She slapped me upside my head. For being such an old little thing, she had freakish strength. I thought she might have made a deal with the devil to be the strongest old lady to have ever existed. “If you spout any of that bullshit to me ever again, I will tan your hide, you hear me? You need to get over yourself and stop being a whiny little bitch. If he sees something in you that the rest of us have seen for years, then God almighty, you better be giving it as good as you get.”
“Ow,” I mumbled.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby. There’s too many other people in the world who want nothing more than to kick you when you’re down. Don’t you dare do that job for them.”
“You were talking to Sandy too, weren’t you?” I accused her.
“Of course I was,” she said. “He’s fa
mily. And if he didn’t tell me what was going on, I wouldn’t be hearing about it at all since you keep all this to yourself.”
I chewed on my thumbnail. “But what if he’s Freddie Prinze Junioring me?”
“I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about,” she snapped. “Maybe instead of making up words, you should focus on pleasing your man. Your old nana knows a thing or two about that, you can be sure.”
“There are times in my life I wish I didn’t understand English,” I told her. “Hearing you say that is one of those times.”
“Is he handsome?” she asked with a smirk.
I blushed, unable to stop myself. “Quite hideous, to be honest.”
“Uh-huh. That’s why you look like a tomato right now. I can’t wait to meet this young man if he’s got you all up in knots after only a few days. After all, you know what happened with your parents after a wee—”
“No chance in hell,” I said. “And I’d appreciate if that was never mentioned to him. Ever.”
“Wow. You were sure quick to protest that one.”
“Nana, you don’t understand. He’s already convinced that he’s halfway in lo—”
The doorbell rang, cutting me off.
“Oh sweat balls,” I moaned. “This will be the second I’ll remember later on as the moment before the shit hit the fan.”
“Language,” my father shouted from the kitchen.
“Go get the door,” Nana said.
“Butthole bitch,” Johnny Depp said.
“You stay out of this,” I warned the bird. He eyed me warily through the bars on his cage. “For some reason, Vince wants to see you, but I swear to God if you keep up the whole time we’re here, I will put you in the washing machine.”
“Dick-lips,” he responded.
“Bastard,” I hissed at him, moving past the cage.
I took a deep breath once I reached the door and sent up a little prayer to God for tonight to not be the social abortion of the season. I opened the door.
God, he was so fucking handsome.
I could see the slight nervousness on his face as I opened the door, as if he was unsure who’d be on the other side and was fretting about it. But as soon as he saw it was me, that look faded and a brilliant smile bloomed on his face, dimples out in full force. He was so fucking happy to see me that it almost knocked me flat. I didn’t think I’d ever had anyone look at me like that. It was disconcerting. It was terrifying. It was fucking awesome.
“Hi,” he said, almost shyly, stepping into the door and kissing me sweetly.
“Hey,” I said roughly. “Thanks for coming over.”
He shrugged. “Your mom invited me. I couldn’t say no to that.”
And what about your mom, Vince? What’s going on with her?