I regret my words immediately, but his jealous streak that’s blindly obvious makes me feel less regretful. Good, he’s hurting just as much.
“I need to explain what happened that night at Rocky’s party.”
I wait for his explanation and frustrated, he runs his hands through his messy hair. The second I look away, he lifts my wrist. Oh shit. He’s the last person who needs to see this even though it looks worse than what it is.
“What the fuck is this?”
“It’s not what you think it is. I fell in Charlie’s office.”
“Is that the story you’re going with?”
“Nothing I say or do will make you believe me. Think what you want, Julian. You ended it with me. What I do is no longer any of your concern. Perhaps you should walk back to your girlfriend over there.” I’m on the verge of tears and desperate to escape him. Maybe forever.
“Adriana.” He holds back my arm once again.
“Let me go.”
Through tears, I find Eric and Charlie. One look at me, and they know it’s time to leave.
Outside, we’re just about to get into a cab when Julian calls out my name. I ignore him, but he is quick to hold the cab door open. “Adriana, please don’t do this to yourself,” he pleads.
“The fact that you would think that I’d stoop that low again is what hurts the most. I love you, Julian. Not being with you hurts more than I imagined, but I’m strong, I’ll get through this.”
“Y-You…” he stutters. “You love me?”
I want to say yes. I want to tell him how much I love him, and I want to show him. Those words that are critical to this moment refuse to come out, and no matter how much I try to connect my mind and heart, my lips remain tightly sealed.
“Just stay, why don’t we talk?”
“I’ve nothing left to say.”
“She’s not who you think she is,” he repeats.
“What does it matter anymore? You’re not mine, you can be with whoever you please. I need to go home to my son now. Goodbye, Julian.”
I shrug my arm out of his grip and close the cab door behind me. With Charlie and Eric by my side, the cab drives off, and the strength which consumed me only moments ago falters, and I’m struggling to compose myself. When the bar is out of sight, I think my sobs will release, but I’m drained, and all cried out.
Life is too hard.
Love is too hard.
People keep telling me love will happen again and will just fall into place. Well, I’m ready to give up, defeated and dead-tired of the emotional rollercoaster I’m riding.
It’s all about my son and me now.
I may have missed him, even loved him with all my heart.
And that’s why walking away breaks me harder than when he told me it was over.
“Here, drink this.” Charlie hands me a mug.
It’s hand-painted with pictures of love hearts. I think it’s love hearts, or maybe that’s all I can see right now. On closer inspection, Amelia’s name is scribbled in paint. I take a sip, and the delicious taste of warm chocolate milk delights my taste buds. Charlie sits on the arm of the couch and places her arm around Lex’s shoulder.
“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat? I could make your favorite sandwich if you want?”
I decline the offer, sinking into the couch and allowing the cushions to embrace me. So, this is why people use so many cushions on their couch. I need to tell Julian that the next time…
Except there is no next time.