My hotel room was dark. I was supposed to be returning back to Seaside in less than twenty-four hours. But I didn’t want to go.
Because Nat was there and I didn’t know how to face her. You know that feeling — where you have so much going on, you’re so overwhelmed that you don’t even know where to start? I had so much shit going on in my head that it was overwhelming to even breathe — let alone try to explain to Nat why I did the things I did.
Like kissing another girl when I hadn’t even really broken things off with Nat.
In my mind it made sense. If she saw me for who everyone else saw me as… it would be easier for her. In the end that’s what I wanted. I wanted the choice to be easier because right now it was hard as hell. Her hesitation was because of my weakness, which just made me hate myself that much more. I think… I think deep down, I hope that, even if she sees me acting like a complete jackass, she’ll still want me, she’ll still want to save me.
And even if she rejects me, once she knows what Alec did.
I’ll be the broken bird she wants to put in a box and nurse back to health. Wasn’t that how things worked?
I ran my fingers through my hair, my legs shaking as I tapped my feet against the carpeted floor.
If I stayed in my hotel room I was going to go insane.
Yet, going out meant meeting up with old friends and drinking. Drinking always led to getting high, and then doing something else that was stupid, and for once I needed that clear head. Especially if I was going to go back to Seaside and ask her for forgiveness.
If she saw the kiss… I’d ask for forgiveness.
If she saw nothing… then I wasn’t sure what I’d do… but I’d do anything to get her to see that I needed her just as much as Alec did.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Alec
I WAS LIKE Nat’s shadow. Even when she didn’t realize it — I was watching her. Right, that sounded way better in my head then out loud. Out loud, it sounded a hell of a lot like a restraining order just waiting to happen.
Worry was my constant companion. I was worried about Demetri and worried about Nat and to top it all off I was worried about me — worried my secret was already out.
Funny, because up until now I always thought I was really good at keeping my shit on lockdown.
Nat had been at my house every night that week — I kept making up excuses to see her… what if she got sick again? What if she fell? What if a giant shark emerged from the ocean, belly crawled up the beach, and freaking laid in wait in her giant ass bed?
Yeah, sounded like something Demetri would say.
I missed my brother.
He was coming back in a day — so that meant I had one more day where I hung out with Nat and didn’t maul her — or kiss her — or yell at her.
Speaking of yelling at her.
Where the hell was she? We were supposed to hang out. I ran over to her house and knocked on the door. No answer.
I called her cell.
And no answer.
Which really made me worry because Nat KNEW how I fell about answering phones. It was number one on a very long list of pet peeves.
Irritated, I started walking down the prom thinking she may have gone for a late run. When I looked to my left, I saw two legs sticking out from underneath a very sexy, and familiar body.
There was Nat, laying in the sand, eyes closed, looking all kinds of peaceful.
While I was having a heart attack.
When my blood pressure decided to finally return to a normal number — allowing me to adequately walk in her direction without shaking her to death — I made my way across the sand.
The mist from the ocean combined with the bite in the air should have woken her up. Nat’s teeth chattered as she tugged her sweatshirt tighter.
I nudged her with my foot. “So are you suicidal or merely stupid?” Yeah I could have said that way better…
Nat yawned, “Hello to you too, friend.”
“I didn’t know where you were.” I huffed, licking my lips to keep me distracted from physically shaking her where she sat.
“Well you found me.”
“I swear you’re aging me, Nat.” I grumbled taking a seat down next to her.
“Sorry?”
Not much of an apology but I’ll take it.” I moved my hands to her shoulders and pulled her close to me to keep her warm, then slowly started massaging her arms, moving up her neck, and down again.
After a few minutes Nat tensed, “Alec?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you trust me yet?”
Trusting her meant telling her — so I guess that was my answer. It’s not like I wanted to keep secrets from her, but telling her anything should be something I first discussed with Demetri, just like I needed to discuss with him about Nat in general and my feelings.
Sighing I answered, “Getting there, Nat. Getting there.”
“Okay.”
“So,” I changed the subject, “Do you have plans tonight?” Technically every night was with me, but I still felt the need to ask her to come over, not assume she wanted to be with me.
Nat laughed. “You mean besides my failed suicide attempt.”
My hands stilled. “Yes, besides that.”
“Nope.”
“Okay.” I helped her to her feet then dusted the sand off my jeans. “Let’s go watch a movie.”
We walked arm in arm back to the house. Once we were inside, Nat made quick work with the popcorn while I filled some glasses with crushed ice and soda. Funny, how we didn’t even really need to talk to one another. We just knew, that was the drill, popcorn, soda, movie, done.