“He was busy,” I said faintly. “That’s what he said. That he was busy for the next couple of weeks and….” I shook my head. “I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to push.”
Charlie hesitated. Then, “I want you all to know something, and I want it to stay in this room. You understand me? I mean it. I already don’t like this much as it is, but I think it’s important.”
“Of course, Charlie,” Paul said. “We won’t say anything if you don’t want us to.”
“Good.” He took another sip of his beer. “Robert… he says….” Charlie sighed. “He says he thinks Jeremy is a little lonely. He’s got his friends, but Robert doesn’t think they’re very close.”
“The Super Gays,” I said. “He’s friends with some of the Super Gays.”
I thought Sandy was going into shock. “He’s Mr. Leatherman and a Super Gay? Oh my god, my supreme gayness is fading. How did I not know any of this?” He grabbed Darren’s hand and placed it against his forehead. “Do you feel it?” he whispered. “Do you feel it fading? It’s… getting… so dark.”
Darren jerked his hand away. “Oh Jesus. Nothing’s fading. You’re still the biggest queen in history.”
“And you love me.”
Darren muttered under his breath that he most certainly did.
“Robert’s not too fond of the Super Gays,” Charlie said. “He’s met a few of them, and he wasn’t impressed, though he didn’t say anything to Jeremy. And I don’t know if Jeremy fits with them like you think.”
“He’s a college professor,” Vince said. “How much can he possibly make from that to be considered a Super Gay?” He looked around. “No, seriously. I’m asking. I have no idea how much college professors make.”
“He’s got some friends in the leather community, but no one important to him,” Charlie said. “From what I gather, he’s quite popular. But there’s a difference between having admirers and having people you can actually talk to. Sandy, you would know that better than anyone. It’s a face you put on. It’s part of you, but it’s still a face.”
Sandy nodded. “It can be… overwhelming.” He glanced around the room at us. “Without you guys, I don’t know if I’d be able to do it.”
I was jostled a little when Darren reached over and wrapped an arm around Sandy’s shoulders, pulling him close. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he whispered as he kissed the side of Sandy’s head.
“I still don’t understand,” I admitted. I was slowly coming to realize that things were infinitely more complicated than I expected. And though I’d never admit it out loud, I now had all the proof I needed that it was best to get over this… thing I had for Jeremy. If what Charlie was saying was true (and I had no reason to think it wasn’t), Jeremy wouldn’t be interested in someone like me. He probably wanted someone just like him, someone who shared the lifestyle and the kink. I didn’t. And it was fine. Because it was only a crush. That was it.
I should have been relieved.
It hurt more than I expected.
“I think he could use some friends,” Charlie said, looking at me with an expression I couldn’t quite figure out. “And you kids are good at finding those who need that. You give them a place to belong.” His voice was gruff. “You make them feel like they have a home. My momma, she had this patchwork quilt. She got it at a church auction when I just a kid. She was real proud of it. She hung it on the wall. I loved it because it had all these little squares that didn’t seem to belong together, but when you looked at it as a whole, you could see it was just right. That’s what you all are to me. Funny little squares who make something wonderful.” He swallowed thickly. “Seems like it’s only right to share that with others if you can, you know?”
Shockingly, it was Darren who sniffled first. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered. “I knew there was a reason I shouldn’t have come over here.”
Sandy and Paul were wiping their eyes. Vince hugged Wheels close, much to his consternation. But since he was a dog, he forgot he was annoyed two seconds later and started licking Vince’s face. I didn’t blame him. Sometimes I wanted to do the same.
“Hell,” Sandy said, “what’s one more? I’ve always said our group could use a hot professor slash director of a LGBTQ community center slash leather god.”
“You did say that,” Paul said with a frown. “And I thought it was weird at the time because it was so oddly specific.”
“I have the sight like Nana,” Sandy replied. “It runs in the family.”
Darren turned to look at them. “But you’re not related to—”
“Darren,” Sandy said lightly. “Shut up.”
Darren did.
Sandy glanced down at me. “What do you think, baby doll?”
I shrugged awkwardly. “Seems like a group decision, right?”
Sandy wasn’t taking my shit. I knew this when he said, “I’m not taking your shit.”
I sighed. “It’s fine. I’m not—it’s fine.”