Leave it to Paul to cut to the heart of the matter with feelings and junk. “Yeah.”
“Is it?” Helena asked.
I shrugged. But they knew what I meant.
“And is it reciprocated?”
I shrugged again before nodding.
Helena sighed as she squeezed the back of my neck. “Of course it is. Because you’re you, and he would be the luckiest guy in the world.”
I sniffed as I lifted my head, looking up her. She loosened her arms and pulled back to cup my face, thumbs brushing against my wet cheeks. “This was just… dumb.”
Paul snorted from behind me. “That’s an understatement.”
“But he likes me. He says… he says it’s real for him.”
Paul sighed. “Dammit. Now I love him too.”
I needed them to understand. “And we haven’t… we’re not doing anything. Yet. Because of Phoenix House.”
“Just jerking off with each other and putting sex toys up your ass,” Helena said.
“Yeah. There is that.”
“When did it start?”
I looked away from them. “Nothing happened until the dinner with the Super Gays.”
“What?” Helena asked. “That recent? Shit. I thought it was going on all summer.”
I laughed hollowly. “I think it was building toward that. But he said….” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I just don’t want to fuck this up. And I think I did.”
“Nah,” Paul said. “It’s just going to be one of those stories. Like when Vince ran into my car.”
Helena smiled. “Or when Darren and I faked sex in order to convince people in the bar we were fucking.”
I groaned. “That makes things worse. I don’t want to be like you guys!”
She snorted inelegantly. “Too late, baby doll. You have your very own I can’t believe I just did that story. And Paul, you are a fucking liar. You hit Vince with your car, don’t even front.”
Paul threw up his hands. “I don’t even know why I try anymore.”
“It’s real, though?” Helena asked me.
I nodded.
“Maybe even a little more than that?”
I hesitated before nodding again. It was stunning to think about, how something could sneak up on me like that. But there it was. The idea that Jeremy could… that we could be something more—
“I can’t believe we’re talking about love stuff after Corey laid an egg,” Paul said. “Our lives are terrible.”
“Maybe,” Helena said. “But I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”
And because we couldn’t not, Paul and I hugged her as hard as we could.
She laughed as she wrapped her arms around us. “That’s the good stuff right there.”