His heart swelled as he rubbed his thumb along her knuckles. Apparently, it wasn’t going to take him as long to accept it as he first thought.
But then, maybe it hadn’t happened as fast as he was thinking it had. Because looking back, he could see that there was a part of him that loved her way back when. He’d shut it out and refused to acknowledge it, but now that he was looking for it, he could see it so clearly.
He waited for the guilt he usually felt when he thought about that time to wash over him, but he barely felt it. It was there, but it wasn’t strong and overpowering like it was even a day ago.
Lily was right. He might have been attracted to her when Brandon was alive, he might have even fallen in love with her a little bit, but it wasn’t the betrayal he’d thought it was. Because he never once acted on it. He never even considered it.
He did his best to stay away from her, even when he was over for dinner or they all went out. He was apparently good at it, because when she first arrived at the clubhouse, she thought he didn’t like her.
And even when Brandon was gone, he kept it up, going so far as to disappear from her life. He still felt bad about that—even the occasional phone call could have helped her. But he also honestly didn’t think they’d be where they were now if he stuck around, so as bad as he felt for abandoning her, he couldn’t regret it, either.
Lily’s fingers tightened around his, and he glanced down, frowning when he noticed she was gripping his hand so tightly that her knuckles were white. He leaned down, trying to see her face, but her head was dipped too low, her hair falling forward to the point that it was almost obscuring her features.
Come to think of it, she’d been entirely too quiet. He’d been lost in his thoughts for a long time and he hadn’t noticed—getting into his head and blocking everything out was a bad habit he needed to break—but, while he’d been realizing he loved her, something was clearly going on with her.
“Lil? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Clearing her throat, she nodded, lifting her head and shaking her hair back. She was trying to force a smile, but it didn’t reach her striking blue eyes. She looked shell-shocked.
“I’m fine,” she replied, a half lie clear in her voice. “So, you were saying your dream was a memory from your childhood? It seemed pretty bad, from your reaction. Do you want to talk about it?”
Searching her eyes, he debated calling her out on the half-truth, but in the end, he let it go. Thinking back on his dream—nightmare, memory, whatever it was—he hesitated, not sure he wanted to think about it anymore. But maybe talking it out would help. If nothing else, get it out in the open and off his chest.
“It was the night of the massacre,” he started. She sucked in a breath and he shook his head quickly. “I don’t remember seeing anyone die. I mean, I might have, but it wasn’t in the memory. I just remember looking out at the chaos in our little hidden town. I was hiding behind a tree, and I was whimpering chance over and over, but I was too scared to talk.
“I took off into the woods as some strangers wandered too close to my hiding spot. I was going somewhere specific, but I’m not sure where or why. And as I got farther away, I started saying chance louder and louder, until I was yelling it. I have no idea why. I got turned around and lost in the dark woods, and I was on my knees on the ground, crying, still repeating chance, when I woke up.”
Eyes sad, she rubbed his hand as her gaze dipped down, and it was then he realized he was rubbing his chest again. He dropped his hand, trying to hold back a grimace as his lion shredded his chest, the cat’s agony slicing through Noah.
“That made the missing piece of you worse, didn’t it?” she asked softly.
He didn’t know how the hell she managed to put things together so quickly. Rubbing his chest where the ache was physically hurting him was probably a dead giveaway, but she’d quickly pieced together so many other things. Things not many others would be able to connect.
“Yeah. The feeling and the ache have been almost overwhelming since I woke up. And my lion’s going nuts inside me. I don’t know how to calm him down.”
Pursing her lips, she untangled their fingers and got to her knees, moving until she was settled in his lap, straddling him. He sucked in a breath, closing his eyes at the feel of her pressed against him, and the way his blood went straight from simmer to boil in .5 seconds.
She kissed him gently on the lips and then sat back, her ass against his knees. Leaning in, she pressed her lips to his chest. “Shhh, lion. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
And damned if his cat didn’t start settling down almost immediately. He was still pacing, but he was calmer, and he wasn’t slicing Noah’s chest to ribbons. The lion purred, the sound vibrating through Noah, and Lily stilled, giving a startled laugh.
“That’s my boy,” she whispered, kissing his chest again. “I’ve got you. I’ve got both of you.”
And with those words, Noah fell a little more in love with her. He was completely head over heels for the woman straddling him, stroking his pecs softly with the pads of her fingertips, calming his lion and working the man into a burning inferno.
He’d gladly walk through the fires of hell for her, and he’d do it over and over for eternity. Anything and everything for her.
For Lily. His mate. His love.
His everything.
Chapter Ten
Lily was trying to concentrate on soothing Noah’s lion, but the fast growing hardness underneath her was distracting her. She might be calming the cat, but she was exciting the man.
And she loved it.
His chest was still vibrating with a soft purr, and she kissed his pec one last time before straightening. Their eyes met and he tightened his hands around her waist, his green gaze bright with heat.