I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. And when I still didn’t move (I wasn’t sure how to make my legs do anything at the moment), he rolled his eyes, went to the other side of the booth, and sat down next to Paul.
By the time I could see the stage again, Jeremy and Helena were standing side by side. They each held a mic. Helena was pressed against him, as she was wont to do with any remotely attractive man in her immediate vicinity. I wondered if killing her would be like slaughtering a chicken. A lot of squawking and feathers going everywhere.
Helena laid her head on his shoulder as she brought the mic to her lips. “If I didn’t already have a ball and chain firmly attached, the things I would do to you.” She rubbed a hand over his chest and down to his stomach, the tips of her fingers pressed against his belt buckle.
“Sit down,” I heard Charlie hiss.
I turned to look at him, wondering who the hell he was talking to, when I saw he was talking to me. For some reason, I was now standing next to the booth, my hands curled into fists.
“What just happened?” I asked, eyes wide.
Darren tilted his head toward the ceiling. “Jesus fucking Christ. Please tell me I wasn’t like this.”
“Hate to say it, bro, but you were,” Vince said. “It was cute.” He frowned. “Well, the parts where you weren’t being an absolute dick about it.”
“Which was most of the time,” Paul said.
Darren glared at him. “I liked it more when you were scared of me.”
Paul patted his hand. “Yeah, those days are long gone, my friend. Sandy told me you brought him flowers a few weeks ago.”
Darren crossed his arms and looked grumpy. “Only because they were his favorite.”
I managed to sit back down of my own volition. Charlie wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. It probably looked sweet from the outside, but we all knew it was to keep me from committing a felony. I was already planning my defense. I would say I was in a fugue state and that I didn’t remember what happened. I would sell the shit out of it, and when I was found innocent, I would get my own Lifetime movie.
Helena Handbasket had peeled herself off Jeremy, and I told myself that it was because she knew I’d kick her ass. I almost believed it too, which certainly helped. And no, it wasn’t because I was filled with any feelings toward the object of her momentary affections, but because I wanted to make sure Jeremy was the center of attention, given that he looked really awesome in the spotlight, especially the area just underneath the belt buckle, which seemed to have a healthy bulge going on.
“Oh no,” I whispered. “I’m being creepy again.”
“Thank you, Helena,” Jeremy said, and he almost sounded like the man I’d last seen on Friday. Maybe there was a harder edge to his voice, and maybe it was a little deeper, but it was almost the same. “I appreciate you being here tonight.”
“Anything for you,” Helena said. “And I mean anything.”
“Bitch,” I muttered. “You best be backing off before I make a mess of your face.”
“What was that?” Charlie asked me, hand digging into my arm.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“And thanks go out to all of you,” Jeremy said, looking out at the crowd. “This last year I’ve spent as Mr. Leatherman has been one of the best of my life. This community has always welcomed me warmly, but I’ve met more of you in the last twelve months than in any of the years before, and I truly appreciate the support I’ve been given. It’s been a remarkable time for me and one I won’t soon forget.”
Everyone cheered.
The hard look on his face melted, and he grinned. It was the same smile I’d gotten used to, and my heart stumbled in my chest. “There is something wonderful about all of us being able to come together like this. Here it doesn’t matter what the color of your skin is or the shape you come in. It doesn’t matter if you’re an old daddy or someone just starting out. As long as you respect the community and all we stand for and show kindness, then you’re welcome here. We all have to start somewhere.” He glanced in our direction, and I swore our gazes locked. “And even if you’re just a tourist, someone who has never thought about coming here but did so anyway tonight to support me, I want you to know I see you. And I couldn’t be happier that you’re here.”
His smile softened. And for a brief moment, it was like we were the only two in the bar.
He looked away first. “But enough of that. We’re here tonight to designate a new Mr. Leatherman. Over the past couple of weeks, they’ve set out to prove themselves. And while every single one of them is worthy of the title, there can only be one. So let’s get on with it, shall we?”
IT WASN’T unlike a beauty pageant. There was some kind of complicated scoring system that Charlie tried to explain to us, but I could barely focus on his words, much less understand the intricacies of deciding a new Mr. Leatherman.
There were six men in the running, and I was pleasantly surprised when the title went to a black man who was bigger than Darren. Even better was how he had to wipe the tears from his eyes while still being stern and growly. People applauded loudly along with the other men on the stage. I thought Jeremy was going to hand over his sash, but Charlie said he got to keep it. One had been made especially for the new Mr. Leatherman, and he bowed his head to allow Jeremy to slide it over and onto his shoulder. Jeremy and Helena took a step back to give him the stage.
And just like that, it was over.
The crowd rushed forward, and they were surrounded almost immediately, people congratulating the new winner and shaking Jeremy’s hand.
Darren stood. “I should go see if Helena needs to be rescued.”