The man glanced at me. “I’m about to find out.”
“It doesn’t!” Paul exclaimed. “It doesn’t work at all!”
“You sure?”
“So sure! I’ve never been surer about anything in my life!”
“Not even about our wedding vows?” Vince asked, his brow furrowing.
“Wedding vows,” the man repeated. “You’re married? To him?” He looked incredulous, which was quite the feat, given the mask he wore. I wanted to ask him to do a Bane impression but didn’t know if that was polite. When one is in a leather bar, one needs to be careful when deciding if a patron is a Batman villain cosplayer.
“I am,” Paul said. “Like, so married.”
“But you’re a leather chub,” the man said. “And he’s… you know.”
“A homo jock?” I suggested helpfully.
“Right,” the man said. “How the hell did that happen?”
“I hit him with my car,” Paul said. “And never let him go after that.”
Bane left rather quickly.
It was about that time that I realized just how similar Darren and Vince could look, especially when they glowered. It was remarkable. I didn’t know why I hadn’t noticed it before.
“Am I catnip for the leather bears?” Paul asked, sounding awed. “Is that my superpower? To bring even the strongest men to their knees because they want to get all up on my junk?”
“There’s nothing wrong with being married to a homo jock,” Vince muttered.
Paul looked at him, and his face softened. “No, there’s not. It’s actually pretty damn great, if you ask me. It’s not—no. Not interested. I am with my husband, and I ask that you leave me be. You must resist the call of my body.”
The third man, who had appeared at our table as if by magic, turned around and walked away.
“We have to get out of here,” Vince blurted. “Before we’re overrun and I can’t fight them all off.” He tried shoving Paul toward the edge of the booth, but Paul didn’t move. He looked at me, and I narrowed my eyes at him, daring him to try.
He didn’t.
Paul rolled his eyes. “Now you know how I feel practically everywhere we go.”
Vince squinted at him. “What are you talking about?”
“You get hit on all the time,” Paul said. “Like, right in front of me. And even though you don’t ask for it, it still happens. They don’t even see me standing right next to you.”
“But I don’t do anything about it!”
“I know,” Paul said. “But it’s still frustrating. It’s like they can’t imagine someone like me being able to land someone like you.”
“I don’t understand,” Vince admitted. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re the best person I know.”
“Right,” Paul said softly. “But that jealousy you’re feeling right now? Even though it’s dumb, it’s still there. I get like that too.”
“Oh,” Vince said. “That’s… awful. I don’t like it. It makes me want to punch something.”
Paul snorted. “Well, you don’t need to worry about anything. Even though everyone here apparently wants my hot bod, they don’t have my last name.”
“I do!” Vince said excitedly. “I’m an Auster!”
“You are,” Paul said, suddenly aggressive. I needed to get out of here before I saw something that would warp my innocent mind. “You’re so an Auster.”