. His servants and tenants would despise him for evicting her. They would never forgive him. Just another thing to blame on him. The tenants and servants loved her. And with good reason; she took care of them far better than he had the past eight years.
Selina. With her curly, blond hair and emerald eyes.
He had to stop thinking about her.
If it wasn’t guilt he felt, then he thought about her physical attributes. Her full, pink lips that just begged to be kissed. Or her breasts that would just fit in his hands. There was something dreadfully wrong with him. He didn’t want her on his land.
But he wanted her in his bed.
He walked the length of the room again. Why wasn’t this brandy making him tired? Or easing his frustrations?
If not for the rain, he would have taken a walk. He walked to the terrace door and opened it. Rain continued to fall but not as hard as earlier. A figure with blond hair caught his eye. She paced the length of the reflecting pond. He blinked to make sure he wasn’t dreaming or worse, imagining a spirit again.
It had to be her. But what was she doing here? She should be ensconced in Mrs. Featherstone’s warm home tonight, not out in the cold rain.
He placed his glass on the table and headed out into the night. As he approached her, she looked up, shook her head, and then held up her hand as if to stop him.
“Please just let me have my one place to calm myself,” she all but shouted at him.
Taken aback by her frantic tone, he slowed his pace. “What is wrong, Miss White?”
“Just leave me alone,” she sobbed and then wiped at her face. “I should have prepared her for the possibility,” she mumbled. “I should have told her this might happen.”
Colin took a few steps closer, drawn to the pain he saw in her eyes. “What happened, Selina?”
Her lower lip trembled as she stared at the water. “She was a beautiful baby. Blond hair and blue eyes. Lifeless blue eyes,” she cried.
Mrs. Wells’s baby. “Were you here for the delivery?”
“Of course I was here.” Her sadness turned to anger, directed at him. “Did you think if you forced me to leave that I would give up my duties here? Did you think I wouldn’t run here and help the people I love?”
“I honestly never thought about it,” he whispered. The wind blew tendrils of blond hair over her face. Without a thought, he brushed them away.
“You can’t stop me from doing my duty to this land and the people who live here. I won’t stop. You’ll have to send me to prison because nothing else will stop me,” she shouted her frustrations at him.
But her words never reached his ears. All he saw was the pain in her eyes and he wanted to comfort her. Ease her troubles. Make her understand all his reasons for wanting her to leave.
He stepped closer and pulled her into his arms. Expecting she would push away, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. Her head landed on his chest and after a quick pound to his chest, she wept.
“Why?” she mumbled. “Why does God have to be so cruel sometimes?”
“I don’t know,” he said against her hair.
“It’s not fair. She’d had such an easy time of it. No morning sickness, no problems at all. Why didn’t the baby survive?”
“Shh,” he whispered, unable to think of a word to say that would comfort her. He closed his eyes only to relive his own anguish at the loss of his wife and child.
“I didn’t feel movement the last few times I saw her. I should have prepared her for the outcome.”
He had no idea what to say to her so he continued to hold her close.
“Why couldn’t I have saved her?” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
Unable to move for a long mom
ent, he just stared at her. She needed his comfort, his warmth, and God knew he needed the same from her. Slowly, he brought his lips to hers.
A gasp of shock was all he heard from her. He moved over her lips as desire crept over him. Waiting for her to push him away, he tentatively slid his tongue over her full lips. Her hands moved to his chest but instead of forcing him away, she wrapped her arms around his neck.