Slamming his hand on the steering wheel, he leaned his head back against the head rest. Her pain gutted him, and left his eagle clawing painfully at his chest. And it was so much worse knowing it was no one’s fault but his own. His reasons might have been solid to him back then, and he might have done what he had to stop the threats against her. But the hurt she felt, then and today, was one hundred percent his fault.
Soon, he’d tell her the truth. What he was, what happened eight years ago to make him break up with her. Everything. But he needed her to soften a little on him first. He didn’t want her to think he was making up crazy shit to get in her good graces again. He needed to be in them before he told her the truth.
Everything was so fucked up. The whole situation, her pain, and his. And all because of a dickhead old man with delusions of grandeur, and Jax’s inability to protect her like she needed. But never again. He’d never allow anything to come between him and Piper again.
Putting his truck in gear, he headed back to Rocky River. Come hell or high water, he would make it up to her. He would make her so happy that her pain would seem like a blip on the radar. He wasn’t sure how, but he would, if it was the last thing he did.
“What are you doing?” Jax asked.
“I’m making a clover necklace. I can make you one if you want,” Piper replied.
“No thanks, Pippy. I’m a man. I can’t be seen wearing a flower necklace.”
Piper giggled. “You’re ten. Hardly a man.”
“I will be soon,” he muttered, looking around the clearing. “Why do you come here so much?”
“Because it’s full of clovers, and I want to find a four leaf.” She paused and sighed dramatically. “Alas, I haven’t found one yet.”
“How come? The ground is covered in clovers.”
“Four-leaf clovers are very rare,” Piper informed him. “They’re hard to find. But I’m not giving up until I do.”
Jax frowned, searching the ground. “I can help. I have excellent eyesight.”
She put down her half finished necklace, excited to have help. “Really? Let’s look!”
Less than five minutes later, Jax was shouting in triumph. “Found one!”
“Gently! Pick it gently,” she warned, running up to his side.
Using as much care as he could muster, Jax picked the clover and held it out to her. “There you go.”
Taking it carefully, Piper stared at it in awe. “I’ve been trying to find one of these for months. Thank you, Jax. You’re the bestest friend a girl could have.”
&nbs
p; Jax smiled, his eyes doing that weird color change thing where gold swirled around his pupils. “Our friendship is one of a kind, Pippy. Rare, like that four-leaf clover. Promise we’ll be friends, no matter what.”
“I promise,” Piper said solemnly, hooking her pinky through his. She looked down at the clover in her hand. She was going to keep it forever. Not only because it was rare, but so she’d remember this moment forever.
Piper finished cleaning up the dishes and wandered into the living room. Standing still, she fought with herself for a moment before sighing and going back to the kitchen. Walking up to the trash can, she picked the four-leaf clover back up, cradling it in her palm. Memory after memory washed over, and she found herself smiling as she traced the edge of the leaves.
If she could look past how she and Jax ended, there were so many wonderful memories to delve into. She never let herself go there—but just tonight—she was going to let herself remember what the four-leaf-clover had meant to her, and to Jax, once upon a time.
They’d spent hours as kids scouring the clearing looking for them. And it was always Jax who found them. She had perfect vision, but his must be off the charts, because he never failed to find one if there were any to find. And then, as teenagers, they’d used the clovers as an excuse to go to the little clearing and make out. Let’s go look for four-leaf clovers was really code for Let’s go make out.
She’d saved every single clover they found, starting with that very first one, pressing them in a book and then adding them to a photo album. Wondering if the album was still there, she headed up to her old bedroom. She’d avoided it since she returned home, sleeping in one of the guest rooms, but maybe it was time to finally go inside.
Taking a deep breath, she turned the handle and pushed the door open. It was like a time warp, everything exactly the same as it was when she left for college. The walls were still a pale pink, and the same pink and purple bedspread covered the double bed. The window seat still held all her old stuffed animals, and her posters were still on the wall.
She stared at it for a moment before kneeling in front of the drawers of her vanity. Releasing a sigh when she opened one of them to find her photo album right on top, she laid the clover on the vanity before dropping to sit cross legged on the floor. Pulling the album out, she ran her fingers over the front where she’d written Piper and Jax in permanent marker. Still unsure she wanted to do this, she opened the cover and couldn’t help her smile. There, on the beginning page was the first four-leaf clover they found, along with a picture of ten-year-old Jax standing with eight-year-old Piper, his arm around her shoulder as they grinned into the camera.
Tears pricked her eyes, and she shut them tightly. No, she didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to open this old can of worms. Everything Jax wanted her to remember was still crystal clear in her mind. She didn’t need to look at old pictures to think of that time. But more than that, she shouldn’t be letting herself think of it at all. All she should be thinking about was that fateful day two weeks before she graduated, when Jax ripped her heart from her body and shredded her soul to ribbons.
Opening the book to a blank page, she slipped today’s clover inside and shut the album, putting it back in the drawer. Standing up, she walked back out of the room and looked around the hallway, feeling lost. Maybe she should go downstairs and watch TV, maybe read a book. A soft whine hit her ears, and she glanced over to find Snickers sitting in front of the door to her grandmother’s room.
“I don’t think I’m ready to go in there yet, Snicks,” she said with a sad smile. “Come on, let’s go downstairs.”